


Fine Wines and Russian Spirits

by mismatched_ideas



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Angst, ElfPrince!Otabek, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, ForestNymph!Mila, Humor, I feel I must apologize to Lilia, Immortal!Yakov, Immortality, Incubus!Chris, Light Angst, Magic, Making Out, Multi, Panic Attacks, Past Lives, Some violence/blood but it's minor and not graphic, Soulmates, Souls, Urban Fantasy, Vampire!Georgi, Witch!Lilia, Witch!Phichit, Yuuri/Chris/Phichit BroT3 for life, elemental!GuangHong, ghost!Yuri, ghost!viktor, mermaid!Sara, merman!Emil, merman!Mickey, muse!Leo, over complicated ghost physics, side Chris/mystery man, side mikemil, side milasara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 18:04:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 64,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9914573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mismatched_ideas/pseuds/mismatched_ideas
Summary: Viktor can't remember who he is. If he's being honest, he doesn't want to know who he is. If he's being really honest, he thinks it might be better to disappear if it meant he didn't have to remember.Yuuri can't remember what it feels like to be hot or cold. If he's being honest, he's bothered by his always perfect temperature. If he's being really honest, he's terrified of himself because he doesn't know what if going to happen to him.Phichit can't remember what it was like to be a good friend. If he's being honest, he doesn't think he's ever been a good friend. If he's being really honest, he doesn't think he'd ever could be good friend because he was a selfish bastard.Seung-gil can't remember what it was like to be loved. If he's being honest, he does remember being loved. If he's being really honest, he remembers being loved and losing that love and he remembers the pain.Chris can't remember a time when he didn't flirt with everyone. If he's being honest, he doesn't remember a time when he didn't need to flirt with everyone. If he's being really honest, he doesn't remember a time when he wasn't so afraid of everything he was that he pushed away the only people who loved him.





	1. Yakov's Wines and Spirits

**Author's Note:**

> Don't start another fic while you have two others going on, you say. But I can't hear you over the sound of my need to post this. 
> 
> I made Seungchuchu a main ship for this because even though Viktuuri is the main ship, Seungchuchu plays a big part and have a lot of their own chapters (11, 15, part of 18, and eventually 22) so I felt like it was a disservice to them to not have it as one of the pairings.

“Vitya!” Yakov’s voice cut through the fog Viktor had found himself in, not even noticing that the older man was talking to him. 

“Sorry, what?” Viktor blinked lazily at his perpetually angry boss. Viktor was pretty sure the man worried about all his employees’ wellbeing but he usually showed it but getting angry. It really wasn’t the best way to show someone you cared. Viktor wondered absently whether that was why Lilia left him. Then again, Viktor had heard a lot of their fights so he knew that wasn't the only reason, if it was even one of them. He may have been 27 the entirety of Yakov and Lilia’s relationship but it still felt distinctly like two parents fighting. 

“I said you need to take some time off, you’ve been here for weeks.”

“Where would I go?” Sure there was stuff he could do, there just wasn’t anything that particularly interested him.

“I don’t care what you do.” Yakov crossed his arms, “You just need to take a day off.”

“Let me work.” Viktor tried to wave Yakov off but the older man was not deterred. “Fine, I’ll take a day off after tonight’s shift.”

“Will you really?” Yakov didn’t seem convinced.

“I swear.”

\---

It was past midnight when someone stumbled loudly and drunkenly into the store. Viktor didn’t look up from the counter, used to the late night visitors looking for more to drink. He was not, however, used to them stumbling up to the counter and getting right into Viktor’s face. 

The man, he was young, looked like he was probably human. Then again, you often couldn’t tell whether someone was human or not only by looks. And his looks... well they were pretty average. Average height, average weight, averagely black hair, and pretty but still pretty average brown eyes. Okay, maybe Viktor was trying to pretend he didn’t find the man extremely attractive by calling him average, but getting interested in someone when you’re a ghost is not exactly the best idea. 

The man was squinting at Viktor like he was trying to figure something out. Finally, after a long silence and as Viktor was getting a little annoyed with the scrutiny, Viktor spoke up.

“Umm… Welcome to Yakov’s Wines and Spirits Shoppe. How may I help you?”

Finally the man seemed to be pulled out of his own mind and he was able to smile.  
“You’re hot.” 

“Excuse me?”

“I said, you’re hot.” He slurred, taking another drink from the bottle Viktor had only just noticed he was holding. “Like you might be the hottest person I’ve ever seen. I saw you the other night and thought I’d never see you again but like here you are.”

“Well I’d say, I’m pretty cold.” Viktor tried at a joke, which might have been a bad idea give how intoxicated this man was. But, hey, he would give it a try. He got the feeling that he knew the man from somewhere and was so deeply intrigued by that feeling that he wanted to get to know this very, very drunk person leaning over his counter. 

Like he’d expected the joke fell flat, causing the man’s eyes to water up. “No, don’t say that about yourself. If somebody told you that then they’re wrong.”

“It was a joke.” Viktor supplied, grinning at the young man who gave him a frown. 

“I don’t get it.” Suddenly the man face lit up and he reached out of grab Viktor’s hand. “We should dance. Life is less boring when you dance.” 

Surprised, Viktor had no time to reciprocate the attempt at physical contact and instead the man’s hand went through him. This caused the man to lose his balance and fall face first into the counter.

“Are you alright?” Viktor asked but the man just started laughing.

“I get the joke now.” The man said, looking up at Viktor with a smile and a bloody nose. “Also the name of the store is funny.”

The door opened again and Viktor heard someone rush into the store. Another person appeared, this one also with dark hair and dark eyes, and with a witch’s mark on his neck. The mark was like a tree branch, starting from his neck and disappearing in a mess of leaves and twigs below the neck of his shirt. 

“Thank goodness.” The man sighed when he laid eyes on the giggled drunk on the counter. “Chris and I thought we’d lost you for good this time.” 

“Phichit, stop being such a kill joy.” The man whined, causing his friend to only roll his eyes. 

“Let’s go, you drunk.” The man, Phichit, pulled the black haired man to his feet before bowing slightly to Viktor. “I apologize for my friend.” 

“It’s fine.”

“We’ll be off then.” 

And they were both gone into the night, the giggling of the drunk and muttered comments of Phichit leaving with them and throwing Viktor back into silence.

Viktor was left wondering who that man had been because suddenly he felt like he was alive again. Something about that man had triggered a part of Viktor he’d thought was long gone, one that yearned for the past life he couldn’t remember. 

He was left with the distinct feeling that he knew the drunk who’d come stumbling out of the night.

And he was also left with the feeling that he had to find him again.


	2. Viktor's Search and Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is pretty sure he couldn't have made a bigger fool out of himself than he did last night and in front of the guy he's been crushing on for weeks, no less.

“Yuuri, are you listening?” 

How could he be such an idiot? 

“Yuuri?”

That’s had to have been the stupidest thing he’d ever done.

“Yuuri.”

Now he _really_ wished he could die.

“Yuuri!”

Yuuri’s head snapped up to look at Phichit, “Sorry. What?” 

Phichit looked expectantly at his best friend, waiting for him to explain why he had not only been ignoring Phichit’s very important rambling about the attractive new guy but also why he hadn’t touched his lunch. When Yuuri just started at him, Phichit sighed.

“What is up with you today?”

“What do you mean?” Yuuri grimaced, “You know what’s up. I made a fool of myself last night.”

“You got drunk and complimented a stranger. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

Yuuri pushed his lunch away and dropped his face to the table, his words slightly muffled. 

“He wasn’t a stranger.” Before Phichit could ask any questions Yuuri continued. “Remember when I told you about Viktor Nikiforov?” 

“Wait?” Phichit shouted, “Wait, that was Viktor Nikiforov?”

Phichit had spent countless nights, and days for that matter, listening to Yuuri blabber on and on about the attractive man he met at a local art exhibit. He’d listened intently to Yuuri’s stupidly poetic nonsense and almost religious love for the strange man he’d barely spoken to.

“You never told me you have a huge crush on a ghost.”

“I didn’t know he was a ghost. We were inside so he looked pretty solid. I just thought he was a little see-through.” Yuuri tilted his face away from the table so he could glare at Phichit. “For all I knew, his best friend tried a stupid spell on him and made him translucent.”

“Yuuri, I apologized. You know I didn’t mean for it to happen. I was just trying to help you out!”

“Tell that to all the people I’m going to watch–”

Yuuri was cut off by the doors to the small room they ate lunch in swinging open violently, slamming loudly against the wall before a voice called an apology into the room. 

“Damn ghosts.” Someone muttered nearby as Yuuri ducked his head, recognizing the voice that had apologized. 

At the front of the room Viktor stood, well he was kind of floating but it was slight, and looked around. He’d heard from some helpful students he accidentally scared half to death that a young man named Phichit was in this room eating lunch. 

“Yuuri, why don’t you go say hi?” Instead of a response Yuuri pulled his friend’s head down too, hiding them both. “What the hell?”

“He probably remembers you too.”

Viktor looked around the room, trying desperately to find a familiar face but saw nothing but disinterested and tired college students, some of who looked like they were sleeping on the tables instead of eating. He sighed and left, resigned to the fact that he would never find the mysterious man from the night before. 

“Yuuri, what are you doing?”

Once Viktor left Yuuri sat back up, crossing his arms. “Of course I don’t want to talk to him. Do you realize how badly I embarrassed myself last night?”

“Yuuri, he’s obviously looking for you. You couldn’t have embarrassed yourself too badly.”

“You don’t know that.” Yuuri grabbed his lunch and started eating slowly. “He could have been here for any reason.”

Phichit rolled his eyes and went back to his lunch, not ready to drop the subject completely but deciding Yuuri might need some time to calm down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short chapter but I wanted to get this out. My computer crashed while I was writing and of course for once in my life I wasn't obsessively saving so I had to rewrite most of this and now I'm tired. The next chapter will probably be short too but hopefully I'll have it out faster.


	3. Christophe's Rules for Love and Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Usually, Chris had an easy time honing in on mopey creatures. Mopey creatures were the easiest to seduce in his opinion and he’d become very good at picking out their particular scent. 
> 
> But he wasn’t perfect and, honestly, he was a little hungover from the night before so his senses weren’t as sharp as usual. 
> 
> So even though he was surprised when he ran into the attractive and mopey man sitting alone in the hallway, he didn't let that surprise stop him from trying to strike up a conversation.

Usually, Chris had an easy time honing in on mopey creatures. Mopey creatures were the easiest to seduce in his opinion and he’d become very good at picking out their particular scent. 

But he wasn’t perfect and, honestly, he was a little hungover from the night before so his senses weren’t as sharp as usual. 

So even though he was surprised when he ran into the attractive and mopey man sitting alone in the hallway, he didn't let that surprise stop him from trying to strike up a conversation. 

Chris never made people do things they didn’t want to, he wasn’t that kind of person, but he wasn’t above playing with strangers’ emotions. Or maybe not emotions. Maybe urges was a better way to put it.

“Hey sweetie, what’s got you down? Your girlfriend dump you?”

“No.” The man sighed, looking at Chris with sad blue eyes. “I was looking for someone but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find them.”

For a moment Chris squinted, trying to seduce this man was not going well. He could have sworn this one wasn’t straight. 

One last try.

“Well, why don’t you come to lunch with me and we’ll see what you can find there.”

The man only sighed, looking forlorn and more than a little melodramatic. Chris decided he liked the man even if he was no fun to try and mess with. In fact, he was thinking he might be more fun to actually hang out with. Phichit was pretty mischievous and played along with a lot of Chris’ bad plans but Yuuri tended to reign them both in before either men could have much fun. This stranger seemed just the type to enjoy some good old-fashioned mischief. 

“I would but I’m afraid my heart is sworn to the love I cannot find.” Wow, he was melodramatic. Chris liked it.

“Fear not, my friend. I’m sure you’ll find them.” He reached over to pat the man on the shoulder only to have his hand go through him, sending Chris to the ground. “Oh.”

“Sorry!” The man looked concerned, “That’s been happening a lot lately. Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” Chris laughed, “I see why my charms don’t work on you now. I knew you couldn’t be straight.” When the man gave him a confused look Chris laughed again. “Christophe Giacometti. Incubus.”

“Viktor… Ghost?” He seemed uncertain. “Why do you assume I’m not straight?”

“Intuition.” Chris winked at him. “Lunch is still an offer. I think my friends would like you.”

“Okay.” Viktor sighed, “I don’t really eat but lunch still might be fun.”

“Oh yah, ghost.” Chris laughed, “I’m a little off my game today. I’m a bit hungover.”

They both rose, Viktor from his seat and Chris from the floor, and headed towards the front entrance.

“Do you make a habit of getting drunk on Sundays?”

Chris smiled, shaking his head. “It was my friend’s birthday.”

Once they were outside and had sunlight shining on them Chris could see much clearer that Viktor was nowhere near corporeal. He was translucent, like most specters, but the light still shone strongly through him. 

Chris guessed Viktor must like fashion since his outfit was modern and stylish, that is unless he’d died recently but usually recently dead ghosts weren’t so comfortable being dead. Of course, he was acting awfully dramatic, something Chris liked about the other man already because he loved drama himself, so maybe he was recently dead. It was far from impossible for ghosts to change their clothes, most just didn’t. Particularly strong ghosts could change their entire look but, again, most didn’t. 

A message from Phichit put an annoyed pout onto Chris’ face.

“Apparently my two supposed friends ate without me.”

“Traitors.” Viktor smiled and Chris laughed.

“I like you.” He almost tried to put his arm around Viktor’s shoulders before remembering he would only end up on the floor doing things like that. “Now tell me about you lost love.”

“Oh, Christophe–”

“Please, call me Chris.”

“Chris.” Viktor nodded, “Well Chris I met the most beautiful man last night but now I can’t find him. I don’t know his name or anything about him either but he was amazing and I need to find him. I felt drawn to him. Do you know how that feels?”

“Maybe he’s your soulmate,” Chris smirked, he didn’t actually believe in soulmates but Viktor seemed like someone who might like them. Unless he was one of those jaded ghosts. You really never could tell with ghosts. 

Viktor waved him away, “That’s just silly.” So he was jaded. “It wasn’t a soulmate connection it was deeper than. More intense!” Or maybe he wasn’t.

“Why did you come to The University if you don’t know him?”

“He looked in his twenties so I guessed he was a college student so I thought I’d start there. He said he’d seen me before so I also was trying to think where I might have seen him and all the places I’ve gone lately have been either very close to the store or in this part of town.”

“Oh, he said he’d met you before?”

“Yah, he was so cute. Telling me he thought I was attractive and stuff.” Viktor’s eyes seemed to be sparkling even though Chris didn’t see what he was so excited about. It wasn’t that he didn’t get that being called attractive could be nice but this kind of love at first sight reaction to a couple of compliments seemed like a little much. “And he asked me to dance. Nobody has ever asked me to dance.” 

Chris lead his new friend into a ghost-friendly café he liked, nodding to the pretty waitress who he was pretty sure had a crush on him. She was nice enough and not awkward so he didn’t mind. He sort of took it as a compliment. Having someone like him even without his using any of his ‘natural charm’ to attract them was, unfortunately, uncommon. If only Luca could like him like this waitress did.

“Well, my friend, I may not be your mystery man but I will take you dancing any day.” Chris pulled out his phone, “Mind if I Instagram a picture of us. Gotta’ make my friend jealous about the new friend they could have met.”

“Sure!” Viktor leaned in so Chris could take the picture.

“There we go. Now,” Chris leaned forward to smile at Viktor, “Tell me more about your mysterious stranger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties with the incubus/succubus mythology.


	4. Yuuri’s Guidelines for Hiding From Your Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri has a hard time believing anyone could be interested in him, regardless of any proof to the contrary. 
> 
> Phichit has a hard time understanding why his (very attractive) best friend refuses to believe anyone could be interested in him.

“Yuuri!” Phichit’s screech reached Yuuri before he even saw the young man. He braced himself for the inevitable impact without even trying to escape.

Phichit crashed into his best friend, knocking them both onto the couch where Yuuri had been attempting to get some reading done. 

“What?” Yuuri asked, pushing Phichit onto the floor. He wanted to be annoyed but it was hard to when he friend looked so excited. 

“Have you checked Instagram?” Phichit asked from the floor, seemingly unaffected by Yuuri pushing him off the couch. 

“What do you think?”

“Well open it!” Phichit insisted, “You have to see Chris’ new picture!”

“What, did he finally get up the nerve to ask Luca out?” Yuuri asked, opening his phone and going quickly to Instagram. He didn’t bother even going to Chris’ profile. Yuuri didn’t follow many people, a lot of them were just people who posted pictures of their dogs, so it didn’t take him long to find Chris’ most recent post.

_Made a new friend today! @yuuri-katsudon @phichit+chu_

His first thought was, _Why had I made that my username?_

His second was, _Well I’m screwed._

“Phichit… What is this picture?”

“Chris and Viktor went to lunch together today! Can you believe it?”

“But does he know?” Yuuri knew for a fact that he’d told both his friends about Viktor. Had Chris not been listening? Or did he forget? Maybe he never actually asked Viktor’s name?

“He didn’t say anything to me, so he can’t realize. You know Chris would have forced us both to come to lunch if he knew. We have to tell him.” 

Yuuri’s stomach dropped.

“No. No, no, no.” He waved his hands at Phichit, “There is no way we can tell Chris!”

“Yuuri.” Phichit whined, “You can’t run from Viktor forever.”

“I can and that’s exactly what I was planning to do.”

\---

Yuuri’s plan lasted all of three days. At least his plan to not tell Chris. Chris and Viktor had gone to lunch all three days and, apparently, Chris had pretty quickly figured out that he was the Viktor Yuuri had gushed about for days.

It helped that Yuuri had refused lunch with Chris all three days without so much as an attempt at a good excuse. Not that any of Yuuri excuses were ever good, Yuuri was a terrible liar most of the time. But regardless of his ability to lie Yuuri and Phichit rarely turned down lunch with Chris without at least a half-assed lie and they never skipped out three days in a row. 

Also, the more Viktor gushed about the mysterious stranger he was infatuated with, the more Chris realized he _knew_ the man. 

“Yuuri.” Chris had finally cornered the young man, with help from Phichit. “When were you going to tell me the beautiful ghost I was having lunch with was the same beautiful man you were in love with?”

“Never?” Yuuri bristled. “Also, I am not in love with him!” 

“You did seek him out while drunk to tell him he was hot.” Phichit pointed out from behind Chris. “Also, you talked about him for days after seeing him the first time.”

“I am not going to talk to him and Chris, I knew if I told you you’d force me to talk to him. But I can’t! I embarrassed myself in front of him and there is no way I can face him! He’s so elegant and–” Yuuri groaned, letting his face fall into his hands. 

“Yuuri, you are the only thing he talks about at lunch.” Chris folded his arms, raising an eyebrow and smirking. “Whatever you said to him while you were drunk apparently worked because he’s been trying to find you since that night.” 

“Don’t care.” Yuuri said, trying to convince himself that that was true. In reality, the thought that Viktor Nikiforov was also interested in him made Yuuri’s heart flutter. But it had to some misunderstand. Maybe Yuuri had just left something at the store and Viktor wanted to give it back. Chris was probably exaggerating or misunderstand or wrong. “There’s no way he’s actually interested. He probably just wants to insult me.”

Phichit wanted to tell Yuuri that he was crazy to think that. He wanted to tell him that there was no way any of that was right. He wanted to shake his friend and maybe even shout at him to stop.

But instead, he took a deep breath and put a soft hand on Chris’ arm, silently telling him to back off.

“Okay, Yuuri.” Phichit frowned, “I know you’re stressed right now. We’re not going to force you to talk to him, okay?” Yuuri nodded, “But how about we all go to lunch? We can invite Guang Hong and Leo. And I’ll even invite the new guy and Chris can invite Luca.” Chris looked like he wanted to argue but shut up when Phichit sent him a glare. “It will be low stress and if you need to leave, I won’t stop you. How does that sound?”

Yuuri took a deep breath, not realizing how anxious and worked up he was. His body felt tight, mostly because he was tensing every muscle in his body. This feeling was especially noticeable in his shoulders, where he was noticing he tended to show most of his anxiety.

Another breath. 

He took a moment to relax his muscles, starting from his toes and working upward, before breathing deeply one more time.

“Okay. You’re right. I didn't mean to freak out…” He rubbed his face, feeling suddenly tired. “It’s all just been a lot.”

After a little hesitation, Phichit reached out to touch the other man’s shoulder, massaging it lightly.

“It’s okay, we shouldn’t push you so much.”

Yuuri smiled weakly, “Don’t worry, I know you both mean well. Thanks for dealing with me.”

Chris chuckled, “You’re really the one who has to deal with us.” He groaned dramatically, “Do I really have to invite Luca?”

Phichit laughed and Yuuri found himself smiling thinking, not for the first time, that he had some of the best friends in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm almost done outlining this but I've already gone off outline (that was fast) so there's a good chance I'll have to rewrite the entire outline. That'll really slow things down for me. 
> 
> That said, I think things are going to pick up from this chapter onward! Time to meet some characters and possibly time for some rom-comesque nonsense. I don't know, though, I'm bad at writing humor.


	5. Phichit's Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit has a plan. It's a good plan and it's got a very very good name.

“I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve called you here today.” Phichit leaned over the table, only getting the reaction he wanted from Chris who leaned forward as well. Guang Hong and Leo just glanced at each other before raising an eyebrow in Phichit’s direction. 

“Phichit, none of us are wondering.” Leo reminded his friend, “You gave us all the details when you called.”

“I didn’t give you all the details!” Phichit insisted with a pout. “Just most of them.”

“Phichit, I would love to hear you explain your plan again.” Chris smiled and Leo rolled his eyes. If his mortal friends wanted to waste their time rehashing silliness, he wasn’t going to stop them. Leo was a fun person and he wasn’t going to rain on Phichit or Chris’ parade. 

“By now, we all know about how our good friend Yuuri is in love with a ghost–”

“A beautiful ghost.” Chris interjected.

“Exactly, a beautiful ghost. Yuuri is in love with a beautiful ghost. The beautiful ghost, Viktor, is in love with Yuuri but Yuuri doesn’t believe this so that’s where we all come in. I call this plan, Get Yuuri and Viktor the Go on a Date!” With a flick of his wrist, the words appeared in the air next to him. 

Guang Hong leaned over to Leo, speaking to him quietly in what Phichit was pretty sure was some form of ancient Chinese, he thought he’d heard Leo call it Archaic Chinese once. Leo smiled before nodding.

“I agree.” Leo nudged the younger looking man. “Maybe you should tell him?”

“Phichit, the name is a little clunky.” Guang Hong told him, “And why do we even need a name for this anyways?”

Phichit sighed, “It’s just better!”

Leo had a certain sense of what humans, and other mortal creatures, thought of as ‘fun’ but Guang Hong had never quite grasped the concept. Phichit suspected it was because he let Leo do that for him now and before he met Leo, well… Phichit didn’t know everything but he was pretty sure Guang Hong was mostly looking for a way to become less immortal. 

“But shouldn’t we let Yuuri and, umm, Viktor do what they want?”

“I would, but they’re both idiots. My hope, really, is to keep Yuuri at lunch long enough for Viktor to ask him out.” Phichit nodded his head towards Chris, “Our friend here has been having lunch with the ghost for the last few days and he claims Yuuri is the only thing Viktor talks about.”

“More or less.” Chris had been nodding along to Phichit’s words, “Yuuri went to the shop Viktor works out while we were out for Yuuri’s birthday.” Guang Hong and Leo had come out with them but left pretty quickly after Guang Hong got overwhelmed with the crowds. “And now Viktor is infatuated with him. He doesn’t even know Yuuri’s name but he’s dying to find him again. Yuuri is convinced he has some sort of mal-intent.”

“So,” Phichit chimed in, “It’s our job to get Yuuri to lunch and keep him there long enough for him and Viktor to hit it off. I’ll be inviting a new friend of mine and Chris has agreed to invite Luca–”

“Agreed is a strong word.” At this Guang Hong smiled. If there was anything about mortals he could understand, it was love and crushes and that sort of thing. Maybe it was because he knew how all the different levels of romance felt. “But yes, I will be inviting Luca at some point.”

“Some point soon, I hope, because this is happening tomorrow for lunch.”

\---

Yuuri was going to kill Phichit.

Sure Phichit was his best friend, but Yuuri was starting to think that his friend was trying to kill him so it only seemed fair that Yuuri does the same. 

Phichit and his new friend were supposed to meet Yuuri before they headed to lunch but it was getting close to the meeting time and Phichit was nowhere to be found. Just as Yuuri was thinking about bailing, since apparently, Phichit had done the same, his phone buzzed.

_“That Hamster Guy”: Sry!!!_

_“That Hamster Guy”: I got caught up, I’ll be a little late_

_“That Hamster Guy”: Guang Hong and Leo are gonna pick you up_

_Yuuri: Phichit, please_

_“That Hamster Guy”: I’ll be there, okay? I’m just held up here_

Yuuri sighed, putting his phone away just as Guang Hong and Leo appeared. Like usual they walked close but not quite touching, their fingers almost brushing each time on of their arms moved. Yuuri couldn’t quite figure them out, and he definitely didn’t understand their relationship, but he was also unsure if it was rude to ask. But it was strange. How did an elemental who was definitely from ancient china because, at least, very close friends with a being that Yuuri had heard at least one person describe as one of the muses? And anyways, how did it come to the point where people at least thought Leo was a muse? He hardly seemed to fit what little Yuuri had learned about the muses. 

“Hey, Yuuri.” Guang Hong waved at Yuuri as they got closer, “Phichit texted you?”

Yuuri nodded, “Has he told you about why he’s forcing me to do this?”

Leo nodded, “He told us a little.” He gave Yuuri a sympathetic smile, “You ready to go?”

“Nope.” Yuuri sighed, starting to walk towards the restaurant they’d decided on, “Not at all.”

\---

Chris, Luca, and Viktor were waiting quietly for the rest of their group who were all late. Chris sat in the middle of the two other men, anxious thoughts spinning in the way that only Luca can make his mind spin. Luca seemed content to just sit in silence, humming absentmindedly to himself. Viktor was mostly confused but the awkward silence from a man who’d been nothing less than bubbly and personable the entire time Viktor had known him. Which was admittedly not that long, but the fact still stood. 

“Hey Luca, hey Chris.” Leo was the first to speak, drawing the attention of the other three men. “And you’re Viktor, right?”

“Yes!” Viktor wasn’t sure whether he should stand or sit and whether or not he should shake the newcomers’ hands. “It’s nice to meet you all.”

“I’m Leo.” Leo smiled brightly, “This is Guang Hong and this is Yuuri.”

Yuuri waited for something to happen. For anything to happen. But instead, Viktor just stared at him, squinting like he was trying to figure something out. After an entirely too long moment of silence, Viktor smiled.

“You’re the guy from the art gallery.” 

Yuuri blinked. That was not what he expected. He didn’t even think Viktor had been paying attention to him at the time. Neither had exchanged names, instead, Yuuri had asked someone Viktor’s name after he left, and Viktor had barely looked at Yuuri. 

Was he purposefully ignoring the other night? Was he embarrassed by it, by Yuuri, too or had Chris asked him not to mention it? 

“You remember?”

“Sure, you knew a lot about the exhibit.” Yuuri took a seat next to Luca, careful to not sit next to or across from Viktor. “Do you go there often?”

“Not really.” Yuuri hated the quiet shake in his own voice, “I know the person who’s exhibit it was.”

It was a kid how was also a dance major. Maybe kid was the wrong word, he was eighteen, but he sure acted like a kid. He loved dance, and was damn good at it, but also love painting. Again, he was damn good at it. 

“You know a lot of people, don’t you?” Viktor’s smile was polite and that almost hurt Yuuri more than if he’d left the moment Yuuri walked in. Instead, Yuuri got the distinct feeling Chris had been very wrong and that Viktor didn’t even really know who Yuuri was. Chris must have been extrapolating information incorrectly. Viktor was obsessed with some other drunk college kid. There were plenty of them to choose from. 

“Not really.” He wanted to leave. He wanted to leave so badly. But he had to wait at least until Phichit got here. He wanted to make sure Phichit saw that he and Chris were wrong. 

Yuuri couldn’t see it, he was staring at the menu while using it to hide half of his face, but Viktor was squinting at his face again. 

The next few things happened quickly, far quicker than anyone at the table expected.

The first thing that happened was Phichit walked in, a gloomy looking black haired man at his heels, and call a hello at the group. Viktor looked up at said man, barely hearing his introduction as Phichit because he knew exactly who he was, before squinting at Yuuri again. A light bulb went off. 

The second thing that happened but Viktor stood and walked, through the table, towards Yuuri. As his body passed through silverware, it shook. A cup fell over and some napkins flew up in the air but Viktor wasn’t paying attention. He very rarely paid attention to the fact that his energy often kicked up quite a storm. When he reached Yuuri, the other man confused and a little worried he’d done something wrong, he paused for only a moment before reaching out.

Yuuri could see his hands solidify, becoming pliable and solid before the disappeared from his view and Viktor was pulling his glasses off. He let the glasses drop onto the table and used on hand to push Yuuri’s hair back, Yuuri’s face and ears blazing red at this point, before squealing.

“I knew it!” He solidified everything above the table, leaning over to hug Yuuri tightly, “I’m bad with faces so I wasn’t sure, but I thought it was you.”

Yuuri blinked, face hot. Phichit and Chris shared a look, smirking through slight confusion. 

“Chris!” Viktor turned to glared at the blond, “Why didn’t you tell me that mysterious man I was looking for was one of your friends?”

Chris shrugged, the motion fluid as his anxieties were pushed away for now. For now, he could smile along with Phichit as the two watched Yuuri sputter and heat up. “I didn’t realize.”

“Yuuri.” Viktor had obviously recovered, a whine noticeable in his voice. If Yuuri hadn’t still been so flustered, he might have rolled his eyes. “Why didn’t you say anything?” When Yuuri didn’t respond, Viktor shrugged and tried to pull Yuuri out of his seat. “Come sit next to me.”

Yuuri nodded, letting Viktor pull him around the table. His hand was the only thing left that was solid, the feeling of it strange and cold.

“Okay. Now tell me about yourself.” Viktor sat them both down and looked at Yuuri insistently. 

“I really don’t have much to tell!”

Phichit chuckled, sitting on the other side of Yuuri, and nudged his friend while others at the table went back to looking at menus or engaging each other in quiet conversation. 

Yuuri didn’t look at Phichit, instead using his free hand to smack Phichit lightly. 

Even so, Phichit could see Yuuri was smiling slightly and that made Phichit smile as well. 

Maybe things would be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a story behind Phichit's contact being "The Hamster Guy" in Yuuri's phone. Don't worry. There's a story. 
> 
> Also at some point, I'm gonna probs write an insert chapter about Leo and Guang Hong because like I have an entire story thought out for them. Explaining things like how Leo is a muse and how Guang Hong and Leo got so close.
> 
> In case you were wondering, there will be a few points where there is some Seungchuchu because I have a problem and you can rip that ship out of my cold, dead fingers. It'll be like more than a side pairing but less than a main pairing in this (it's smaller than a bread box...) Also Seung-gil is gonna be a relatively important character so... I've got plans, people :P


	6. Yuuri and Viktor's First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was not a date.
> 
> Phichit and Chris were insisting again and again that it was a date but Yuuri kept reminding them that it wasn’t.

This was not a date.

Phichit and Chris were insisting again and again that it was a date but Yuuri kept reminding them that it wasn’t. 

“You know it’s a date.” Phichit pointed out. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be worrying so much about your outfit.”

“It’s not a date, I just want to look good. We are going to an art gallery.” Yuuri could hear the lie in his own voice but tried to ignore it. “You’re supposed to dress nicely for things like that. And for the record, I was fine with the first outfit I picked out.” 

This was not a date.

“All the six outfits you’ve tried on so far were fine.” Phichit paused for a moment, “Okay, four of them were. The first two were horrible and I’m glad I’m here to save you from your bad fashion sense.”

“They really weren’t that bad.” Yuuri insisted, even though he knew they had been. He wasn’t bad at dressing himself, he thought he looked pretty okay in everything he picked out, he just tended to look a little…

“You’re frumpy.” 

“It’s not that bad.” Yuuri found himself repeating even though that had been the word he was looking for. He looked at himself for a long time in the mirror. He’d ended up in his nicest pair of jeans and a black V-neck that he thought was too tight but Phichit insisted was just right. This was the first outfit Phichit had picked out that hadn’t made Yuuri feel incredibly self-conscious. “I guess I’m fine with this.” 

“Great! You look great and this date is going to go great!”

Yuuri rolled his eyes, “This is not a date.”

It was Phichit’s turn to roll his eyes, “See if you can still say that when you get home.”

\---

Yuuri was supposed to meet Viktor at his work, he lived about the store, but when Yuuri arrived Viktor was nowhere to be found. Given, Yuuri was ten minutes early, but he still thought he’d be able to find Viktor. It wasn’t like Viktor had much he had to get ready, he was a ghost after all. 

“What do you want?” The angry question was spat out from behind the counter, the voice sounding entirely too young to be working at a wine and spirits shop. 

Yuuri did jump a bit at the voice, not having noticed the other person in the room when he walked in. Once he caught his breath, his heart rate slowly returning to normal, Yuuri smiled in the direction of the counter.

“I’m here for Viktor.” 

“Oh, you must be that idiot he’s been blabbering on about for weeks.” 

The person speaking was a teenager. And, if Yuuri wasn’t mistaken, a ghost. A blonde haired, green eyed, teenage ghost. And said ghost was currently making a very unhappy face at Yuuri. 

“He talks about me?” Was all Yuuri could manage, interested in what Viktor could possibly be saying about him.

“Only all the time, it’s disgusting. All I ever hear is, ‘Oh, he was so pretty.’ It makes me want to barf.” Yuuri blushed and the ghost just groaned. 

“So, what’s your name?” Yuuri ventured, hoping to defuse the situation. He wasn’t even sure why this ghost was so angry at him. 

“Yuri.”

Yuuri blinked. “Yes?” 

“What?” The ghost snarled. 

“I asked what your name was?”

The ghost just pursed his lips for a moment before grimacing, “Yuri.”

“What?” Yuuri asked, a little annoyed before the pieces started to fall into place.

“My name, you moron!” The ghost, Yuri, shouted. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Laughter reached them as Viktor had appeared downstairs during their… conversation.

“Yura,” Yuri practically growled at the blond man, “his name is also Yuuri.”

Yuri huffed, looking like he’d just tasted something he didn’t like, before barking at Viktor, “Whatever. Just go on your stupid date.” 

Viktor laughed again and Yuuri found himself blushing even deeper as the tall ghost ushered him out of the store.

“Sorry about him.” Viktor said as they made their way to a local art gallery Yuuri had been itching to go to. “He’s young and… hormonal? I’m not sure a ghost can actually be hormonal.”

“I’d say Yuri proves they can be.” Viktor laughed again and Yuuri found himself smiling, more at ease next to Viktor than he expected. 

“I guess you’re right.” They lapsed into silence but it was comfortable, both smiling and wrapped up in their own minds. 

Viktor’s mind wandered, wondering how it was possible people knew so little about ghosts. Not only people, but ghosts also seemed to know absolutely nothing about ghosts. He was sure someone knew something, but he was completely in the dark. He didn’t even know why he was a ghost. How had he died?

His smile faltered. 

When had he even died?

“Viktor?” Viktor’s head snapped to look at Yuuri, a wide and empty smile attaching itself to his lips. “Is something wrong?”

“I was just thinking, don’t worry about it.”

Yuuri looked for a moment like he was going to argue, to push, but he lost confidence and went back to staring ahead. The silence was less comfortable now. 

“We’re here.” Yuuri said, motioning for Viktor to follow him into a brightly lit gallery. “I’ve wanted to see this artist’s work for a while now but never got around to it.”

Yuuri had wanted to see this for a while, but lately, he’d become more interested and actually figured out where their work was being shown.

“These are really good.” Viktor commented, looking at the first piece. It was a landscape; deeply forested night covered in fireflies. “Is this another one of your friends?”

“No, I don’t know them.” Yuuri wandered away, Viktor following closely, as his eyes were drawn to another painting. It was a small settlement surrounded by trees, again at night. There were fireflies, both seemed to be paintings of summer, but there were less. “They’re a forest spirit of some sort. Maybe an elemental?” Yuuri honestly didn’t know much about the different nature spirits. He guessed he had time to learn. “Apparently they lived in this forest for millennia. They helped protect it, maybe? I’m not sure but their first few pieces were of the forest how they remembered it. Then they started to paint their memory of the arrival of mortal creatures. Well, they were mostly humans at first.” 

“How long did they spend on these?” Viktor asked, amazed at the sheer number. It wasn’t like this was the most paintings anyone had done, but Viktor was noticing many of the dates on them were very close together. 

“Six months straight. They didn’t do anything else.” Viktor wasn’t looking at the paintings anymore, instead, he found his eyes drawn to Yuuri’s face. “Day after day, they painted. Then they never painted anything else.”

Viktor was struck by how sad Yuuri looked. It was not exactly a happy story, it sounded so much like the artist couldn’t deal with the changes around them. It sounded like suddenly that had to tell everyone about how wrong everything in their world felt. But even with the subject material, Yuuri look like his entire world was collapsing and the painting in front of him was the only thing he had left. Like it was the only thing keeping him sane. 

“Yuuri…?”

The younger man seemed to snap out of his own thoughts, turning to smile faintly at Viktor. It wasn’t like the fake smile Viktor had flashed earlier, instead, it was all too real. Too real for Viktor. 

“Sorry, I just get really wrapped up in their work. I’ve never seen them in person, though.”

“It’s fine, you don’t need to apologize.” After a moment he solidified his hand, sliding it into Yuuri’s. For a moment Yuuri almost pulled away, the contact surprising and strange. In the end, the feeling of Viktor’s freezing cold hand settled something in Yuuri’s chest that had been threatening to spill out ever since they walked in. “Sorry if it’s cold.”

“No, I like it.” Yuuri smiled more broadly even as his face flushed. “Let’s keep looking.”

Viktor nodded, unbelievably enchanted by the smile he’d been able to pull from Yuuri.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this took me so long but first I had a panic attack, then a depressive episode, then I was really busy, and finally I got hit with some serious writer's block! It's been a week... 
> 
> But I'm fine now :D and after working on some of my original stories and also doing some writing ahead for this fic, I've finally gotten through this chapter. It's not exactly what I wanted but it'll have to do.
> 
> The next chapter is already written so it should be out soon! It's a sort of interlude where we learn more about Yuri. I'll probably have a couple of these throughout the fic that focus on specific characters mostly because I really want to share their stories. I'm especially excited for the Leo and Guang Hong chapter I have planned because I really like them!!!
> 
> Thank you for being patient while I worked out stuff on my end. Hopefully this won't happen too much in the near future but next week is hella' busy for me so it might.


	7. Viktor and Yuuri's Second Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor has never seen the stars without the dreadful light pollution of the city and Yuuri is all too happy to fix that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop, instead of that chapter about Yuri I talked about I decided I needed to move if to a little later.

“What’s that one?” Viktor murmured, pointing to a group of three stars. 

“That’s Orion’s Belt.” Yuuri liked laying next to Viktor, even if he felt a bit awkward. It seemed strange to him that he would even feel awkward when there was nothing tangible next to him. Then again, it wasn’t the actual body that made him buzz with anxiety but instead the person and what this closeness meant. “It’s part of Orion. I think it has some other names, but that’s the one I was always taught.”

“Does it have a story too?” Viktor was amazed by the stars in a way that Yuuri didn’t expect. They’d rode out to a park near the city that was less polluted with excess light after Yuuri borrowed a car from his dance teacher and when he saw the stars Viktor had gasped louder than Yuuri thought was even possible. When Yuuri told him about the constellations he thought Viktor was going to die from excitement, die again that is. 

“Sure…” Before he began, Yuuri turned his head to look at Viktor. He was looking at the sky with sparkling eyes, wonder obvious and youthful on his face. “Have you never seen the stars?” 

“Not like this. At least not that I remember. I’ve always lived in the city.”

“Always?”

“At least as long back as I remember. Did you grow up in a small town.”

Yuuri nodded even thought Viktor wasn’t looking at him. “I was born overseas and we lived there until I was eight before my family decided to move here. Well, not here, but to this country. We still lived in a small town.”

“Do you miss your birth town?”

“Sometimes…” Yuuri smiled, “My two closest friends also moved to this country, but to a different town. We stayed in touch but it’s different than growing up together. They ended up moving to the same town as my family after they had their kids but I came to the city not long after that.” 

“It’s easy to lose contact with people.” Viktor said, suddenly wondering when the last time he talked to Lilia was. She had acted a lot like a mother to him, at least until she moved out. He knew it had been the best for her and Yakov but it still hurt him to watch the people he’d, secretly of course, seen as parents fight and break apart. He’d wanted so badly to fix it but he wasn’t a child at the time and so he’d known enough to not try to keep them together. But Viktor had seen their relationship bloom and then die and even now it was still jarring. He couldn’t even say when that happened, but it still seemed so recent. 

He should ask Yakov for Lilia’s phone number. 

“It’s true. I should really visit my parents soon…” He had a lot to tell his entire family. “And my sister. It’s been ages since I’ve seen her. I call them all but it’s not the same as visiting.”

“You’re right.”

He should ask Yakov for Lilia’s address. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be a downer.” Yuuri smiled but, again, Viktor wasn’t looking at him. The sparkle in his eyes was gone but he didn’t look sad, per say. Maybe a little melancholy, a little wistful. Yuuri guessed he was thinking about the people he’d lost contact with or just lost, he was a ghost after all. The look set off a different type of anxiety in Yuuri. The kind that was afraid of change and of the thought of eternity. “You wanted to hear about Orion?”

“Yah, tell me about him.” 

Yuuri began his story, wanting to grab onto Viktor’s hand but afraid to ask and knowing he couldn’t do so without asking. 

Instead, he scooted closer, drinking in the interest that spread across Viktor’s face and almost, almost, drowned out his sad expression. 

\---

“Yakov~” Viktor sang into the shop when he returned, glad to see the other man was still working the counter even though it was late. 

Yuri and Mila both had plans tonight and Georgi only worked during the day, that whole vampire thing meant that he was trapped inside anyways so why not make money? That said, he’d been really mopey lately thanks to his most recent girlfriend breaking up with him. Viktor thought that at this point the other man would be used to it and yet Georgi spent almost every night moping around downtown without actually doing anything. 

He was honestly the least threatening vampire Viktor had ever met. 

“What is it, Vitya? Do you have to be the loudest noise in a room?” Yakov was gruff but he was really glad to see Viktor was more like his old self. 

“I just had the most wonderful night. Yuuri and I went to look at stars! Did you know there were so many?” Viktor pretended to swoon and Yakov rolled his eyes, smiling when the ghost wasn’t looking. “And Yuuri was so pretty and nice. He told me about any of the stars I wanted to know about. Did you know that constellations all have stories?” 

“I don’t think they all do.” Yakov frowned, “Vitya, you’ve seen stars before.”

“Have I?” The blond smiled, laughing a little. “I don’t recall it. It’s been a long life, Yakov, and I can’t remember everything!”

It was a small detail but Viktor’s constant forgetfulness did worry Yakov. Sure, forgetting about stars he probably saw decades ago wasn’t that worrisome but Yakov thought Viktor was a little too nonchalant about his lacking memory. 

“Apparently Yuuri’s mother was the one who taught him all about the stars, isn’t that sweet?” Excited remembrance popped onto Viktor face, “I almost forgot! Do you have Lilia’s address? I feel bad for falling out of contact with her.” Viktor was surprised when Yakov’s mouth fell open. He tried to hide the terrified confusion in his eyes but it was impossible. The silence lasted for an uncomfortable amount of time. “What?”

“Vitya… What do you mean you want Lilia’s address?”

“Her phone number is fine too.” Viktor pouted, “I just feel bad that I haven’t talked to her in ages just because you two got divorced.”

Viktor watched as Yakov seemed to be struggling for words, something he wasn’t sure the man had ever done.

“Lilia died thirty years ago.”

“What?” Viktor was shaking his head, disbelief evident in his words but his face looked more lost than anything else. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Vitya, how old am I?”

“Seventy-something, I think?” Viktor thought for a moment, “I don’t really remember.” His face creased into anger when Yakov continued to look at him with a mixture of concern and confusion. 

“Vitya, I’m over a hundred years old.” A single second of blissful silence. “How old are you?”

“I don’t know.” Viktor waved the other man away, trying to pretend this wasn’t a problem. “It’s been a long time. How can I keep track?”

“When did you die?” Viktor still didn’t respond. “How did you die?” Nothing. “When did you start working here?”

“You were in your twenties.” Viktor crossed his arms, his face an angry grimace. “I don’t see what your point is.”

“Vitya, this forgetfulness is a problem.”

“It really isn’t. I don’t see why you all are constantly going on about my memory. I’m old, okay? I don’t remember everything!” 

“I know plenty of old ghost, Vitya, and their memories are just fine. You know, Mila knows some people who know a lot about–” 

“I’m fine, Yakov.” Viktor smiled, wide and fake. It was one of the most heartbreaking things Yakov had ever seen. “I know you’re concerned, but I’m fine. I’m happy and having a good time! So what if I don’t remember little details?”

He floated towards the stairs, heading upstairs towards his room while ignoring the concerned calls from Yakov. 

He was fine.

Viktor was fine. 

He was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter might be the aforementioned Yuri chapter but I'm not sure. I feel like after this chapter I want something a little lighter. Really, the issue is I don't have my notes right now so I can't remember exactly what I had planned next (I think I remember but I have a pretty terrible memory) and don't know if it'll make sense to put the Yuri chapter here or after the next chapter. I guess we'll see!
> 
> Thank said, sorry for more or less killing Lilia. I love her so much but... well story. I'm not sure how much more I'll be able to put in about her but basically, she was a powerful witch. She met Yakov soon after he took over the wine and spirits shop and the two end up getting married then divorced. Even thought she'd she moved out she was always doting over Yuri, especially before he died. It was when Yuri died and before he came back as a ghost that she and Yakov got into a huge argument (she blamed him for what happened to Yuri) and she cursed Yakov to basically stop aging when he was around 70. Because of that, she dies relatively young (I will go more into the way immortality works for humans later). She does end up regretting the curse, but there is no way to reverse it (that anyone knows). I think that's everything I have for her, at least everything I can remember off the top of my head. If you have any specific questions feel free to ask :P


	8. Yuri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri was pissed. Most people said he'd always been pissed. But that wasn’t completely true. When he was young he hadn’t been pissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay well... Umm... How do I start to explain how this happened? 
> 
> I have a lot of ranting about what happened, so it's in the end notes.
> 
> Here's the mysteriously missing chapter 8.

Yuri was pissed. Most people said he'd always been pissed. But that wasn’t completely true. When he was young he hadn’t been pissed. 

He’d had a good life, a pretty average life really. Not exactly easy but not hard either.

It was a pretty normal life.

Maybe not that normal. He lived with his grandfather since he was very young. He doesn’t remember a time before he lived with his grandpa. He does remember a time after he lived with his grandpa. 

He loved his grandpa. His grandpa had been the only family Yuri had after his mother died. He didn’t know for sure she died, he’d never asked, but he guessed she had. Or maybe he hoped she had. Her death was sad and lonely but not as earth shattering as the possibility that she just left. That she didn’t love or want him. 

He already knew that was true about his father. 

Yuri didn’t care about his father. He knew he was alive, or he had been when Yuri was only a baby. Yuri had just barely been born when his father left and in all likelihood, the man was still alive somewhere. Then again he could have died, like Yuri’s mother had. 

Though how long had it been since he was born? Was his father maybe an old man now? Would his father even care to know the woman how birthed his child was dead? Would he care that his child was dead?

Yuri tried not to think too much about that stuff. And he definitely didn’t tell anybody about how often he did think about that stuff. 

He never told anyone how afraid he was to ask if his mother had died. 

Nobody really understood ghosts, least of all ghosts themselves. Yuri was angry a lot of the times because he thought that even if his mother died, she must not have cared much about him if she hadn’t returned as a ghost. It wasn’t that he wished she had, he kind of hated being a ghost, but it seemed like that should happen when you have a young child who probably wants his mother to be part of his life. Then again, he couldn’t think of many occasions of mothers dying and coming back as ghosts so it couldn’t actually be her fault.

Nobody really understood ghosts. Like at all. They didn’t understand how a ghost could get tired or how a ghost could sleep. They also didn’t know how hormones and personality worked. Maybe he was angry all the time because his hormone levels were frozen at the point they were at when he died. Maybe he just naturally had an angry personality. Maybe his father knew that and that’s why he left. 

Yuri didn’t care about his father.

He’d seen pictures of his mother, he looks strikingly like she did at 15, and wished he’d been able to know her just a little. Some people lost parents when they were young but have vague memories of them. Or they convinced themselves they had memories of them because they thought they should have them. Yuri knew she died too young for him to remember her and so he had neither real memories nor fake memories he’d convinced himself were real. 

All he had were pictures and memories from his grandpa. And his grandpa was gone too. 

That had honestly been a long time ago. Yakov hadn’t been eternally old and Lilia was still around, though he thinks the two were already separated. So it was a long time ago. Not as long ago as anything that happened to Viktor, but it was a long time ago when you only lived 15 years before becoming an ever young, ever angry ghost. 

Yakov had sort of been Yuri godfather, not that that was what Nikolai had called the man, and when Nikolai died suddenly Yuri moved in with Yakov. Yakov had been relatively young, Yuri never knew the exact age but he guessed somewhere around his 30s or 40s. Maybe 50, but that would really be pushing it. How old had his grandpa been when he died? 

If his grandpa had been in his fifties then maybe Yakov had been too. 

Yuri wasn’t forgetful like Viktor, he just sometimes lost years and ages. But he’d been like that before he was dead. He just didn’t care about those kinds of specifics and so he let the be. Now he kind of wished he’d spent more time thinking about ages and years. 

He wouldn’t become forgetful and listless like Viktor. He wouldn’t let time rob him of meaning and memory. Yuri was certain that would never happen simply because he decided it wouldn’t.

Viktor had already been a ghost when Yuri moved in with Yakov. He was an ever present positive force who mostly pissed Yuri off. He blamed Viktor for his constant irritation because it was really only Viktor that he’d ever been angry at in life.

And school. And sometimes Yakov. And not having any blood relatives alive and present. And the fact that he’d been laughed at when he said he wanted to join the hockey team. And the fact that those kids he beat up had started it by making fun of him and he shouldn’t have gotten in trouble. 

So maybe there was a lot he was angry about. 

He still blamed Viktor.

Over the years Yuri had become less angry at Viktor and more concerned for him. He seemed so listless. His forgetfulness was becoming worrisome. He never took a day off and sometimes would work for days straight before Yakov could get him out of the store. 

And then he’d met Yuuri, the young man who was irritatingly named the same thing as Yuri, and suddenly he was floating around talking about the man all day. First, he moped around because he couldn’t find the stranger who’d drunkenly wandered into the store and didn’t buy anything. Then he magically found the man and suddenly they were going on dates and actually all touchy and Viktor was different and annoying and different. 

Good different.

Yuri would never tell him, but it was a good different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to say that this fic was supposed to me mostly fluff/humor with a little angst. I'm so sorry, but apparently, I am incapable of not having at least 50% angst content or higher.
> 
> \---
> 
> I'm irrationally angry right now because while doing some editing I realized THIS CHAPTER APPARENTLY NEVER POSTED? AO3 PLEASE!
> 
> I'm really f-ing pissed right now that this happened. THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHAPTERS FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
> 
> Okay, enough complaining. (I hate the world, I am literally screaming right now. Isn't it fitting that the chapter about the perpetually angry Yuri would make me fucking infuriated?) 
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://imgur.com/8sb0IR6)  
>  [](http://imgur.com/f9aBs6h) [](http://imgur.com/trSYVaM)


	9. Yuuri and Viktor's Third Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Viktor have their third date, and they have a talk.

Yuuri was pretty good at telling when something was wrong. He was worse at telling what was wrong. He was horrible at asking what was wrong.

He was really good at assuming what was wrong. 

Phichit always told him he overthought things but it wasn’t like Yuuri could stop overthinking things. It just happened because his brain hated him. Also he rarely noticed he was overthinking things until much later. Or until someone pointed it out to him. 

That was all to say that he could tell something was wrong with Viktor from the moment they met up but now that they were sitting side by side on a park bench it was much more noticeable. Viktor’s mind was obviously elsewhere, playing little attention to the park or to Yuuri. The way he was fidgeting made his discomfort and concern obvious. 

Yuuri was pretty sure he wanted to break up, or break this off, but was too nice to say so.

“Viktor, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He answered, smile obviously fake. 

“If you want to tell me anything, you can.” 

“Thanks but really, I’m fine.”

Finally, the fake smile was too much and Yuuri stood. He didn’t need sympathy. 

“Well, I’ll be going then.”

“What?” Viktor looked panicked, “Where are you going?”

“We can just end this here, that’s fine.” Yuuri was walking away but Viktor continued to follow him. “You don’t have to act like this.”

“Like what.” Yuuri didn’t know how ghostly movement worked, but suddenly Viktor was standing in from of him. He let out a small yelp before his face fell into a self-conscious frown. “Yuuri, what’s going on?”

“You don’t have to pretend you like spending time with me.” Was he really going to make Yuuri say it out loud. It was embarrassing and he really didn’t want to have to explain to Viktor what he was so obviously doing. “It’s better we just end it. I don’t need your sympathy or whatever it is that’s keeping you here.”

Yuuri was tempted to walk through Viktor but felt that might be rude so instead went around him. He yelped again, he really wished he was less easily surprised, when a cold hand closed around his wrist. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I did but I don’t want to end things.” Yuuri turned to look at Viktor, surprised to find the other man with a devastated look on his face. He looked almost ready to cry. “If you do, that’s fine, but I don’t know why you’re blaming it on me.”

“I just thought–” When the cold of Viktor’s hand disappeared from his wrist Yuuri sucked in air shakily, missing the cool touch already. “You were acting so distant. Why else would you be acting like that if you didn’t want to leave?”

“I’m sorry.” Viktor looked conflicted for a moment before sighing. “It’s not you. I’ve just been thinking about a lot of stuff lately.”

“Stuff?” Yuuri found himself stepping towards Viktor, concern laced into his face and voice. “Viktor?”

“I just found out a good friend of mine died and I–” His voice caught for a moment before he continued, “I forgot about her death and I don’t know what else I’ve forgotten.”

“Viktor…” Yuuri felt like shit. He’d overthought and made assumptions again and now he’d hurt Viktor. He really didn’t deserve a relationship when all he ever seemed to do was hurt other people. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“It’s fine…” Viktor smiled but it was weak and his eyes were so sad. “I’m just starting to realize I might not have as good a memory as I thought.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuuri repeated, reaching out to the other man before remembering he wouldn't be able to give any sort of comforting touch.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know.” Viktor solidified a hand and held it out to Yuuri who took it with a smile. Viktor tugged him towards the exit to the park without saying anything else.

“I shouldn't have assumed… I tend to do that.”

“You did ask what was wrong.” Viktor lead them both down the sidewalk in the direction of Yakov’s store. “I shouldn’t have come out if I didn’t want to talk about what was bothering me.” He paused at the front of the store. “I don’t mean to be forward, but would you like to come upstairs?”

Yuuri blinked at Viktor, “What?”

If ghosts could blush, Viktor knew he would be blushing. He could feel the blushing feeling even though it didn’t show in his cheeks. If he wanted to, he could reform his face to show a blush but that would take precious energy he wanted to use to touch Yuuri.

He hadn’t meant for it to sound like that.

“I was wondering if you, umm, would be interested in coming upstairs to talk and, umm, maybe cuddle?” 

Yuuri couldn’t help but smile at how flustered Viktor was asking for something so chaste. That said, Yuuri was blushing pretty furiously. 

“Sure.”

\---

It was a small bedroom. Just a bed, a desk, a dressed, and a tall armoire. All of the furniture seemed more or less unused, which made sense, with the desk the only thing that looked even a bit in use with a handful of papers and a couple of books scattered around the surface. 

There was a small window over the desk that looked out onto the alleyway behind the building. It wasn’t the prettiest sight but Yuuri was pretty sure the building adjacent to Yakov’s was short enough that at noontime the bedroom would get a little bit of light. 

“How long have you lived here?” Yuuri asked before realizing that might be a touchy subject.

“Not sure.” Viktor shrugged, “Since I started working here. That was before Yakov owned the building. It used to be a florist shop before Yakov bought it.”

Yuuri giggled despite himself, “Yakov bought a florist shop and turned it into a liquor store?”

“He’s very Russian, I know.” After a moment of hesitation, Yuuri sat down on the bed and Viktor followed suit. Really he was floating over the bed but it was close enough. Really the only difference from a regular person was the fact that the mattress didn’t shift at all. “Was I too forward before?”

Yuuri smiled. He found Viktor to be sweet and reserved which, while unexpected, wasn’t unpleasant. Yuuri wouldn’t have minded if that hadn’t been the case but this surprise was something he enjoyed. It felt almost intimate, that he was shyer when only Yuuri was around. Yuuri was pretty sure most of his boisterousness nature was at least partially an act and Yuuri felt happy that Viktor didn’t feel the need to act like that with him. 

“No, it’s fine.” Yuuri glanced up at Viktor, “Is being solid hard?”

Viktor snorted and Yuuri raised an eyebrow. 

“Sorry, that was just funny wording.” Viktor smirked as he spoke, “But I’d say no. It’s not hard, at least not for me. When I start to run low on energy I start to feel sort of tired and then it’s basically impossible to keep my form solid.”

Yuuri took a long breath then swung his legs onto the bed, careful not to put them through Viktor. He laid with his back to the room, scooching closer to the wall.

“What happens when you get tired?”

“I have to rest.” There was a long pause in which Yuuri glanced back at Viktor with a raised eyebrow. Viktor blinked and Yuuri gestured for him to lay down too. “It’s like sleeping. Or maybe like hibernating.” Viktor laid down but hesitated to do anything more, “You don’t mind how cold I am?”

“I don’t.” Yuuri felt the bed indent behind him and cold arms wrapping uncertainly around him. “It’s nice.”

And it did feel nice against his perpetually warm skin. It was a better solution to his annoyingly perfect body temperature than his last attempt which left Phichit terrified and guilt-ridden. Yuuri hated how much guilt he was piling onto Phichit right now, none of this was his fault, but it was hard not to act like your world was falling apart when your world was, in fact, falling apart. 

“Yuuri…?” Viktor murmured into their comfortable silence. 

“Yah?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Just for being here. A lot of people would have left the moment they learned I was a ghost.”

“Everyone has their own things.” Yuuri felt bad because he was also not telling Viktor everything. “That’s one of your things.”

“And you didn’t react to my… bad memory like everyone else always does. You don’t put on that face like I’m some poor animal to be pitied.” Yuuri started to speak but Viktor continued. “I don’t know how old I am and I don’t remember how I died. It’s been bothering me because I just realized it. But, when I’m with you I don’t care. The past doesn’t matter because you’re not in it.” Viktor scratched the back of his neck even though Yuuri couldn’t see the show of embarrassed nervousness. “Sorry, was that too much?”

“No.” Yuuri felt tears pricking at his eyes. He never thought he’d hear someone say something like that to him, especially not now that he was a liability to anyone who would feel anything for him. 

Yuuri yawned and Viktor followed suit, though it wasn’t an actual physical response so much as a way for him to show others he was low on energy.

“If you want to sleep here, I’m going to get my energy back. I can’t remain solid but… But I’d like knowing you were here.” Viktor grinned when Yuuri flipped over to look at him. “I don’t know how long I’ll be so if you need to leave and I’m still sleeping, you can go.”

“Okay.” Yuuri breathed, already feeling exhaustion tugging at him. It had been a long day.

Viktor situated himself so Yuuri had a good amount of room to move around before letting his mind blank and his vision go black.

\---

The flash of pretty eyes that were so familiar.

The heat of two bodies pressed together.

The warmth of the liquid seeping from the gash made by the cold metal in his abdomen. 

The cold of the darkness.

\---

Viktor’s shout woke Yuuri from his own dreamless sleep, terrified and unsure as he momentarily forgot where he was. 

“Viktor?” He asked when he remembered, “Viktor, are you okay?” 

Yuuri found the other man sitting on the bed, floating just above the covers, with his hands over his mouth and pain in his eyes. 

“Viktor?” Yuuri wanted to reach out to him but knew it was impossible. “Did you have a nightmare?”

Hesitantly, Viktor nodded and so Yuuri waited for the ghost to calm down.

“Ghosts don’t have nightmares.” He explained, slowly and in a voice so quiet that Yuuri almost couldn’t hear him. “But you can see things when you sleep. I saw… I saw memories from before I died. I think I saw how I died, or at least part of it.” Yuuri waited, not wanting to push. “I don’t know anything about my past, Yuuri. I don’t know if I accurately expressed how little I remember but I really don’t remember anything from before I died. Even after that, it’s all very hazy. But I saw someone, I was with someone. I think they might have been my lover? Then I was dying and it was all so real, it felt like it was actually happening.”

“It’s okay, Viktor, it’s in the past. You’re okay now.” 

Yuuri wished he could help more but he knew he couldn’t do much. He could give physical comfort and his words were, like always lacking. He also had no idea how ghosts even worked so his knowledge base was pretty unhelpful. 

Viktor nodded and sighed, taking a few deep breaths.

“Mila, she’s one of my coworkers, has a friend who is supposed to know a lot about ghosts. Yakov wanted me to talk to her, to find out if there was any way to fix my memory issues but I was afraid. I think this was what I was afraid of.” He didn’t know why these memories had surfaced now, but it terrified him. Viktor had never been particularly bothered by change, let alone scared by it. The past, though, terrified him. It was an unchangeable unknown and he hadn’t wanted any part of it. But now it seemed like his past was going to come for him whether he liked it or not. “I think I’m going to ask Mila to take me to her friend…”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Yuuri nodded, “You know Viktor…”

Yuuri wanted to tell Viktor all about how terrified he was of everything happening in his own life. He wanted to tell him the one big secret he was keeping for no reason other than his own fear that speaking the words would make it real. He knew he should tell Viktor, so they could both support each other, but instead, he kept silent.

“What?”

Yuuri shook his head, “Never mind. I’ll tell you some other time.”

Viktor nodded and Yuuri put his arms out to show he was open for a hug. After a moment the bed dipped down and Viktor was hugging Yuuri tightly. 

Yuuri was warm.

Yuuri needed to tell Viktor. 

Yuuri liked the cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I've been bad about posting the last week or two. I got Persona 5 last Tuesday and srsly I basically haven't stopped playing. 
> 
> I'm also dying right now for no good reason so I hope this is coherent.


	10. Mila

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Mila hadn’t already been concerned about Viktor, which she had been, now she would have been. She hadn’t met Viktor until she started working for Yakov but that was at almost an entire human lifetime ago and she was pretty sure that was long enough to know someone. She was concerned because he seemed even worse than he had just a few weeks ago. So unlike the Viktor that Mila knew.
> 
> She was concerned and hoped she could help.

Viktor considered most of his coworkers his family and Mila was no exception. 

If they all sat down and counted up how many years they’d existed then Mila would definitely be the oldest of them but Viktor was pretty sure she’d never admit that. She was very proud of the ageless eighteen she had going for her. Viktor suspected that was more because she liked to pretend she hadn’t seen decades turn to centuries turn to millennium. She was one of the few millennium old immortals who didn’t seem horribly destroyed by the changes around her, but that didn’t make the loss of what was basically her home any less upsetting. 

“Mila…?” Mila wasn’t used to Viktor being quiet or reserved in anyway and yet here he was, standing in front of her with a quiet voice and folded hands. 

“Is something wrong?”

“Yakov told me you have some friends who could help me figure out why I’m so… forgetful.” 

“Oh.” Mila was glad he was finally ready to figure out what was wrong with him but she honestly hadn’t expected it to come so quickly. If she’d been asked to bet on when he decided his memory was a problem then she would have put the year at least a decade from now. Maybe a couple of decades. “I can bring you over to meet them after my shift is done.”

“You can go now.” Yakov appeared, surprising Mila. There weren’t many people who could surprise Mila and Yakov was by far the youngest. She didn’t know how he managed to be so quiet. “I’ll take over the store.”

“Thanks, Yakov.” Viktor smiled at him, faint and unsure. 

If Mila hadn’t already been concerned about Viktor, which she had been, now she would have been. She hadn’t met Viktor until she started working for Yakov but that was at almost an entire human lifetime ago and she was pretty sure that was long enough to know someone. As of late, he had been doing so much better too after he met that new human. 

Mila had yet to meet him but she had already made it her mission to become friends with whoever Viktor’s totally-not-his-boyfriend was. 

In this moment, though, she was concerned because he seemed even worse than he had a few weeks ago. So unlike the Viktor Mila knew.

She was concerned and hoped she could help. 

\---

“Have you ever been to the old forest?” Mila asked when they got off the bus and started towards the entrance. 

“No, I don’t think so.” Even as he was saying that Mila saw something in his eyes that seemed to say he wasn’t sure himself. Then again, with his memory so in question as of late he was probably questioning everything. “I don’t remember ever coming here.”

“Most mortals don’t so I doubt you did when you were alive.” It only took a couple of seconds of being in the small forested park for Viktor to lose the path he swore they were just following. Mila seemed to know where she was going, though. “This was the heart of the part of the forest I protected, millennium ago. I protected a large portion of The Forest but once humans arrived, and then other mortal creatures after that, I lost most of it. First, it was broken into chunks by the smattering of towns that popped up in it but it wasn’t long before the entire thing was cut down to either for the land or building materials used by the city.”

“That must have been hard, to lose your home.”

Mila shrugged and smiled, “At first it kind of was. But I learned to get used to it, learned to like it. The city is nice and I like humans. Mortal creatures are nice, even if they’re so fleeting.” Viktor never felt very old so the thought of how very mortal Yuuri and his friends were had never struck Viktor until now. Had he really fallen for someone who he’d outlive by an infinity? “And some of The Forest is still left. And the three most important people from my past still live here, so it’s not like I’ve lost that much. I miss being able to run for miles through unending trees, sure, but I never lost the people most important to me.”

The clearing the reached seemed to appear abruptly. Viktor didn't remember a thinning or trees or any indication that a clearing was coming up, like you’d see in a normal forest. Then again, this was one of the hearts of The Old Forest, so there was probably at least residual magic in this place.

“Mila!” A woman’s voice called, followed by a splashing of water. “It’s been too long.”

Mila snorted, walking to the pond that took up much of the clearing. “It’s been three days, _Pchelka_.”

Viktor could tell the person was pouting at Mila as she got closer to the woman. “Yah, and it’s been too long _Passerotta_.”

Mila leaned down and the two kissed for a moment before another figure broke the surface, “Would you two at least wait until I’m not around to do this?”

“We’re kissing, Mickey.” The woman said to the man who looked strikingly like her, with really only a difference in their hair color. “It’s not like were having sex.”

“Don’t want to hear it.” He called, talking over the second half of her sentence. 

“You’re a prude.” Mila snorted, “Where’s Emil?”

“Here!” If Viktor had been closer to the water he probably would have yelped and jumped away as a third person broke the surface, loud and sudden. “I’m here! And you brought a friend?”

Suddenly all three strangers were staring at Viktor and he felt extremely unsure. He wasn’t usually awkward around strangers but this was different. They had to be immortal, based on things Mila had told him, and he always had trouble figuring out how to talk to immortals. 

“I’m Viktor, I work with Mila.”

“Oh, she’s told us about you.” The woman gave him a bright smile, “I’m Sara. This is my brother Mickey and his partner, Emil.”

“Hey!” Mickey blushed, sputtering. “Don’t just say that!” 

Sara rolled her eyes, ignoring her brother. “I’m sure you brought him for a reason. How can we help you today?” 

“Yakov told me you know something about ghosts.” Viktor explained, “And I was looking for some help with issues I’m having.”

Sara smiled, looking far too interested in this, “Don’t like being a ghost?”

“That's not it.” Viktor said, even though he couldn’t say he liked being a ghost. That just wasn’t the issue at hand. “I have a bad memory. Or, no, I have almost no memories. I don’t remember anything from before I died and even after that is pretty hazy. I don’t know why I can’t remember anything, but it’s not… it’s not normal. But then, I was resting and had flashes of what I think was my death. I don’t know why. I’ve never had anything like that happen while I was recharging.”

“Hmm…” Sara leaned on the edge of the pond. Unexpectedly, a tail flipping up out of the water before knocking back down and spraying water onto Mickey and Emil. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but somehow a mermaid wasn’t it. “Sounds like your death was quite tragic. There are a couple of different reasons people stick around as ghosts and the two most common ones are a violent death and feeling like you still have unfinished business. Anger and feeling like you owe someone something are also pretty common. Your case sounds like the violent, sudden death though and you’re probably suppressing those memories.”

“Why would they suddenly come back?”

“Was anything different about your rest?”

“Not really.” Only now he remembered that there _had_ been something different. “Oh, actually…”

“Ooo, you thought of something?”

“Well, I was sort of sleeping with someone.” Mila bit her lip, smirking at him. “Not like that! He just fell asleep and I was resting and we happened to both be in my bed.”

“Oh Viktor, you should have told me this was connected to you boyfriend!” Mila covered her mouth, trying not to giggle.

“He’s not– we’re not– it wasn’t–” Viktor stuttered out, making Mila laugh. “Sara is that something that might change things.”

Sara’s eyes were closed, her chin resting in her palm. “Mickey, Emil. Do you think this could be what I’m thinking?”

Emil had his arms wrapped around Mickey’s shoulders, the darker haired man blushing now that Mila and Viktor were looking at them. 

“It could be.” Mickey said, unconsciously copying Sara’s pose. 

“What do you know about souls?” Emil asked Viktor, tilting his head to the side. 

“Souls?” Viktor asked, “I didn’t think souls were real.”

This made everyone in the clearing laugh, Mila included, making Viktor feel very out of the loop. Old immortals were strange.

“Oh, Vitya.” Mila laughed, “Sometimes I forget how young you really are. And how human.”

“Souls are very real.” Emil told him, using a serious voice even though his face betrayed his difficulty with seriousness. “All mortal beings have one. And some immortal beings, like ghosts and angels and immortal humans, but they’re the expectation. A ghost is basically a physical manifestation of a soul. That’s why you can change your shape at will, at least if you’re strong enough.”

“A soul doesn’t have one shape.” Mickey continued. “A ghost can be anyone because it is the purest, still sentient version of a soul. Souls are immortal and unless something breaks the cycle, a soul will keep being reborn. The only way to stop this cycle is if a soul ends up a ghost, is given the right to accession and becomes an angel, or if they’re made immortal through magic.”

“Okay.” Viktor’s mind was swimming. This was a lot of information to take in. “What does that have to do with my memory? Or with Yuuri?”

“Wait, his name is Yuuri?” Sara smirked, “Isn’t that the name of one of your other coworkers, Mila?”

“Yep, and it annoys him to no end.”

Normally Viktor would be all up for chitchat, he was a very pleasant kind of guy and he loved small talk and meeting new people. But right now, he felt a pressuring weight on his mind that would only be fulfilled by answers.

“What do souls have to do with my memory?”

“Well the memory thing has to do with the trauma of your death.” Sara seemed to be waving the question away. “But I think I know why this Yuuri guy is bringing your memories back.”

“Why?” Was she going to make him force every word out of her? Viktor was sure he’d like Sara if he wasn’t so stressed right now.

“He’s your soulmate.” Emil chimed in, obviously too antsy to keep up the suspense. 

“That’s just a partial theory.” Sara admitted, “He was definitely around when you died though. There is some sort of reaction going on between your souls so he must have a deeper connection to you.”

Viktor had nothing to say. He wouldn't say this was the first time he’d ever been speechless, but it was one of the few times. Soulmates? He was there when Viktor died? What were they even talking about?

Then he remembered the familiar eyes from his ‘dream.’ 

“Oh…” He murmured, “It was because he had the same eyes.”

“Ooo, he remembered something.” Viktor would have to ask Mila to bring him here again when he was less agitated with his own existence. He was pretty sure he’d like talking to Sara under other circumstances. 

“Thank you three for your help, I hope to speak more to you when I’m less… busy.” Mila frowned, she’d never heard Viktor speak so politely let alone so stiltedly. “I need to go now.”

“It was nice meeting you.” Sara smiled, giving him a little wave.

As Mila knelt down to give her a kiss, Mickey and Emil both bid Viktor goodbye. Then Mila stood and lead Viktor back to Yakov’s without a word between them. Even when Yakov asked Viktor how it went, the ghost simply waved the man away while flashing them both a strained smile before he disappeared up to his room. 

Mila was concerned about her friend and, for the first time in a long time, had no idea what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, I did it. I've sort of kind of been working on a new entry into the It's Easier With You series even though I said I wouldn't work on something else until I finished one of my THREE ongoing fics. Then again, if I'm somehow able to finish that new fic entirely, then I guess I will post it. 
> 
> Next chapter is SUPPOSED to be lighter. In my outline, the only note for the next chapter is "FUN CHAPTER!!!" where 'fun' is underlined twice. 
> 
> I also realized one of my favorite chapters (which is already written that's how excited I am for it) is probably not gonna be until at earliest chapter 15 which is also not even that close to the end of this fic so I'm starting to realize this might be significantly more chapters than I ever expected. I only have 14 chapters outline right now though, so we'll see. I don't actually have an ending for this, which is not great, but it's what I've got for now. 
> 
> Hmm... I think that's everything I wanted to say. It's really nice out today where I am so I finished this chapter while sitting outside. I lost my sunglasses yesterday so I'm basically going blind but it's just 2 nice out.


	11. Phichit's Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phichit had just issued a Code Pink, according to Chris. What Code Pink meant, Yuuri couldn't exactly remember, but he was pretty sure it had something to do with crushes or dates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you call it when a ship isn't the main one but like is more than a side ship? In this fic Seungchuchu is like a B-plot romance (If Viktuuri is the A-plot) and here's the beginning of it.

Yuuri was on his way back from class when he received a text from Chris. 

_Jesus Chris: Phichit called a code pink_

_Yuuri: ‘Kay. I’ll be home soon._

Phichit had, with Chris’ help, put together quite the list of different code colors that all meant different things. Yuuri couldn’t remember them all but he was pretty sure code pink had something to do either with crushes or dating. Chris knew them better because he was the one who usually got the messages from Phichit, since Yuuri was usually already with Phichit given they slept in the same room. 

The only ones Yuuri knew where code black was death or major injury, code red was really bad news or non-life threatening injuries or danger, and code blue was what Phichit called when Yuuri was having a bad day. He didn’t know exactly what its official meaning was but he guess it was something along the lines of ‘mental health help necessary, non-emergency.’ That said, there were a lot more colors that he had no clue what they meant. 

Like pink. 

It quickly became apparent Yuuri had most likely been right with the date guess. At least he assumed so based on the fact that when he walked into his and Phichit’s bedroom he found the room covered in what seemed like every piece of clothing Phichit owned. 

Yuuri coughed to get the attention of the understandably flustered Phichit and the surprisingly flustered Chris. 

“I’d say thank the gods you’re here,” Phichit was currently holding up two almost identical shirts, “but please don’t be offended that I don’t want to take your fashion advice.”

“Love you too.” Yuuri snorted, “Who’s the date with?”

“The guy I told you about? The one I invited to lunch.”

“What was his name again?” Yuuri had been a little preoccupied at that lunch. 

“Seung-gil Lee.” Phichit dropped both shirts. “Yuuri I have no idea what to wear. What do you wear to a museum?” 

“So it is a date, then?” Yuuri asked, collecting clothes off the floor and beginning to either fold them or set them aside to be hung back up. 

“I don’t even know!” Phichit flopped dramatically onto his bed, disturbing the piles of clothes Yuuri had put there. Yuuri said nothing, listening to Phichit’s muffled continuation. “I think it might be? But he didn’t call it a date and he said he was going to go with his sister but she wasn’t able to.” Chris and Yuuri both snorted at this, the sound loud enough for Phichit pull his face out of the covers. “What?”

“Does he even have a sister?” Chris asked.

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask. Are you suggesting he lied?”

“What Chris is suggesting,” Yuuri sat down on his own bed. The piles of clothes were a mess now and he was resigned to cleaning them up later. He knew Phichit would do it himself but it wasn’t like Yuuri had much else to do. It was nice to do something mindless like folding clothes. “is that he was too embarrassed to ask you straight out so made up an excuse. And it was an easy way for him to pay for your ticket without having to actually ask you on a date.” Yuuri shrugged, “It’s probably what I would have done if I was trying to ask you out. You’re an intimidatingly nice and attractive person.”

“Thanks.” Phichit smiled at Yuuri briefly before groaning. “It’s so confusing. One moment he’s straightforwardly blunt and the next he might as well be speaking archaic French.”

Yuuri chuckled, “Archaic French?”

“Long story.” Phichit’s words were once again muffled by his bedding. “I have almost no time left to pick out an outfit. What am I going to do?”

“Phichit, just wear what you would normally wear.” Yuuri didn’t mean to sound so exasperated, but it came out that way all the same. “You look great in whatever you wear.”

Phichit sighed, looking up to smile at his friend. “Okay. Thanks, guys.”

\---

Phichit pulled absently at the hem of his shirt, a simple crop top that he and Yuuri had both bought so they could match for a twins themed party last year, waiting for Seung-gil at the entrance of The Museum of Science and Technology. It was warm out and yet he wrapped his arms around his own body, trying to keep from tapping his hands against his legs. 

“Hello.” The young man jumped at the low voice behind him. 

“Seung-gil!” Phichit turned and smiled at the young man, his heart falling when he saw Seung-gil was still wearing his normal athletic gear. Phichit wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen the man wear anything else but he had to own something else. And if he did own something else, wouldn’t you want to wear that to this if this was indeed a date? “Hello!”

“Thanks for coming.” Seung-gil said, “Want to go inside?”

“Yes! of course! Let’s go!” Phichit could hear how strange he sounded and could feel the heat in his own cheeks. Even so, Seung-gil didn’t even bat an eye at Phichit’s strange behavior.

He prayed to every god he knew that his stomach would settle and that he wouldn’t do anything embarrassing. Anything more, that was. 

\---

“So, do you usually wear a tracksuit everywhere?” Phichit asked while they waited in line for the day’s show. Admission to the show was included in the ticket price so it only seemed right that they see whatever it was this science show was about. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you wear anything else.”

“I have other clothes, but most of them are too warm for summers here.” Phichit thought that might have been the longest sentence Seung-gil had said to date. It was definitely the longest sentence he’d said today. “I didn’t know it was going to get so humid here.”

“It’s only going to get worse. July is even hotter.” Seung-gil’s frown deepened, “We should go shopping sometime. I can help you pick out some summer clothes.” 

Seung-gil gave Phichit a once over, “I won’t have to wear a shirt like that, right?” 

“Oh… no.” Phichit looked at his feet. He’d thought this was a pretty good outfit. Along with his crop top, maroon because he liked that color, were black Capri pants that weren't skin tight but definitely showed off his legs. 

There was a long, awkward silence before Seung-gil broke it with a sudden. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Phichit looked up and saw Seung-gil was grimacing off to his side.

“I wasn’t insulting you.” He said as the line started to move. “I just meant I don’t think I’d look good in that.”

Phichit smiled before breaking into giggles, covering his mouth in a failed attempt to stifle his laughter. 

Seung-gil was glad it didn’t work because he was pretty sure Phichit had the best laugh he’d ever heard. He made a show of being annoyed by the laughing, Phichit was laughing at him, but both men knew it wasn’t genuine. 

They fell into silence, finding good seats on the backless benches in the theater. Phichit made sure to be close enough that the bumping of his knee into Seung-gil’s seemed natural, just in case the other man didn’t think this was a date.

Phichit was about to ask a question aimed at figuring out how the taller man felt but the lights fell and he resigned himself to finding out later. He would be surprised to find that knowledge came sooner than expected in the form of Seung-gil silently slipping his hand into Phichit’s.

Phichit wasn’t sure he’d ever smiled so wide in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HaHA, I outlined this as a fun chapter and IT WAS. No angst at all, look at that. Next chapter on the other hand....
> 
> I'm really tired right now and I'm not actually like intoxicated but I have been drinking (sipping a single cup of sake, I'm not actually intoxicated at all) so I am kind of losing it. 
> 
> Why is there no fan art of Seung-gil in a crop top? If I could draw let me tell you, that would be like the fifth thing I drew. I don't actually think he'd ever wear one but like I still want to see it.
> 
> Oh, there is a reason behind Chris being "Jesus Christ" in Yuuri's phone but I haven't actually come up with an in fic reason. I just have a habit of accidentally typing Chris as Christ which lead to my favorite sentient I've written: "Christ patted him on the shoulder." This, kids, is why we don't write while tired.


	12. Viktor and Yuuri's Fourth Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forever never scared Viktor. It wasn't the stretch of changes that laid ahead of him which made his stomach drop and his mind fuzzy with fear. It was the past that he was forgetting that haunted him. It was his slow march towards nothingness and towards forgetting everything that ever mattered to him. His past was terrifying but so was forgetting it.
> 
> He hoped he'd never forget Yuuri. At least, not again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot longer than I expected... oops...
> 
> EDIT: I forgot to mention (sry) there are some parts of this (and there may be some later) that mention Yuuri's self-destructive behaviors and also make mention to some behaviors what could be classified as self-harm. They're not graphic and for now, they're only mentioned and I don't think they'll be a problem for anyone but I just want to be sure I put this here just in case!

Yuuri was honestly surprised that the meal ended up being one of the best things he’d ever eaten.

It wasn’t that he didn’t think Viktor could cook a decent meal, it just seemed like a strange skill for a ghost to have. And a tiring one, at that. 

But when Viktor lead Yuuri to the dining room table, there was a beautiful plate of some delicious chicken dish waiting for him. It had tasted even better than it looked and Yuuri was pretty sure if he hadn’t been one hundred percent into Viktor before then he was now. That said, he’d definitely been one hundred percent into Viktor before so this wasn’t a great point to make but he still thought it made his point pretty well. 

“Where did you learn to cook like this?” Yuuri asked between bites of flavorful chicken.

Viktor blinked, looking confused for a moment. “I don’t know. I’ve just always been able to.” 

“Oh.” Yuuri chewed silently for a few heartbeats. “Sorry.” 

Viktor smiled brightly, “It’s fine.” Then his smile dropped, “I spoke to Mila’s friends about ghosts. They told me some stuff about souls that was pretty intense.”

“Yah?” Yuuri prompted, not wanting to say too much. 

“Yah… They said that ghosts are just souls and that all mortals have souls.” Those words made Yuuri’s body feel cold and so unlike his own. 

“Oh? How do souls work?”

“I’m not really sure. But I guess souls are reincarnated if a mortal creature dies.” There was a scrunched, squinty quality to Viktor’s face as if he was unsure of what he’d learned only two days ago. “But ghosts, immortals, and angels break that rule.

“Oh, good.” Yuuri said without thinking. “What does that have to do with your memories?”

“Oh, it… umm…” Viktor’s eyes were shifting from side to side, only meeting Yuuri’s at the last moment. “It wasn’t really important. They said that I probably was blocking my memories because I died tragically.”

“It doesn’t sound like they gave you that much more information than you already had. Did they at least give you a way to help your memory?”

Viktor remained silent, contemplating his choices. He could say they didn’t and maybe never get his memory back. He could lie to Yuuri to make the reasoning for needing the other man close to him less awkward. Or he could tell the truth. He could say that Yuuri was, at the very least, his lover when he was alive and was probably with him when he died. He could tell him what the mermaids said about soulmates.

But that was all hypothetical, and the thought of soulmates still rubbed Viktor the wrong way. It just seemed too convenient. Too much like destiny and he wasn’t one for destiny. It hadn’t exactly been kind to him. 

“Viktor?” Yuuri looked concerned, his hand reached partway to Viktor, stopping only when he remembered how impossible physical comfort would be. 

Viktor didn’t know what to say. He never seemed to know what to say in serious situations. He might not have been so torn up by the little he’d learned if he hadn’t overheard a conversation between Yakov and Mila yesterday. 

_“If he doesn’t face his past it’s not going to end well. He’ll slowly forget everything, which is what’s happening now, and then when he forgets everything he’ll start to fade until there’s nothing left.”_

But to ‘face his past’ he had to remember it first. And apparently, the only way for him to remember it was to spend time close to Yuuri and while he was totally up for cuddling with Yuuri more often, he could hardly ask the young man to give him that type of emotional support. Especially not when he couldn’t provide much in the way or physical or emotional support. 

“Viktor, you can tell me what’s going on.”

“If I don’t get my memories back, eventually I’m going to disappear.” He simplified, “For some reason, you seem to help me remember things I’ve forgotten so maybe we could cuddle again?”

Yuuri laughed and as startled as Viktor was, he wasn’t angry. He could tell in the tone and in Yuuri’s face that Yuuri wasn’t making fun of him.

“Viktor, I would cuddle with you again regardless.”

“You don’t mind that I’m so cold?” Viktor asked, honestly surprised by his assertion. 

Instead of answering, Yuuri’s face dropped and he looked down at his almost empty plate. “Can I ask something? Is there anything you miss about being alive? If you can even remember.” 

“Sure, there’s plenty. I might not remember my life but I have a vague sense of what being alive was like.” Viktor hummed to himself, thinking about what he missed most. “The feeling of wind. I can feel pressure but it’s not the same It doesn’t have the same sensation that living nerves give you. No tickling or sensual touches or pain. All just various levels of pressure.” 

“This was really good.” Yuuri finished his plate and brought it into the kitchen, only to have Viktor wave him away from cleaning it.

“I’ll get that later. For now… could we cuddle?” Yuuri nodded and only when they were settled in Viktor room with the lights off and their limbs tangled together did Viktor continue. “I miss eating. I guess I must have been a good cook but I just… I really miss eating and the feeling of the wind in my hair and being soft.”

“Soft?”

“Ghosts aren’t soft, they aren’t made of flesh like people. Every movement is a ghost changing themselves slightly. Everything about ghosts is just some horrible act meant to pretend were still mortal.” Viktor laughed bitterly, “I can’t blush or cry and my hair doesn’t move on its own. I could force any of those things to be seen my others by changing how I look but it isn’t real. If I made myself look blushed it would be like that because I was actually blushing, but because I made myself blush. Ghosts aren’t human but we’re all trying so had to be.”

Viktor wanted to say more. He had so many more bitter words he wanted to spout, the news that he was fading turning his mind towards darkness. Why should he even care that he’s going to fade when life is so boring as a ghost? Why should he care when every day of his life since the day he died had been more of the same over and over again?

Now he had someone he really cared about, but how long would that last? 

“I miss feeling the warmth of another person pressed against me and the taste of salty air from the ocean and the smell of freshly cut grass.” Viktor clicked his tongue or at least made the noise you’d expect from that action. “I miss crying, for gods’ sake. I miss being something more than this bad imitation of a human being.” 

Yuuri remained quiet, his mind swimming. This was not how he’d expected this date to go. 

“Viktor.” The ghost rolled over to look at Yuuri.

“Yes?”

“Remember when we went to that art exhibit? With the pieces about changes?” Viktor nodded, “Have you ever felt like that?”

“Not really.” Viktor thought back but so many of his memories were so hazy that it was hard to say whether he missed the past. How can you miss something you barely remember? “I guess I miss some of the people I’ve lost, even if I have trouble remembering them. Everyone I work with is somehow immortal so I haven’t really had to think much about it. But Lilia…” Viktor paused. “She was Yakov’s ex-wife and even though when I met them, I was older, I always felt sort of like they were parents. Maybe more like older siblings, but still… She cared so much about me and everyone else. She was a witch and her witch mark looked like a pair of ribbons wrapping up her right arm. It was beautiful and I always wondered whether she became a ballerina before or after getting her witch mark.”

“She danced?”

Viktor smiled to himself, “She loved it. And she was great at it too. That’s how her a Yakov met, actually.”

“Really?” Yuuri had yet to meet Yakov but he’d heard enough stories from Viktor about the gruff old man that Yuuri had a hard time imagining him as anything other than the angry man who owned a wine and spirits shop. 

“Even though she was mainly focused on ballet, Lilia also did ballroom with Yakov. After she injured her ankle, she moved fully into ballroom. It’s easier to compensate for a weak ankle in ballroom than in ballet, I guess.” Viktor’s face became stormy, “Her and Yakov were happy at first but they started fighting not that long after Yakov opened this shop. They got separated at some point before Yuri came to live with Yakov and Lilia always dotted on him.” Viktor didn't actually remember much of this, but he’d asked Mila and Georgi to tell him what had happened. They didn’t seem like they really wanted to talk about it, but the ended up relenting enough to tell the story. “She… she blamed Yakov for Yuri’s death and when she saw he’d become a ghost she was furious. She cursed him with immortality so that he’d always be here to watch over Yuri. It took years off her life… She died years ago and I don’t even remember it.” 

Viktor took a long, deep breath to try and calm him muddled thoughts. He closed his eyes, not seeing the pained looked that cross Yuuri’s face when he continued. 

“I guess I’m less afraid of changes and more afraid of things changing without me noticing until it’s too late.”

Yuuri didn’t know what he was doing. He was only ever impulsive on days when his concerns completely clouded his ability to think straight. A lot of times, that impulsiveness led to him doing things that possibly dangerous for his health and that was why he was supposed to be going to a therapist. He had been going to a therapist but now that he didn’t have to worry about eating too much or eating too little or freezing himself to death in an ice bath it was hard to motivate himself to go see the nice woman who’d helped him so much over the past few years. 

Today was definitely an impulsive day. He knew that not just because his mind had been cloudy for weeks but also because anyone could tell you that it was out of character for Yuuri to bridge the distance between him and Viktor and press a kiss firmly into his cold lips. 

At first, there was no give, Yuuri felt what Viktor meant about ghosts being hard surfaces, but a moment after Viktor’s eyes flew open his lips felt suddenly softer and Viktor was leaning farther towards Yuuri. His lips were still cold, freezing, but that felt so good to Yuuri. It also reminded him of how different they both were even when they were so similarly cursed. 

“Yuuri?” Viktor pulled away when he heard a catch in Yuuri’s breathing. He felt himself panic when he was Yuuri was crying. “Yuuri! What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.” Yuuri leaned away from Viktor so he could rub his eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to apologize, I just want to know what’s wrong.” He put a cold hand on Yuuri’s shoulder even as he felt his energy waning. To conserve at least some of his remaining energy, Viktor dematerialized everything but what was in contact with Yuuri’s skin. “I’m here to talk.”

“I just don’t know what I’m doing.” He explained through increasing tears. “Everything is falling apart and I don’t know what to do.”

“Yuuri, I’m sorry but I don’t know what you’re talking about. Please tell me what’s falling apart.”

“I–” His voice faltered, barely able to keep his catching breaths from turning into full blown sobs. “I hurt myself r– re– really badly.” He just wished his voice would stop hitching long enough for him to get a full sentence out. “I would– I would– I–”

“Let me get you some water.” Viktor said, “You don’t have to tell me everything now. Let’s sit up.” Yuuri obeyed, starting to really lose control of his breathing. Now was really not the time to start hyperventilating but for all the unhealthy things he’d done in the past few weeks, he’d still not had a full blown breakdown. It had only been a matter of time and now, hearing Viktor talk about his fears about changes and losing people he cared about, he wasn’t able to stop himself from falling into the buzzing eternity of another panic attack.

“Okay, hold this and when you can, sip it.” Viktor put the half-filled cup of water in Yuuri’s shaky hands. Yuuri didn’t know who he’d helped work through panic attacks in the past, but he seemed well versed in it. “Now breathe with me.” 

It was difficult to match his breaths, the fuzzy confusion in his brain making it hard to concentrate. After what seemed like a lifetime, but was probably only a handful of minutes, he was finally able to match their breaths together enough to calm down. He felt faint but luckily he was quickly getting feeling back in his fingers and toes.

After a sip of water, Viktor smiled, “A little better?”

“A little.” Yuuri agreed. “Sorry. Since it happened, I’ve been trying not to think about what happened. This is the first time I’ve tried to tell someone since Phichit and Chris both already know…”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Viktor insisted. 

“I do. I need to face the facts and–” His voice caught again but he scowled and continued. “I hurt myself really badly and I would be lucky to be able to dance again. I wouldn’t have been able to dance at the same level I had been up to this point and I was devastated. Phichit offered to help, insisted he’d help. He’s a pretty strong witch and he said he could heal my leg and get me back to dancing. I wasn’t sure, it seemed like a bad idea but Phichit insisted he’d do it for my birthday.” Yuuri smiled, “He meant well. He was really trying to help but somehow, I don’t know enough about witches to know how he messed up the spell. He… he cursed me instead of curing me.”

“Cursed you?”

Tears were streaming out of Yuuri’s eyes again but he was able to speak mostly without issue. “He cursed me with immortality. And– and I have been trying to pretend it didn’t happen but I know I’m not dealing with it well. Phichit is so worried and he feels so bad and all I keep doing is worrying him.” He rubbed angrily had his eyes. “Not only am I going to have to watch him and my family die, but he’s gonna’ die early too. He’s probably taken a good thirty years off his life and all I’ve been doing is making him worry about me.” 

“Yuuri!” Viktor burst in, not sure why he felt this was a good time to say what he was thinking. After all, it hadn’t been that long since he decided not to tell Yuuri anything about past lives and soulmates. “The reason you triggered my memories has something to do with your soul. You were the person– your soul is the same as the soul of whoever I was with when I died. Mila’s friend said– they told me that they think we could be soulmates.” Viktor’s mind was racing, not sure what to say it. Or why he was telling Yuuri this. “What I’m trying to say is that I’ll stay by your side forever so I know it’s scary but I’m here for you.”

Yuuri blinked at him and Viktor felt a little embarrassed. Had he really just blurted that all out? How in the world did he think that would help the current situation.

After a long silence, Viktor was about to walk back his statements but then Yuuri’s laugh rang out through the room.

“Yuuri?”

“I’m sorry.” He was crying from the laughter now which while nice to see made Viktor pout. Was Yuuri really laughing at him? “You’re just so… cute. And really sweet.” He stopped laughing, a smile lingering while his voice dropped. “I don’t know what to say to any of what you told me but I think I get what you’re telling me. You’re here from me.” Viktor nodded, intertwining his and Yuuri’s fingers. He’d hold onto Yuuri as long as possible but he was going to have to rest soon. It had been a tiring day. “And so is everyone else but I’ve been pushing them away. I was so afraid of people pitying me that I’ve been trying to pretend everything is okay. But it’s not okay and, well, that’s okay.” 

Yuuri let out a long held breath, seeming to only now notice how tight all his muscles were. He stretched, Viktor’s hand disappearing into incorporeality as his fatigue finally reached its peak. 

“How about we sleep?” Yuuri offered, feeling drained. 

Even though he knew he needed to learn more, Viktor was still afraid. What if his past was horrible? What if Yuuri wasn’t his soulmate and maybe was just somehow related to his past? What if Yuuri’s past-self was not Viktor's lover but the person who killed Viktor?

“Okay.” He tried to smile, but it wouldn’t come so he gave up and was glad when Yuuri accepted his downcast look without batting his eyelashes. 

It didn’t matter, Viktor decided, what Yuuri was in the past. Or more, what his soul was because Yuuri was Yuuri and that was all that mattered to Viktor. 

And if he didn’t face his past, then he wouldn’t be able to stay with Yuuri like he promised.

He wasn’t about to break his promise. 

\---

It was a warm day, the first warm day since fall started. Viktor didn’t mind the cold, but he definitely liked warm weather better. That said, he’d never really felt real warmth. The warmest it got during the summer didn’t even average to twenty degrees Celsius. Sometimes it got warmer, during the middle of the day, but even then it was still cold compared to most places. 

But he’d grown up here, the son of a baker without much in the way of a future. Everyone knew he was an amazing cook and while being a baker wasn’t the worst career he could fall into, it wasn’t what he loved. If he had his dream, he’d be a chef and not a baker. 

But he would never have his dream and so resigned himself to cooking good meals for him and his family. It wasn’t like he hated being a baker, he enjoyed it, and so it was easy to fall into a rhythm of living that life. 

He was twenty-one and soon it would be time for him to take over the family business but for now, he was mostly an errand boy for his father, going into town to get ingredients when they ran out. And, as his parents liked to remind him, it was his job to get a wife and start a family so the business could continue to be passed down.

“Leave work early today.” His father had commanded, “And pick up my order from Mr. Lebedev.”

“Yes, Papa.” Had been his smiling response.

He’d been more than happy to leave early if all he had to do was pick up some bags from the always kind Mr. Lebedev. So after picking up the goods, Viktor decided to look around the market. 

While rounding a corner he ran straight into someone else, sending both of them, as well as the contents of Viktor’s bags, to the ground.

“I’m sorry.” The other person apologized quickly, starting to pick up the slipped contents. 

“It’s no problem.” Viktor looked up with a smile and was met with one of the most attractive men he’d ever seen in his entire life. There was really only one reason Viktor didn’t want to inherit his family’s business and it was painfully obvious to him right now that as much as he pretended something different, he was hopelessly attracted to men. Especially, it turned out, black haired and brown eyed men. “Where are you going in such a rush?”

“Just want to see what I can before I have to go back home.” The man explained, pushing glasses higher up his nose. “Where were you rushing to?”

“Nowhere.” Viktor shrugged and smiled again, “Just planning to see the market before bringing this order back to the bakery.” Sticking out his hand, he smiled as wide as he could. “I’m Viktor.”

Hesitantly, he took Viktor’s hand. “Yuliy.” 

“ _Wow, he has soft hands._ ” Was the only thing Viktor could think for a moment before the young man pulled his hand away.

“Are you from out of town?”

“No, I just don’t get out much.” Yuliy’s face didn’t tell Viktor much about what he was thinking. He almost looked bored. 

“Want me to show you around the market?” Viktor asked, “It’s a big place and I wouldn’t want you to get lost.”

“You’d do that?” The man’s face didn’t change much but Viktor could see interest sparking in his eyes.

“Of course. It’ll be fun! I don’t get to spend much time outside of work so it’ll be a really great break.” Viktor pouted a little as he helped Yuliy to his feet. “I spend most of my days talking to my parents and sister and that’s it!”

“Oh, so I’m just a distraction then?” 

Viktor started to tell Yuliy that wasn’t the case then saw the smirk on his face, a playful look in his eyes. 

“Hey!” Viktor laughed, “You’re mean.”

Yuliy returned Viktor’s laugh with one of his own, the sound careful and pretty. Viktor knew he was an idiot for falling for this stranger, but his heart was already lost to the sparkling eyes and the pretty laughter of the young man next to him. 

He really wished he didn’t have a duty to not disappoint his entire family.


	13. Jean-Jacques' Engagment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To say he hated Prince Jean-Jacques would be a gross overstatement. He didn’t hate the young man in the least. He just didn’t really enjoy spending time with him. 
> 
> Yuuri had once overheard someone telling their friend, “She likes him as a friend but hates him as a person.” And while that was a little strong, he sort of understood the premise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't see, there was a posting mishap and Chapter 8 was never actually posted. It's up now. It's not integral to the main plot, which is probably why nobody noticed it was missing, but I like it and it's one of a few character inserts I have planned for this.

To say he hated Prince Jean-Jacques would be a gross overstatement. He didn’t hate the young man in the least. He just didn’t really enjoy spending time with him. 

He was loud, over-confident, and could act like an asshole. 

Yuuri was pretty sure he wasn’t trying to be an asshole, he was just not very good at interacting with other people. That said, he was more than old enough to realize that sometimes you should pull back and not say things that should be obviously rude. 

Maybe the reason he tended to seem more like an asshole to Yuuri than someone like Seung-gil, who definitely could say rude things, was that Seung-gil rarely spoke. Also if he misspoke and was accidentally rude he actually apologized.

Yuuri had once overheard someone telling their friend, “She likes him as a friend but hates him as a person.” And while that was a little strong, he sort of understood the premise. 

Yuuri was pretty sure Guang Hong and Leo agreed with him based on the fact that they both looked like they wanted to die after about ten minutes of being stuck at lunch with Prince JJ. They’d unfortunately gotten to lunch early and were left alone with the prince.

“I don’t think we’ve met.” Prince JJ smiled widely at Seung-gil who only deadpanned back. “What your name?”

“Seung-gil Lee.” After a pause, he added. “Who are you?”

Everyone blinked at the stormy-faced man like he’d grown a second head. Yuuri groaned internally because he could already see Prince JJ preparing a long tirade.

“He’s Crown Prince Jean-Jacques.” Phichit said before that could happen, smiling at Prince JJ. “Apologies, Seung-gil only moved here recently. He’s from South Korea.”

“Well then, I guess I can forgive you.” He winked at Seung-gil but the other man didn’t react, looking bored. “Which reminds me! Is this everyone?”

Luca and Viktor were both missing today but other than that, their normal lunch group was all there so Phichit nodded. “More or less. Yuuri and Chris’ boyfriends are missing.”

“We aren’t dating!” Chris insisted with a blush, making everyone chuckle. It wasn’t often you saw Chris so flustered. 

“You can tell them later.” Prince JJ waved away the current derailment of his announcement. “The official statement has yet to be released, but I want to give you all early invitations.”

“Invitations?” Leo asked, tilting his head far enough to the side that he was almost touching the top of Guang Hong’s head. 

“To my engagement party!” 

“Oh!” Phichit smiled, looking genuinely happy. He was better than the rest of them for being able to make friends with just about anyone without seeming like he was forced to stay. “You and Isabella are engaged!” 

“Yep.” Prince JJ smiled, “And you’re all invited. You guys are my friends and I look forward to seeing you all there.” He looked between Yuuri and Chris, “And you two are free to also invite the other two. It’s going to be a fun time and I hope you all can come.”

Yuuri smiled softly. Saying he disliked Prince JJ was wrong. He might be annoying and hard to hang out with, but Yuuri was pretty sure he meant well and that was really all he cared about. 

\---

“So where was Viktor today?” Chris asked from where he was lounging on Phichit’s empty bed. Phichit had bid them goodbye after lunch, leaving with Seung-gil for places unknown. Yuuri had noted that it wasn’t until they were almost out of sight that Phichit reached to take Seung-gil’s hand.

“Still recuperating. He used up all of his energy when we were last together.” Chris smirked, raising an eyebrow and Yuuri’s cheeks burned. “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

“It doesn’t make it any less fun to tease you.” His smirk fell, “Have you told him?”

“Yah. I did.” Yuuri laughed grimly. “I sort of have a panic attack.”

“How’d he handle it?”

“Surprisingly well. I think he’s had to help people with them before.” Yuuri tasted blood and realized he’d been chewing on his lower lip. “I didn’t get to ask him about it though.”

“Are you feeling any better?” 

“A little… I don’t think it’s ever going to be okay but… I feel like I’ve started to come to terms with it a little more.” Yuuri fell back onto his bed, flipping so he could look at Chris. “I just wish I could keep you both around forever.”

“Yuuri…” Chris’ face softened, concern wrapped up with a sweet fondness that made Yuuri feel so loved. “Have you told your family?”

“Not yet.” Yuuri turned over onto his back, staring at the ceiling. “I don’t think I’ll tell them immediately. I mean,” He laughed bitterly, “I am the youngest. I probably would have had to watch them die anyways.” 

“Hey,” Chris stood, coming to sit next to Yuuri. “Come here.”

Yuuri hadn’t noticed the tears in his eyes until he sat up and let Chris wrap his arms around him.

“You’re going to be okay, okay?”

“Okay.” Yuuri murmured, returning Chris’ hug. “I really will miss you guys.”

“Don’t act like you’re getting rid of us so soon. Especially not me. I’ve still got decades to bother you.”

Yuuri smiled into Chris’ shoulder, tears wetting the thin fabric. The shirt was tight enough that Yuuri was sure he could feel the wetness but Chris didn't comment. 

“It’ll never be enough.” He pulled away, wiping tears from his cheeks with the back of his hand. “But that’s enough of that for now. What I want to know is what’s going on with you and Luca.”

“You and Phichit are menaces, you know that?” Chris sat back on Yuuri’s bed, pouting in a way that was just a little too similar to Viktor’s pouting. 

“We just want you to be happy and we know you like Luca.”

“Whatever.” Now Chris was making his patented ‘petulant child’ face. It was sort of a mix between a pout and the look an angsty teenager might make while looking out their window while it was raining. 

“Oh, come on, Chris. He likes you too! You better ask him to this party.”

“And you better ask Viktor.” 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Yuuri asked shakily. He’d actually been just wondering whether or not he should ask Viktor. They hadn’t officially said they were dating and he worried it might be too much to ask.

“I know you. You’re wondering if you should ask since neither of you has had a real conversation about your relationship.” Chris might be bad at taking a good look at his own relationships but others’? He was great at other people’s relationships. “You’re both madly in love and should just admit it.”

“Fine.” Yuuri crossed his arms, “I’ll be sure to ask Viktor but only if you ask Luca. And you have to ask him as your date, not a friend.”

Phichit and Yuuri had been dismayed to learn that Chris had been explicit in his assurances to Luca that when he’d invited him to lunch, it was because all his friends already ate lunch together and since he and Luca were friends, Luca should eat with them too. 

“If you don’t, I won’t even invite Viktor.”

“You wouldn’t.” Chris could know how self-destructive Yuuri was feeling right now and how easy it would be for him to stop fighting that feeling. Yuuri was honestly looking for a real deal so that he could more easily fight the voice in Yuuri’s head telling him to break off every relationship he had and go live alone somewhere where nobody knows who he is.

“Try me.”

“Fine!” Chris threw his hands up in exasperation, though he was smiling good-naturedly. “I’ll ask Luca to come as my date if you do the same.”

“It’s a deal then.” Yuuri smiled, “Phichit would be proud.”

\---

“You don’t have to go.” Phichit’s voice was quiet due to their being at the library, but the sound of him putting his book down was loud enough to draw some peeved looks from those nearby. 

“Where?” Seung-gil didn’t put his book down, knowing if he didn’t finish this page that he’d have to start all over again. 

“To the engagement party. You don’t have to go.” Phichit had seen the stiffness in Seung-gil’s body when they got the invite. He’d noticed how out of it he’d been since Prince JJ announced they were invited to his engagement party.

“Why?”

“Because you’re not obliged to.” Phichit fiddled with the corner of the table. Part of the plastic around the edge was coming off and he found solace in pulling at it. “And I don’t want you to be bored.”

“I wouldn’t be bored.” Seung-gil, finally finished with the page, set his book down and looked at Phichit. “You’d be there.”

“Oh.” Phichit giggled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand while he played with the plastic. “Seung-gil–” He pulled the plastic the wrong way and felt it cut into his skin. He let out a yelp of pain, earning him more dirty looks, and stuck his finger into his mouth.

“Are you okay?” Seung-gil’s eyebrows scrunched together, concern lining his features. Phichit was pretty sure this was the first time he’d seen a look on the other man’s face that wasn’t boredom or anger or frustration. 

“Yah, just cut myself.” He explained, looking at his thumb and finding it bleeding pretty heavily. “I’ll just heal–”

But Seung-gil was faster than Phichit’s words, let alone his magic, and he was pressing a tissue into Phichit’s finger before Phichit could try to even explain his plan.

“Hold that.” He commanded, waiting for Phichit’s free hand to follow his example and put pressure on the small but bloody wound. When he did, Seung-gil rifled around his back, only stopping when he located what he was looking for, a bandage. Gently, he peeled first Phichit’s hand and then the tissue away from the injured finger. He put the bandage onto the cut before leaning away from Phichit. “That’ll stop the bleeding.”

Phichit smiled, his cheeks burning for all sorts of reasons, only the least of which was the fact that he could still feel Seung-gil’s gentle touch on hand. Sure, they’d held hands before, but this seemed different. It was somehow more intimate. But more than that, it was the concern Seung-gil had shown for Phichit that made his stomach flip-flop. 

“Thanks.” Phichit didn’t know what else to say. “You didn’t have to do all that.”

“My sister got herself hurt a lot.” He explained even though Phichit hadn’t asked a question. “It’s just sort of second nature when someone I care about is hurt.”

“Thanks.” Phichit repeated, reaching to intertwine his fingers with Seung-gil before picking his book back up. 

Seung-gil followed suit, continuing at the end of the page he’d already finished but the fuzziness of his mind made it hard to concentrate. He’d told Phichit he cared about him and, honestly, Seung-gil wasn’t sure where that had come from. He hadn’t really thought about it, just said it.

“I’m glad you’re coming to the engagement party.” Phichit murmured, maneuvering his book awkwardly so he could flip the page without letting go of Seung-gil.

“Me too.” Seung-gil had never wanted to kiss someone so badly as he wanted to kiss Phichit right now. “I’m happy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to go into a long winded rant about my issues with JJ as a character and how I don't hate him but I also don't like him and how I think he's a poorly written character in the canon and how I think he's one of the weakest characters in the show. But I'm not going to. Because I'm tired and want to go to bed and I've had a long day of learning things. Like how ch8 was never posted. *sigh*


	14. Crushes, Lovers, and Boyfriends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is the first one to arrive, Phichit is acting strangely, and Chris is nowhere to be found. 
> 
> This was a strange night.

Yuuri was surprised that he and Viktor were the first of their group to arrive at the party. They’d been a bit late because Yuuri had a difficult time asking Viktor if he would come, which was silly since of course, he’d said yes. 

You’d think they were close enough for Yuuri to be able to ask simple things like this, but he still felt panicky every time he had to ask something new. 

He felt bad for waiting until the day of to ask Viktor, but it had taken him this long to get up the courage to ask. At first, he was just nervous then he fell into a loop of feeling self-conscious that he hadn’t asked yet. That continued on and on until the afternoon of the party rolled around and Yuuri finally asked Viktor. 

For his part, Viktor hadn’t made a comment on how sudden the invitation was and had just accepted. He seemed annoyed he didn’t have enough energy left at the moment for him to change his clothes into something more appropriate for a part, but Yuuri assured him nobody would be concerned. 

Before arriving, Yuuri expected Phichit and Chris to already be there. He imagined they’d make fun of him for being late. Maybe Chris would make a joke about ‘what were he and Viktor doing’ or Phichit would give him a sly look that Yuuri would roll his eyes at.

Instead, Yuuri couldn’t find Chris or Phichit let alone Luca or Seung-gil. He was going to call them when his eyes found Guang Hong instead.

“Guang Hong!” Yuuri waved to him and he smiled, “I didn’t expect to see you here. Where’s Leo?”

He pointed to where people were already dancing and, sure enough, there was Leo in the thick of it. 

“Leo couldn’t miss such a big party, too much dancing.” Guang Hong, despite seeming uncomfortable with the crowds, smiled at Leo. His face softened and Yuuri found himself question their relationship again. 

They lived together and were pretty much attached at the hip, they’d been like that since before Yuuri met them, but both insisted they were together. Yuuri had tried to accept that, he wanted to believe them, but more than once he’d seen this look on Guang Hong’s face. And why would the elemental allow Leo to drag him to parties, where he was obviously uncomfortable, when he could easily just stay home? 

Yuuri wondered if maybe Guang Hong was the only one who had fallen in love.

“Well, I’m glad you came.” Yuuri smiled at the short man, but he wasn’t paying much attention to them.

“I’m glad I came too.” He sighed, “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Leo this happy.”

“Oi!” Yuuri and Viktor turned to a loud voice behind them. “What are you losers doing here?”

“Oh, hello Yura.” Viktor smiled while Yuuri wished he could disappear right now. He’d interacted with Yuri all of once and he was pretty sure the ghost hated him. “Didn’t expect to see you here.” 

“Beka asked me to come.” A short man stepped up so he was standing next to Yuri.

“It’s nice to meet you.” He said, voice gruff. “Yura and I have been friends for some time and I didn’t want to come to this party. I was obliged to and so asked him to come as a way to, hopefully, make the night more enjoyable.”

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” Viktor asked, “I didn’t know Yura had any friends.” 

“Hey!” Yuri crossed his arms, “That was rude.” With a note of pride in his voice, Yuri introduced the man. “This is Otabek Altin, the crown prince of the last of the elves. When I first moved to the city I got lost and he helped me find my way home.”

“You’re a little short to be an elf, aren’t you?”

“Viktor!” Yuuri glared at his companion. “It’s nice to meet you, Prince Altin.”

“Please, just Otabek while I’m here.” His head snapped towards the door like he was drawn by something. When everyone else turned to look Yuuri saw Phichit and Seung-gil walking in.

“Phichit!” Yuuri waved to his friend with a smile, “It was nice to meet you, Otabek.”

“Likewise.” Otabek’s attention was entirely on Phichit and Seung-gil now, his eyes narrowed like he was trying to figure something out. After a moment of silence, Yuuri and Viktor said their goodbyes and went to meet Phichit and Seung-gil farther off to the side of the room.

“Phichit, you’re late.” Yuuri hugged his friend briefly, “Have you heard from Chris?”

“No, he’s not here yet?” He pulled his phone out to check for messages but found none. He typed out a quick message to their blond friend, concern on his face.

“I tried to message him too and he never responded.” 

“Strange.” 

Yuuri was concerned about their absent friend, but he couldn’t help but notice how far apart Seung-gil and Phichit stood. Yuuri thought he understood their relationship but realized that he’d never heard Phichit say anything about them actually dating. Their distance seemed to confirm this but then Yuuri remembered seeing them holding hands not long ago. 

Were they trying to hide their relationship or had it already fallen flat and they were simple coming here together as a show for everyone else? 

Yuuri felt a little nauseous, realizing how little he’d been paying attention to Phichit’s life. Yuuri hadn’t asked him a single question about Seung-gil since his probably date with the other man. Yuuri had kept himself so selfishly wrapped up in his own life and his own problems that he hadn’t noticed how tired Phichit looked. He hadn’t noticed that his best friend looked like he hadn’t slept more than two hours in the last three nights. 

Some best friend he was.

“Is that Leo?” Phichit smiled, pointing towards the dance floor. “And Guang Hong too? Wow, never thought I’d see them here.” Phichit was making a good show of being happy but Yuuri could see through it. It was so obvious when Phichit turned to look at Viktor and Yuuri because Yuuri could see it in the tired resignation painting into his eyes. “I’m glad you two are here. You both seem to be getting along well.”

“Phichit, there’s no need–”

“I’m going to go say hi to Guang Hong.” He interrupted, “You two have fun. I’ll tell you if I hear from Chris.” 

Seung-gil wandered off too, but not in the same direction as Phichit, further confusing Yuuri.

“Ugh, I guess I’ll talk to you two.” Yuri appeared behind Viktor and Yuuri, making the dark-haired man squeak out a terrified noise. 

“Hello to you too, Yura.” Viktor gave the younger ghost a look. “Where’s your friend?”

“Talking to some annoying loud guy.” 

Yuuri found Otabek quickly and snorted, “By annoying loud guy were you possibly talking about the crown prince? You know, the guy who’s half the reason for this party?”

“Whatever, I don’t care who he is. He’s annoying.” Yuri looked at his two companions out of the side of his eye. “You guys seem happy together.”

“Oh.” Yuuri didn’t know what to say to that.

“I just mean to say, don’t be idiots.” He grimaced, “Don’t end up like Yakov and Lilia.” 

Viktor smiled broadly at the young ghost. “Aww, you care about me.”

“Shut up, old man.” Yuri spat back, “If you’re gonna’ get all sappy, I’ll go talk to the loud guy again.”

While the two of them bickered good-naturedly, Yuuri pulled his phone out. Still not message from Chris so he tried texting again. He even checked Chris’ Facebook and Instagram to be sure he hadn’t posted about anything happening, but there was nothing new on either profile. 

Yuuri wanted to find Phichit and ask if he had any idea what could be going on, Chris never did this, but suddenly Yuuri found that Phichit was gone too. He was able to located Seung-gil, he’d been pulled into a conversation with Prince JJ that he looked less than happy about. Otabek was also in the same conversation, staring holes into the side of Seung-gil’s head. 

“Yuuri, is everything alright?” Viktor asked and Yuuri turned to smile at him.

“Yah, just wondering where all my friends are disappearing to.” He’d have to ask Seung-gil where Phichit went. “Chris isn’t here and Phichit disappeared now.” 

Wait, where was Seung-gil?

He let out a sigh, “I’m going to get something to eat. And maybe something to drink.”

“Okay, come back soon.”

Yuuri nodded, smiling widely before disappearing himself into the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I reorganized the tags. There were a lot so I tried to streamline.
> 
> Also, I finally rewrote my outline. Not the whole thing because I got stuck, but that's chapters from now so hopefully I'll have something by then :P I am not juggling too many storylines and I will probably drop the ball but I guess all I can do is hope for the best. This is going to be a lot more chapters than I expected (anyone want to guess what ch # my outline is up to?)
> 
> Whoop, I feel like I had other words to say but I've forgotten them all!


	15. Phichit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seung-gil has trouble with social cues. Even obvious ones. 
> 
> But his uncertainty over Phichit's feelings towards him isn't about to stop him from trying to help his obviously distressed... Friend? Date? Crush?
> 
> Well, whatever Phichit was to Seung-gil, something bothering him and Seung-gil wanted to help. If only he knew _how_ to help.

Seung-gil found his date alone on the balcony. Even with the slightly warm winter they were experiencing, it was still freezing out here. Really too cold for anyone to be outside, least of all his date. He pushed aside the jump of his heart at the thought of Phichit being his date, mostly because he didn’t actually know if Phichit considered him a date, and walked over to where the other man was leaning against the railing.

“Hey.”

“Oh, hey!” Phichit turned and smiled at Seung-gil even though the taller man had already seen the cloudy, concerned look to the other man’s features. “Sorry for leaving you. It was just really hot in there.” 

“You don’t have to lie to me.” 

Phichit’s smile faltered for a second, but it was only a second and then the smile was back. It was wide and bright but it wasn’t the smile Seung-gil had come to love. It wasn’t that Seung-gil didn’t think Phichit was allowed to be sad, just that he didn’t expect him to be sad and not tell him why. The closed off man leaning against the balcony was not the same man Seung-gil fell in love with.

Had he really just said he was in love with Phichit?

“I’m not lying.”

“You are.” Seung-gil pushed because that’s what he did. He just kept poking until he got the information he wanted or the other person ended up hating him. The only two things he seemed to good at were being blunt and pushing people past what they wanted to talk about. And wasn’t that why he was here? Hadn't he been sent away from every place he'd ever been to because he pushed people until they wanted him gone?

“Why do you care?” The words were sharp, Phichit’s smile disappearing completely. None of this surprised Seung-gil, he’d already accepted the fact that at some point Phichit would get tired of his inability to act like a normal person. What Seung-gil didn’t expect was for Phichit’s face to drop into a tragic looking sort of guilt. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”

“It’s fine, I pushed you.”

“No, you’re just worried.” Phichit sighed, leaning farther over the balcony and resting more of his body onto the railing. “I’m really okay though. I’m just glad Yuuri is having a good time.” 

“You really worry about him, don’t you?” Seung-gil found it just a little odd. He knew the two men were close but Phichit always seemed so preoccupied with Yuuri’s wellbeing. Seung-gil had a hard time figuring out how Phichit felt about him but with Yuuri, it seemed like Phichit was in love with the other man. And why wouldn’t he? Yuuri was better at being… well, he was easier to love than Seung-gil. 

“I–” Phichit’s voice cracked and Seung-gil thought he heard a shutter in his breathing. “I fucked up.”

“What?” That hadn’t been what Seung-gil was expecting to hear.

“I fucked up and Yuuri has to pay the price. So I just thought that I should try to make up for it. I wanted to make sure he’d have people when I’m gone. I wanted to make sure he had someone to love him even when his family is gone.”

“I don’t follow.” It was too dark to see the tears on Phichit’s cheeks but Seung-gil could hear them. He just had no idea what to do.

“I just wanted to help. I was just trying to help.” He reached his arms out, elbows and hands hanging out over the balcony. Electricity danced across his right hand and fire breathed on his left. Seung-gil knew Phichit was a witch, but he often forgot and every time he saw the other man use magic, he found himself mesmerized. “He’d hurt himself really badly. There was a good chance he’d never be able to dance again. Not to the level he was at now, anyways. I said I could help. I’m a pretty strong witch. I could heal his leg and he’d be able to practice again. But I fucked up and now– now–”

All Seung-gil wanted to do was help but when Phichit finally burst into loud tears, the heels of his hands working themselves into his eyes as if they could stop the tears, Seung-gil had no clue what he was supposed to do. Logic wasn’t doing him any good in this situation and he was desperately lacking when it came to interpersonal skills. To make matters worse, he had no clue how Phichit felt about him or what the bounds of their relationship were. 

“What do you need?” He finally asked, “From me? Now?”

Phichit looked up, letting his hands fall away from his eyes, and when he looked at Seung-gil there was some amount of uncertainty in the look before Phichit moved towards Seung-gil. He leaned his head onto the taller man’s shoulder, making Seung-gil stiffen. After an awkward moment, Seung-gil put his arms around the other man. He was still stiff and unsure but Phichit leaned further into the embrace, still crying. 

After about a minute of the silence only broken by Phichit’s crying Phichit was able to speak again.

“I accidentally made him immortal.” He laughed bitterly. Seung-gil decided he didn’t like the sound. “Who would have thought you could do something like that by accident? Now he has to watch everyone he loves die and I’ve taken, like, thirty years off of my life. If I’m lucky I’ll live to my sixties or seventies. Probably, I’ll be dead before I even get to sixty. Who knows?” This laugh was shaky but slightly more genuine. “Maybe I won’t even be that lucky. Maybe I was only going to lived to fifty or sixty and now I’ve doomed myself to a short life. But that’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that I cursed my best friend and I know he’s strong enough to figure this out without me pushing and trying to help but I can’t stop. I just want to make sure he can be at least a little happy.”

“It’s not your fault.” Seung-gil patted Phichit’s back awkwardly, “It’s not like you were trying to curse him. I’m sure he doesn’t blame you.”

“I know he doesn’t. I still can’t shake the feeling that it is my fault and, really, he should hate me.” Seung-gil didn’t know what to say so he let the silence stretch on and on until Phichit decided again to fill it. Their embrace was a little less awkward now, Seung-gil able to relax his arms ever so slightly. “You know he never feels cold or hot. Or he can, but he would have to be wearing a winter coat in a desert or go skinny-dipping in ice water. I never thought someone could miss the cold or the hot but he does. I’m so worried about him but I don’t know how to talk to him about it without making it about me. What he’s going through is worse and I shouldn’t– I can’t–” 

Seung-gil rubbed circles into Phichit’s back – that was a thing people did, right? – and spoke softly. He didn’t really know if what he was saying was the right thing or not but it was, he thought, the truth. And the truth was all he really knew how to tell.

“You’re both going through something hard. What you’re going through isn’t any easier or harder and you’re allowed to be upset.” Seung-gil sputtered for a moment, looking for more words. “And, well, if you don’t want to talk to him that makes sense, I guess, and, well, you could always talk to me.”

Phichit pulled back slightly, smiling at Seung-gil even as tears continued to spill onto his cheeks. 

“That means a lot, thank you.”

“Well, you know, I want to be there for you.” Seung-gil was surprised to find himself blushing and his mind was reeling. He was finding that it was hard to think straight in the face of such a brilliant smile. And Phichit was so close to him. “I like you, Phichit, and I want you to be happy. If talking to me will help you be happier, then I, umm, I’m here to talk.” 

There was barely a pause before Phichit leaned up and pressed a kiss into Seung-gil’s lips, sending the other man’s mind into a series of unhelpful spirals that gave him no time to think about how properly to respond. What are you even supposed to do when someone kissed you? And what did a kiss mean? Did that mean the Phichit _did_ like him even though Seung-gil hadn’t been sure?

“Sorry.” Phichit pulled away, “I should have asked.” He was blushing more than Seung-gil, which was really saying something. “I shouldn’t have assumed you wanted that too. I just wanted to show you… I don’t know…”

Seung-gil had been told many times to stop thinking so much. To just act. That logic didn’t always work and wouldn’t always help you figure out the right response or the right action. He lived many lives and the ones where he relied on emotion rarely ended well. But the ones where he used logic didn’t fare that much better. So maybe it was less about the way he thought and acted and more about the people around him.

And it wouldn’t hurt to try this whole “don’t think just act” thing. 

At Seung-gil’s silence, Phichit turned to leave as he sputtered something about going to find out where Chris was. But Seung-gil pulled him back, leaning down to kiss the young witch.

How did you kiss someone? 

He didn’t know but Phichit leaned into his body, their mouths pressing more firmly together, and for a moment he didn’t care. He doubted this was a very good kiss but Seung-gil had no idea what a good kiss felt like so instead he thought about how he was kissing Phichit. Well, he still tried not to think too much about that since the prospect of kissing Phichit was actually kind of terrifying. 

Seung-gil was the first one to pull away, feeling self-conscious about his lack of experience. 

“Sorry.” Seung-gil doctored his face back into serene complacency, “I just wanted to show you how I felt.”

For a moment Phichit looked stunned then he started giggling.

“What?”

“I’m sorry, I just didn’t expect you to try to be cool like that.” The giggling turned to full on laughter and Seung-gil blushed. Putting on a, in Seung-gil’s opinion, bad imitation of Seung-gil’s voice Phichit repeated back, doing some weird thing where he pushed his bangs back dramatically, “Sorry, I just wanted to show you how I felt.”

“Hey!” Seung-gil pouted, which just sent Phichit into another fit of giggles. “I was being serious. And I don’t do that thing with my hair.”

“And you were trying to act like you’re cooler than you are.” Phichit stopped laughing, a fond smile spreading onto his lips. His eyes were lowered, trained on Seung-gil’s chest, and he poked a finger into the other man’s shoulder. “You don’t have to act with me. I’m just glad to know you like me. I mean, like this. I wasn’t sure.”

Seung-gil found himself smirking and trying to hold in laughter, something he wasn’t used to. 

“What?”

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure you liked me like this.”

Phichit looked stunned, “How? I held your hand all the time!”

“I didn’t know what that meant.” Seung-gil’s face falling back into a frown, his voice dropping. “I’ve never actually dated anyone before.”

“Well,” Phichit took Seung-gil’s hand, rubbing gentle circles into the soft skin. “I like you. A lot.”

“Okay.” Seung-gil blinked before adding, “I like you too. Do you want to go back inside?”

Phichit smiled playfully, “Only if you’ll dance with me.”

Seung-gil made a face, “I don’t really dance.”

“Oh, come on!” Phichit was pulling the taller man towards the doors, “It’ll be fun.”

Even though he dreaded the prospect, Seung-gil found himself smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why do I always write Seung-gil so insecure? Talk about projecting.


	16. Souls, Sleeping, and Sickness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri knows he overthinks a lot of things but the thing he over thinks the most is the safety of his friends. Or more, the lack thereof.
> 
> Phichit wasn't exactly okay but he was better. He was definitely better. 
> 
> Chris was... well he was missing still and his friends really hoped he'd just chickened out of Yuuri's deal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to attempt a MWF update schedule but I'm p sure that'll last all of a week.

When Yuuri finally found Phichit again the young man was dancing with an uncomfortable looking Seung-gil. But, even with all his discomfort, Yuuri was pretty sure the taller man was smiling. 

While Yuuri would rather let the two of them be, Phichit looked happier than he had in a while, but he was starting to get concerned about Chris. It wasn’t like him to not respond to messages and it wasn't’ that Yuuri thought anything bad had happened, but his mind wouldn’t let go of the possibility. 

“You okay?” Viktor asked, his cold hand tangling their fingers together. 

“Chris is still not here.” 

Yuuri was pretty sure he was ruining the night for Viktor, with his worrying. Yuri and Otabek were standing near the food, even though Yuuri hadn’t seen either of them eat, but they seemed to be happy there. Phichit and Seung-gil were having some sort of good time and had apparently worked out whatever was keeping Phichit from holding Seung-gil’s hand when around his friends. At some point, Leo had pulled Guang Hong out onto the floor and while the short elemental was blushing furiously, he was smiling brightly, stars obvious in his eyes. 

Then there was Yuuri and Viktor. Yuuri couldn’t keep his mind from worrying about Chris. He just needed to know his friend was okay. He felt the need to protect him even though Yuuri knew Chris could take care of himself.

“I’m sure he’s fine.” Viktor smiled and Yuuri tried to smile back, but it was weak and unconvincing. Viktor didn’t know what he could do for Yuuri in this situation. “Do you want to call him?”

Yuuri started to shake his head, ready to convince Viktor he was okay but stopped short.

“Is that Luca?” He asked, squinting towards the entrance before he was in motion towards the brown-haired man, his hand slipping out of Viktor’s grasp. 

Phichit would be the first to admit he was hyper aware of where Yuuri was and what he was doing. Even as he forced Seung-gil to dance with him, though at this point Phichit wasn’t sure Seung-gil was so unwilling, he was paying attention to where Yuuri was standing next to Viktor, looking out of place. 

Then he was in motion and Phichit quickly saw the reason for his abrupt exit.

“I have to go.” He told Seung-gil, “Luca’s here.”

“Okay.”

What Yuuri and Phichit wouldn’t see was that the moment Phichit left Seung-gil’s side, Otabek left his position next to Yuri and made a beeline for the black-haired man.

“Luca.” Yuuri was the first to reach the young man but Phichit was close behind, “Is Chris okay?”

“Chris?” He looked confused, “Yah, he’s just a little sick. Why?” Concern seeped into his features, “Did something happen?”

“He isn’t return our messages.” Phichit explained. “Last we heard, he was coming tonight.”

“I saw him earlier today and he said he wasn’t coming because he wasn’t feeling well.” Luca pulled his phone out, tapping out a message to Chris. “I’m sure he just fell asleep.”

There was a moment of silence between the three of them before all their phones lit up. Viktor glanced over Yuuri’s shoulder while he unlocked his phone, seeing it was a message from Chris to Yuuri, Phichit, and Luca. 

_Jesus Chris: Sorry everyone! I fell asleep and forgot to text saying I wasn’t coming tonight. I’m not feeling well so I’m going to just lay low for tonight._

_“That Hamster Guy”: Its okay, were just glad youre safe._

_Yuuri: We’ll call you tomorrow, okay?_

_Jesus Chris: Sounds good. Sorry again!_

Yuuri let out a long sigh, the feeling of Viktor’s hand freezing comfort into his shoulder. 

“I’m… I’m glad.” Yuuri said, mostly to Phichit. “But I’m still worried.”

“Me too. I–”

“I have to go.” Yuuri and Phichit both jumped, neither of them hearing Seung-gil walk up behind them. 

“What?” Phichit reached out as if he wanted to touch Seung-gil but when he saw how flustered the other man was, he took his hand back. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Yuuri knew he didn’t know the man very well, but he wasn't sure he’d ever seen Seung-gil perturbed or angry, let alone the combination of both that painted itself across his face now. Honestly, Yuuri couldn’t recall seeing this much emotion of any type on his face before. “I just need to go.”

“Seung-gil, please talk to me.” Phichit grabbed Seung-gil’s arm, “What’s going on?”

There was a long stretch of silence in which Seung-gil’s eyes flickered momentarily to a spot behind them. Yuuri turned, as did everyone else in their small circle, and his eyes fell onto the person Seung-gil had to have been looking at. He guessed that because even now Otabek was standing motionless and stoic, staring holes into the Seung-gil. 

“I have to go.”

Seung-gil started through the entryway and for a moment Phichit looked conflicted. Finally he smiled at everyone and gave a small bow of his head.

“I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly, especially when you just got here Luca. But we need to go.” With another small bow he hurried after Seung-gil’s rapidly disappearing figure, leaving their group in stunned silence. 

“I hate to leave too,” Yuuri began in a shaky voice, “But I think I have to go now.”

“I understand.” Luca nodded, “I came late anyways.”

Yuuri’s head was swimming and, honestly, he just wanted to sleep. He just wanted to forget all the oddness and all the confusing twists and turns of the night, forget the anxieties piling themselves onto his mind and pushing him further and further towards panic. 

“He was really okay when I saw him earlier.” Luca added, “He’s going to be okay.”

“Thanks.”

Viktor followed Yuuri outside and only when the biting cold of the night started to seep into Yuuri’s bones did he speak.

“I’m tired. Can we go back to my place? I’ll grab some clothes and then we can just go back to Yakov’s and… sleep.”

“That sounds great.” Viktor said, not completely lying but also not telling the truth. 

He didn’t really want to rest. There was still something about his past that was nagging at him. He couldn’t pin it down, mostly since he didn't remember the large majority of his past, but there was definitely something that felt wrong to him and he was afraid to go down that rabbit hole.

But he knew he had to and that it was good for him in the long run. He just hoped that he was worrying for nothing

\---

“Are you going to talk to me?” Seung-gil hadn’t slowed down since leaving the party. He hadn’t even looked back at Phichit, which he found both upsetting and concerning. “What is going on with you?”

Seung-gil didn’t respond, instead walking faster down the mostly dark street. Finally, Phichit had enough and reached out to grab Seung-gil’s arm, forcing him to a stop. 

“Hey!” Seung-gil made a half-hearted attempt to pull out of Phichit’s grip but gave up quickly while refusing to look at the other man. “When you said I could talk to you I assumed you knew that went both ways.”

The city around them was unusually quiet, no people or animals around to make any noise. There was an electric hum from the streetlights, the kind that sounded almost like crickets if you didn’t listen too closely. Everything in the city seemed like it was trying to imitate something from nature, something from a more rural area. Electric crickets and the stars made up of the lights on the skyline. Manufactured silence, the kind that only felt silent when you lived in the city for long enough to forget what real silence sounds like. 

“There are things I can’t talk about.” 

“What can you talk about?” Seung-gil still didn’t respond, his arms stiff at his sides and his hands balled into shaky fists. “Did that guy who was staring at you say something? Did he do something?”

“I–” Seung-gil could feel a headache starting to press into his mind and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “He’s Otabek Altin, the crown prince of the elves.”

“Elves? I thought they were gone.”

“Not all of them, there’s still some left. Prince Altin is the only elf to be born in the last two hundred years and he’s soon going to take over as their leader. Even so, they’d need a miracle to save their species.” His voice dropped, “Only the gods can help them.”

“Okay… But what does that have to do with you?”

“Nothing.” Seung-gil insisted, a little to fast. “But Prince Altin is one the first in generations to be born with the ability to see souls. It’s an uncommon ability among all species but especially among species who do not possess souls in the same way mortals do.” Phichit waited without prompting the taller man, glad when he continued on his own. “He just– He said some things about my– my soul. They weren’t incorrect but they still hurt.”

Phichit felt seriously out of his depth now. He thought he could understand most things, he was a witch and had preformed an immortality spell so what else could confuse or surprise him? It turned out there was stuff that could confuse and surprise him.

He’d heard about souls, of course, but mostly thought it was nonsense. He never thought they’d be real and that they could cause so many… problems. 

“I’m sure you’re tired. If you want to go home–”

“My soul is black and twisted.” Seung-gil interrupted. “It’s filled with hate and fear and so much rage. When my soul first began it’s journey on the path of reincarnation, it was transparent like everyone else’s. But soon it lost that transparency and they it just turned… wrong. I can recall many of my past lives and they’ve all ended in tragedy. The longest I’ve ever lived is twenty-two years old and that was once. Usually I would die before that. Accidents and sickness. Murders and suicides. My soul was twisted by the unfairness it felt the universe had place upon it.” Seung-gil sighed, honestly feeling more tired than he ever had. “That’s… that’s more or less what Prince Altin said to me, in an effort to make a point.”

“Seung-gil…” Phichit tugged on his hand, pulling the taller man towards him and catching him in a tight hug. “There’s nothing wrong with you or your soul.”

Seung-gil wasn’t used to hugs in general but he definitely wasn’t used to being the one getting a hug, especially not one as spontaneous as this. Phichit’s chin rested on his shoulder, the shorter man’s lips close to Seung-gil’s neck. When he talked, the feeling of his words so close to Seung-gil’s neck made the taller man blush.

“You’re wonderful and amazing and you shouldn’t let some silly past lives change who you are now.” Phichit pulled away so he could look at Seung-gil in the eyes. “Now, come on, you should get some rest. You look horrible.”

Seung-gil’s face fell back into his everyday neutral expression before quipping, “You’re one to talk. Why don’t we both go back to my apartment and get some sleep.” Phichit raised and eyebrow, a smirk on his face, and Seung-gil felt his cheeks heating up. “That wasn’t what I meant by that.”

“Whatever.” He shrugged, still smiling, “I’ll text Yuuri and tell him I won’t be home tonight.”

_Phichit Chulanont: Hey, I’m not coming home tonight_

_Phichit Chulanont: You can have the room_

_Yuur My Best Friend: Thanks_

_Yuur My Best Friend: Have fun_

_Yuur My Best Friend: Be safe_

_Phichit Chulanont: Yuuri!!!!_

He giggled, waving away Seung-gil when he gave him a look.

“Don’t worry about it. Now, why don’t you show me to your apartment?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boop a doop I wrote this while really tired.
> 
> I hate the ch summary and title for this chapter but like *shrug* I had no better ideas.
> 
> Also, sorry for all the concern I caused with the disappearing friends bit. It wasn't supposed to be sinister, more just to show that Yuuri is always concerned about something. 
> 
> Remember when I said the Seungchuchu in this is bigger than a breadbox? I wasn't kidding. (okay I feel like that joke is based on an obscure 20 questions reference and I need to stop making that joke but I think it's funny so it stays!) The ships in this are lie Viktuuri > Seungchuchu > Chris/MysteryMan > EveryoneElse
> 
> That said, there's a much bigger focus on both Seungchuchu and Chris/MysteryMan than I expected. Do you think I should add at the very least Seung-gil/Phichit to the tags? I don't want to be misleading because this is mainly a Viktuuri fic but there is A LOT of Seungchuchu. Any thoughts?


	17. I Would Hate For This to End in Tragedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor had never seen somebody so excited by a market. Honestly, it was a rather boring market. Once, he’d been able to go to the city with his papa and that had been a really big market. It had been amazing. 
> 
> But looking at the sparkle of Yuliy’s eyes convinced Viktor that this small market in his small town was the greatest market ever to exist.

Viktor had never seen somebody so excited by a market. Honestly, it was a rather boring market. Once, he’d been able to go to the city with his papa and that had been a really energetic market. It had been amazing. 

But looking at the sparkle of Yuliy’s eyes convinced Viktor that this small market in his small town was the greatest market ever to exist.

Viktor realized he was too deep already but maybe it was just because he didn’t often meet attractive young men who would agree to go shopping with him.

“If you think this market is exciting you really must not get out much.”

Yuliy shrugged, the smile on his face dropping. “I guess you could say I lived a pretty sheltered life.” 

“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to insult you.” Viktor laughed brightly, “I’ve been told I can sometimes be a little too forward. In my speech, I mean. I didn’t mean flirting.” He quickly amended, “I wasn’t flirting with you.”

“Oh, you weren’t?” Viktor swore Yuliy looked disappointed. But he knew that was probably wishful thinking. “You’re telling me when you offered to show a complete stranger around the market you weren’t flirting a little bit.”

“I– umm– well–” Viktor sputtered, his face turning red. Yuliy laughed, the sound just so pretty to Viktor’s ears. “Hey! Don’t laugh at me.”

He laughs petered out but a smile stayed on his face. “I’m just teasing. Why would you flirt with me anyways?”

Viktor gave Yuliy and incredulous look. Had he not noticed that heads had been turning to follow him since the got to the market. They’d passed a group of young women who’d started at Yuliy for a long time before chattering to themselves and giggling. At least three stall owners had given Yuliy free samples of some sort, something they never did, all while blushing like they were school girls instead of women with children and grandchildren. 

While Yuliy was off to the side looking at something that had caught his eyes, one of them leaned over to Viktor with a raised eyebrow. She was a woman Viktor knew well, an older woman with no family who Viktor thought of as a surrogate grandmother. She had a sharp gaze and grayed, thinning hair. She didn't smile all that much but when it came to Viktor, she seemed to make an exception. Viktor had never said anything about finding men attractive to her or anyone else but there was something about the way she talked to him that made him feel like she _knew_.

“Where did you find this one?”

“Sofia,” Viktor heard the whine in his own voice, “isn’t he a little young for you.”

The old woman snorted, her eyebrow seeming to raise even higher. “I wasn’t asking for myself, fool.”

“Sofia! What is that supposed to mean?” He lowered his voice, “And if I understand what you’re implying, then it’s not like that. I just met him earlier and he asked if I knew where the market was.”

“Sure.” She didn’t seem convinced. “And I’m married to a nice man I met when I was eighteen.” 

Either way, Viktor found it hilarious that Yuliy thought Viktor wouldn’t want to flirt with him. Honestly, he was only holding back because he definitely shouldn’t flirt with him. He wanted to so badly. 

“You’re perfectly flirt-able.” Viktor said, awarding him a raised eyebrow from the shorter man. 

“That's not a word.” He pointed out, “And even if it was, I don’t think you used it properly in that sentence.” 

Viktor found himself pouting again, feeling so light and giddy next to this near stranger. And he wasn't just a near stranger, but a near stranger who everyone found attractive and somehow Viktor was the one who’d won his attention. Viktor was sure he would have gone with anyone who offered to show him around the market but he didn’t care. He got to be the one spending time with Yuliy and that meant the world to him. 

Maybe Viktor was the one who didn't get out much. 

“You’re mean, Yuliy.” Secretly, Yuliy liked the way Viktor pulled out the syllables of his name even though that wasn’t strictly how a normal person would pronounce his name. He didn’t like the way Viktor sighed sadly as the reached the edge of the market. “Well, that’s everything. I guess you have to go now.”

“I mean, I have some more time. But don’t you have somewhere to be.” He pointed at the bags Viktor had been carrying since they met. “Doesn’t that need to go home?”

“We don’t really need them until tomorrow morning so it’s fine if I’m late going home.” He knew Papa wouldn’t be happy but Viktor hadn't done anything but be the perfect son since he was ten. Papa could get over himself. “Why don’t I show you the park. It’s really nice.”

“Sure, that sounds nice.”

“Okay! Let’s go.” Viktor smiled wide and genuine, the feeling of light happiness in him not dampened by the fact that he knew this wouldn’t last past today. 

\---

The sunset would be coming along soon and Viktor could feel their time winding down as they sat on an isolated park bench, silence comfortable between them even as Viktor wanted to fill it with questions about Yuliy. He wanted to know everything about Yuliy. 

“Viktor…” Yuliy bit his lip, “Thanks for this.”

“Anytime. It was fun.”

Yuliy let out a long sigh. “My sister would have loved to see all of this, especially the market. Maybe one day you can show her around.”

“I know you said you weren’t from out of town but you really seem like you are.” Viktor looked at Yuliy with confusion in his eyes. “Why would you lie about that?”

Yuliy blushed, “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t know what to say to you and I just said whatever came out first. I will be moving here, soon, but you’re right. I’m not originally from around here.”

“You didn’t know what to say?”

“I was trying to find a way to be cool, I guess. Being from out of town would have been cooler, though.” Yuliy was picking absentmindedly at his cuticles. “I was a little flustered to be talking to such an attractive man.”

“Huh?” Viktor looked at his new friend, unsure of how to interpret Yuliy’s words.

The other man just blushed, “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you’re–” He dropped his face into his hands, muffling his words. “I shouldn’t have said any of that.”

“You think I’m attractive?” Viktor smirked, blushing. “‘Cause I was thinking that _you’re_ pretty attractive.”

Yuliy peaked out from behind his hands, both their faces red and uncertain. “Me?”

“I didn't say anything because… well, I’m sure you can understand why.” Yuliy nodded, “And it’s embarrassing, but that’s sort of why I offered to show you around.”

“Wow.” Yuliy sat back up with a small smile on his face. “I never thought I’d hear someone say something like that about me.”

“Why not? Everyone thinks you’re attractive. You turned heads left and right at the market.” 

“Viktor…” Yuliy’s eyes were suddenly sad as he locked them with Viktor’s. “Can I kiss you?”

“Umm… yes, of course.” Viktor looked around and so did Yuliy and it was only when they decided they were truly alone that Yuliy leaned up to press a kiss into Viktor’s mouth. 

Viktor was a little embarrassed by the fact that he’d never kissed anyone, he was twenty-one for god’s sake, but now he was a little glad. If he had to pick someone to have his first kiss with, he would have picked Yuliy again and again. 

Viktor felt Yuliy wrap his hand around the back of Viktor head, his hands twisting into his long hair. Viktor loved that feeling even as he was unsure of what to do with his own hands, keeping them at his side as he tried to come up with a blueprint of what to do.

He felt wetness on his face and opened his eyes just as Yuliy pulled away, surprised to find the other man crying.

“Yuliy?” He reached out but the shorter man was already on his feet.

“I’m sorry Viktor, but I have to go.” 

Against Viktor tried to reach for the other man but he was out of reach, out of grasp, and then he was gone. 

Viktor was in shock, sitting on the bench for what seemed like an eternity before his own eyes began to leak. He knew it was all going to end but he never expected it to end like that. 

He just let tears fall silently until there was nothing left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter :D 
> 
> That said, I think next chapter might be my favorite.


	18. Separate Concerns, Same Sleepless Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri wishes he could help Viktor. Viktor wishes he could understand why it had to hurt so much. 
> 
> Luca wishes he knew what he wanted. Chris wishes he knew what was holding him back. 
> 
> Phichit wishes he didn't feel like he was losing Seung-gil. Seung-gil wishes he knew how to fall asleep.
> 
> Guang Hong wishes he would never fall asleep again.

Viktor’s startled sob was what woke Yuuri up, some confused fogginess clinging to his mind as he tried to remember where they were and what was happening and why he was being woken up at one in the morning. 

Finally, his mind cleared enough to comprehend the sob-like gasps coming from next to him.

“Viktor? Viktor, are you okay?” Viktor shook his head. There were, obviously, no tears streaming from his eyes but the gasping sobs he was releasing sounded to Yuuri like someone who couldn’t stop crying. “Breathe. Come on, you can do it, I know you can.” 

Viktor tried his best to breathe with Yuuri, but he was having trouble even thinking straight. The memory of Yuliy’s leaving was still fresh in his mind and he didn’t know what to do. Why did it have to hurt so much? It hurt like it had just happened to him. It hurt like Yuuri was the one who’d walked out on him. 

But, he reminded himself, Yuliy and Yuuri weren’t the same person and Yuuri was still right here.

“I’m okay.” He was finally able to whisper, using some energy to wrap his hand around Yuuri’s. The soft pressure of the other man’s hand dulled the still sharp edge of Viktor’s anxious spiral, a spiral he’d never really experienced before. He wondered if this was the kind of thing Yuuri had to deal with. He was pretty sure Yuuri had to deal with worse. “It just always feels like it’s just happened.”

Yuuri wanted to rub circles into Viktor back or run his hand through the ghost’s hair. He wanted to provide physical comfort because he knew how hard words were. But he was stuck with nothing more than words and a firm squeeze to Viktor’s hand. 

“Hey, you’re okay. I’m here.” He moved his face into Viktor’s line of sight so that their eyes met. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m here for you.”

“You’re not going to leave me, right?” He asked, his voice small and uncertain in a way that Yuuri hadn’t expected. It sounded so strange from Viktor.

“Of course not, I love you.” 

They both shared a shocked look, neither man moving for a long while as they both digested what Yuuri had said. Finally, as Yuuri was feeling a little like flinging himself out the window, Viktor smiled wide before throwing himself onto the other man. 

“I love you too!” His breath was still hitching but his cold body was firm and comforting against Yuuri’s. “Can I kiss you?”

Yuuri nodded and Viktor repositioned himself so they could kiss. And, well, they kissed. 

\---

He didn’t know why he was here. He knew how he’d gotten here but the why of it was a little harder to pin down. And he had no idea how to explain what he was feeling to anyone, least of all Yuuri and Phichit. 

They had their own stuff going on and the thought of placing his concerns and dark thoughts onto them seemed wrong. But he just didn’t really have anyone else he could talk to.

Lately, he’d been feeling off, feeling wrong. It was sort of like he’d spent his entire life trying to do something and finds himself disappointed by his own failure. That wasn’t the reason for how he was feeling, he couldn’t think of anything that would make him have that specific feeling, but it was similar. Like you tried so hard but you just weren’t good enough. 

Or maybe he felt like he was still trying but he’d never be good enough because he was just inherently not good enough. 

He couldn’t sleep, he decided, turning over in bed so he could look out the window. It had started raining at some point and so he just watched the rain hitting the empty streets. He liked to listen to it pour down on the roof of the three-story building he was currently in. 

He’d not taken his contacts out yet, there hadn’t been time or a reason, but now he wasn’t sure he wanted to move at all. Part of him wanted to stay here forever and the other part of him wanted to run, to leave, to get out of here before he woke up. 

Chris didn’t know the man’s name, just that he’d been more than happy to bring Chris back to his place. Chris felt like shit because he’d almost used his own ‘charms’ to force the man to want him to come back to bed with him. He’d gotten damn close to falling into the same horrible pattern so many people like him did. He almost did the thing he long ago said he would never do. 

But he hadn’t. At the last moment, he pulled back, both physically and mentally, and let the man come back to his own senses. Only when he was sure the other man was back to normal did Chris ask if he could go upstairs with the man. 

But why? He was still asking himself why he even asked to come upstairs. He asked himself why he’d drawn the man to him. Why had he even gone out tonight? He told Luca he was sick and had flaked on Yuuri and Phichit. 

Was he afraid of commitment? No, that didn’t seem right. Was he afraid of telling someone how he felt? No, still not quite it even though that was terrifying. 

The man next to him was pretty. Brown hair and green eyes, too much like Luca to ignore. It hurt to know, even if he didn’t want to admit it, that there was only one reason he tried to get near this man and it lay entirely in his similarities to someone else. It was a shitty reason to have sex with someone. 

But he wanted Luca, wanted him so badly, and knew he would never be able to get past his own concerns. What if he accidentally forced Luca to want him? What if he did something stupid and it hurt Luca? What if, like so many people thought, he really couldn’t be trusted with humans? What if his family was right and he should stop pretending he’ll be able to find love in anyone outside of his own kind. 

Chris sincerely wished he hadn’t promised to meet Phichit and Yuuri tomorrow for lunch. He knew he’d have marks he couldn’t explain away with lies. He knew they’d make him explain why he was avoiding a relationship with Luca.

Finally, Chris slipped out of the bed and started pulling clothes back on. He didn’t have an umbrella or even a jacket but he didn’t mind walking home in the rain. It would be a short rain so he could have waited for it to end but two in the morning or not, being in the apartment was driving him crazy. Laying next to someone who told a story about his problems was too much.

And, well, he left.

\---

Seung-gil felt like an idiot for not being able to sleep. He should be able to sleep and not just because he felt more tired than he had in years. 

The reason he should be able to sleep was he was in the perfect place right now. He was in bed with the arms of the best person in the universe around him. He should be comfortable and safe and it should be easy to fall asleep.

But his mind wouldn’t stop turning over and over the words he’d heard from Prince Altin. Altin wanted Seung-gil’s help but Seung-gil couldn’t give it to him. In an effort to save his dying race, Altin had gone to the only person he knew might be able to help him to contact the only beings that could help. But in his anger and frustration and, if Seung-gil read him right, his fear he’d said some things that had hurt more than Seung-gil expected them to.

_“Why do you feel you owe any fealty to them, to him? They threw you out, didn’t they? I can see the wounds of the past on your soul, I’ve seen them before. I may not have a soul like you do but I still have a soul, an immortal soul. I was born with a soul like yours. I know what it’s like to try and live a normal life when your insides are trying their best to destroy you and everyone around you._

It was his last comment that had stuck with Seung-gil. Destroy everyone? Was that why he’d be thrown out time and time again. And how dare Altin act like it was news to Seung-gil that he was unwanted everywhere he went. He’d spent generation after generation learning that. 

Like Seung-gil didn’t know he’d never belong anywhere or with anyone. 

\---

Chris was a strange person and Luca knew it. 

One strange thing Luca knew about Chris was that he only locked his door when he was home. When he left? Always unlocked. Luca wasn’t sure if he’d lost his key or was just too lazy to lock it. So that was how Luca knew that at two Chris wasn’t home.

He’d gone by after the party to check on him and found the door unlocked, the blond nowhere to be found. He’d tried texting him but got nothing in response. 

He came back at one and two and three but still the door was unlocked and he was left without a single response from his friend. 

Something else he knew about Chris was that he was a very private person, much more private than he let on. Luca wanted to push him to talk because he was worried about Chris but he also knew they weren’t that close. 

He and Chris had met not all that long ago when Chris, who had been pretty drunk, stumbled into Luca’s apartment by accident. They had the same apartment but on different floors and apparently, the intoxicated blond hadn’t noticed until he closed and locked the front door. Well, actually, he didn’t notice until Luca kicked him in the crotch and ribs. 

After Chris apologized, drunkenly trying to explain he must be in the wrong room. When he realized he’d never figure out where the other man _actually_ lived, Luca sighed and let him stay over. Luca had slept in his bathroom that night because he lived in a studio apartment so the bathroom was the only place where he could put a locked door between him and the stranger. Letting a stranger sleep in his apartment was probably one of Luca’s stupidest decisions but it had turned out pretty okay. 

In the morning Chris had been apologetic and sweet, even cooking Luca breakfast as an apology while he explained how he lived two floors up in the same room. He also explained he didn’t lock his door when he went out and that was why he’d walked in instead of trying to unlock the door. Chris had wondered aloud about his sore ribs and had laughed with Luca when he explained what had happened last night. Luca had liked his laugh and his smile and the way he talked. 

Luca had found Chris charming and asked for his number, entirely intending to try and date the strange blond man who came stumbling into his apartment. And at first, it seemed like Chris was also trying to date him. But one night they went out drinking and Luca had tried to get Chris back up to his room, they had to walk each other home anyways, feeling emboldened by booze and Chris’ proximity. Chris had seemed excited, making it all the way to Luca’s bed before he pushed the man away, apologized, and left.

Luca felt bad after that, he was sure he’d pushed too hard, but Chris just waved him off. He made some excuse about feeling queasy but Luca could see through the lie. Chris was bad at lying. Luca wished he’d stop lying and just talk to him.

It wasn’t that long after that Chris had started inviting Luca to get lunch with him and his friend, insisting again and again that it was a ‘friend thing’. Luca was deflated by this and more than a little upset but he accepted it. As long as he could be near Chris he didn’t mind if they were only friends. He knew that was a desperate way to think but it was the truth of his world. He didn’t connect to many people romantically so he was fine with not looking for anything more with anyone else. He was just happy to stand by Chris through it all.

But now he was pulling farther away and Luca didn’t know what to do. Chris’ friends didn’t either.

When he checked back at four, Luca found the door locked, Chris apparently home safe from wherever he’d been. He smiled, glad Chris was back, and left for his own apartment in the hopes that now he could sleep.

\---

Guang Hong reached out and touched Leo’s sleeping face, soft and a little awed. He knew he should be used to the other man’s sleeping face but he always found himself breathless on nights like tonight. 

Guang Hong hated sleeping. It reminded him of painful memories and he didn’t want any of that. He wished he could forget everything from before he met Leo because before Leo had been so many years of sad loneliness. So many years of the kind of silence that permeates your entire life, even in the middle of a bustling city. He especially didn’t like to sleep on nights when he knew Leo had to leave early in the morning. He’d be leaving in an hour, at six, and Guang Hong wanted to be awake when he did. 

He knew Leo would wake him up before leaving but it was still hard for him to fall asleep. He would always be afraid of waking up alone when he fell asleep surrounded by the warmth of a loving gaze. 

He could go without sleep tonight if that meant he would be awake when Leo left. 

\---

Phichit didn’t normally wake up at six in the morning but Seung-gil woke him by trying to extract himself from Phichit’s hold. To get out of bed Seung-gil also had to climb over Phichit, which only added to the possible disruption of his sleep. All-in-all getting out of bed without waking Phichit was a pretty impossible task.

“Where’re you going?” Phichit mumbled, grabbing at the other man’s arm. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Seung-gil gave Phichit a slight smile, the kind that was genuine and made Phichit’s heart float. “I wake up early.”

“It’s six in the morning.” Phichit complained, “This is too early. What could you possibly be doing awake this early?”

“I really didn’t mean to wake you.” He was dodging the question with apologies and Phichit’s tired mind found that a little grating.

“Seung-gil.” Phichit whined, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” Phichit pouted but Seung-gil waved him away. “Really.”

“Seung-gil,” Concern colored Phichit’s tone and Seung-gil stiffened. “Did you sleep at all last night?” 

After a long moment, Seung-gil shook his head, not wanting to look at Phichit. He didn’t want the other man to worry about him and yet…

“Well, that won’t do.” Using all his strength, Phichit pulled Seung-gil back onto the bed. The taller man just kept being surprised by Phichit’s strength, or maybe by his own apparent weakness. 

“Phichit, don’t you have class today?” He attempted to argue with the current trajectory of this morning, but honestly not that hard. His argument was full of holes and he was well aware of that fact but he was tried and even he had trouble with logic when he was tired. And when Phichit had his limbs wrapped around him. 

Phichit snorted, the air tickling Seung-gil’s neck. “It’s Sunday.”

“I tried.” 

Phichit pulled the sheets back over them, snuggling closer to the dark-haired man. 

“You really shouldn’t worry about what he said.” His voice was a comforting murmur.

“But he was right.” In Phichit’s warm embrace Seung-gil felt surprisingly safe. “And I’m afraid I’ll end up hurting you.”

_Or that you’ll end up hating me._

“Seung-gil, I’m not afraid of you just because you’ve had a lot of really bad luck. I’m not with you because I thought some soul thing I’d never even known existed was perfect.” He nuzzled his face into Seung-gil’s neck, the taller man trying to hold in laughter. With his mouth against Seung-gil’s sensitive neck, he felt Phichit’s smile drop. “Anyways, I’m more worried about…”

“About what?” Seung-gil asked when Phichit didn’t continue. 

“About the fact that I am going to die young. Maybe really young. What if I only live until I’m thirty? That’s not a long time to be with someone.”

Seung-gil maneuvered himself so he was facing Phichit, his face serious. Well, his face was always serious but Phichit could tell it was a different kind of serious. 

“I’m not with you because I thought we’d be together until you were a hundred and three.” Where had the sappy shit he was spouting come from? He’d been sent here because he couldn’t even make friends and now… “I’ll take as much time with you as I can get, even if that’s ten years or ten days.”

Phichit smiled wide, some tears in his eyes that didn’t fall. He leaned forward and Seung-gil found he couldn’t breathe when their lips met. 

He didn’t mind in the least that he hadn’t gotten any sleep last night and he didn’t mind that Phichit hadn’t let him go get some coffee in his system. 

He didn’t mind laying in bed with Phichit until long after the sun rose.

\---

It was almost half and hour past seven when Viktor finally arrived, Mila giving him a look when he walked in.

“Sorry, I’m late. I, umm, overslept?”

Mila raised an eyebrow, “For someone who ‘overslept’ you seem to be lacking in energy. Seems more like you didn’t sleep much.”

Viktor sighed, “I hate that you can read my energy like that.”

She laughed, “It’s fun for me. And don’t worry about being late, I think this might be the first time this had happened.” Mila’s smile dropped a little but she still looked happy, her eyes soft. “I’m just glad you’re happy.”

Happy seemed like a strange way to describe him given how upsetting his past has been but he realizes that he _is_ happier. He’s never felt happier than he does standing or laying or sitting next to Yuuri.

“I am too.”

He smiled wide and Mila was delighted to feel its warmth like she used to when they first met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my favorite chapter to write so far. I really enjoy collections of vignettes so here we are. 
> 
> Man am I losing control of this. I outlined over 20 chapters and 4 chapters into the outline I'm already off outline. This chapter didn't exist until I spent two nights in a row having trouble sleeping and one of the nights I watched the rain pouring outside at like 2a and was like "hey what if Chris was awake because of stuff and was watching the rain?"
> 
> Hopefully, I offset some of the angst in the first half of this with the second half. I never meant for this fic to be angst filled but here we are.
> 
> I'm sorry Chris, you never asked to be so fucked up.


	19. Is Ten-Thirty Too Early to Drink?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’re all just a bunch of messes, aren't we?

They were all pretty tired and it showed. 

Phichit was the best rested of them and he was already on his fourth cup of coffee. Yuuri was on his sixth. Chris hadn’t even tried to wake himself up with coffee, instead ordering a Bloody Mary. 

“Didn’t sleep much last night?” Phichit asked Chris, leaning over his coffee to the give the blond a pointed look.

“You’re one to talk, you both look terrible.”

“I slept fine.” Phichit crossed his arms, “Just woke up too early.”

“Are you sure you weren’t up all night?” Yuuri asked, a smirk on his face. 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, your lips are a bit swollen, aren’t they?”

Phichit blushed, not answering as Yuuri laughed. When Chris laughed too, Yuuri turned to look at him.

“And what about you? Where did you get those?” He pointed at Chris’ neck, causing the other man to sigh. He’d hoped to skirt around those for longer. “Luca said you were sick, and so did you, but I don’t really believe you. Mostly because you seem fine today.”

“I’m sorry I don’t look sick.” Chris could hear the lack of conviction in his own voice as so gave up with a sigh. “I just really didn’t want to go to the party.”

“Why?” Phichit asked, wishing he could understand what was wrong with Chris. At least with Yuuri he knew exactly what was bothering him. At least most of the time. 

Chris shrugged noncommittally, “I just didn’t.”

“Sorry if I don’t believe that.” Yuuri wasn't about to back down from this. He was worried about both his friends and they were going to tell him what was wrong. For now, Phichit got a pass, mostly because Yuuri was busy with Chris. Yuuri lived with Phichit and he’d have plenty of opportunities to interrogate him later. “Is this about Luca?”

Chris started to lie, he wanted to lie, but both his friends raised an eyebrow at him. He sighed, feeling completely and utterly defeated. 

“Yes, okay, yes!” He threw his hands up dramatically, but there wasn’t much energy in the motion. Yuuri and Phichit were used to Chris’ theatrics but this seemed somehow lacking. “I didn’t want to ask him to go with me.”

“Chris, you still could have come.”

“I’d promised you though. I would have felt bad if I didn’t…” Chris sighed. “And I know what you both would have said. You would have told me that he likes me and if I like him that I should just go for it.”

“And that’s true.” Yuuri pushed, feeling like this was going somewhere. 

“But it’s not that simple!” Chris threaded his hands into his hair, a surprisingly obvious show of anxious frustration that Yuuri wasn’t sure he’d ever seen from Chris. “I know I tell you he doesn’t like me and I know I try to tell myself that but–” His voice caught and he coughed to try and clear out the feeling that he couldn’t breathe. He hated this feeling. He hadn’t felt like this in years, not since he decided to leave home. “You don’t think I don’t know all this? I do! I know I try to lie to myself and I lie to you but it’s all a big lie to try and–”

“Try and what?” Phichit asked when Chris cut himself off, feeling a little taken aback by Chris’ sudden outburst. He’d never seen more than a grimace on the blond man’s face so this anger was surprising. The tears in his eyes were even more surprising. 

“I’ve never told you but Luca and I almost– We almost got together.”

“What?” Phichit’s coffee hit the table hard, the sound of it and his loud exclamation drawing looks, many annoyed, from the people around them. Lowering his voice, Phichit tried again. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Nothing happened… I’ve known him for a while, actually. We met because I accidentally walked into his apartment after getting really drunk. I barely remember the night but I woke up in his bed– no, Phichit, not like that. I woke up in his bed because he was sleeping in his bathroom. I’d been too drunk to get home so he gave up and let me stay the night.”

“Okay… What does this have to do with you not wanting to date him?”

“Well I was wasted, so I don’t remember anything that happened. What if the reason he locked himself in the bathroom was because I’d been trying to get him to sleep with me?”

Yuuri grimaced, “Chris, you’ve never–”

“We got closer and once we were out drinking and we were both pretty drunk when we got back. We live in the same building so we went up the elevator together and when we got to his floor he dragged me to his room. I mean, I was willing, but I was drunk enough that it was hard to walk while someone was pulling you along by the shirt. We almost– we could have–” Chris felt uncertain and his friends could tell. Normally they’d tell him he didn’t have to continue but they were both so concerned. They didn’t know what was bothering Chris. Yuuri felt bad because he knew he’d been pretty emotionally unavailable for a while now. Phichit felt bad because he could tell Chris didn’t want to burden either of them with his concerns but it seemed so obvious now that they were tearing him apart. “Right before anything happened I realized how easy it would be for me to accidentally force him into something. How could I ever be sure I wasn’t forcing someone into this? When I really liked someone wouldn’t it be easy to mess with their hormones enough to force feelings onto them?”

“Chris, you’ve never done that to anyone.” Phichit reached out to put a hand on the taller man’s arm. “You’re not a bad person just because you not human.”

“There’s a reason human stories always paint Incubi and Succubi as monsters. As demons. It’s because that’s what we are. I should just accept what my family said when I left and go back home.” Chris’ entire body had stiffened up, his tone uneven and strained. “Someone like me can never be with someone like him and I just need to accept that.” He laced his fingers together, leaning his forehead against them. “I didn’t want to talk about this. You two have enough going on without me freaking out like this.”

“Chris, don’t worry about us.” Phichit felt bad for making Chris feel like he had to keep this from them. Did they really seem so fragile? “We’re here for you no matter what, just like you’re here for us.” 

Chris nodded, not looking up at his friends as he tried to force his tears back down. He’d been doing so good lately, pushing all this back down, but he’d stupidly agreed to Yuuri’s deal and now… 

“We’re all just a bunch of messes.” He said with a bitter laugh.

“That for sure.” Phichit laughed, bitterness in the sound but mostly it sounded humored. “I cursed my best friend. Seung-gil apparently thinks something is wrong with his soul. You can’t see you deserve all the love in the world. Yuuri is immortal.”

“Viktor doesn’t want to relive his past because it’s painful.” Yuuri chimed in. “Yah, I guess you could say we’re a bunch of messes.”

Phichit stood to stand between Chris and Yuuri before stringing his arms around their necks. He pulled them both into a hug, smiling widely even as he felt like everything was probably going to shit.

“And that’s why were have each other.”

Yuuri left brunch knowing that while none of them had worked out their issues, at least they were all on the table now. Now maybe they could start helping each other.

\---

It took Yuuri a moment to notice the young looking elemental standing in front of an electronics store, watching television through the glass. 

“Guang Hong?”

“Oh, hello Yuuri.” He smiled, his voice quiet. “It’s nice to see you again. Were you feeling alright last night?”

“Yep! Sorry about leaving without saying goodbye but some stuff came up suddenly.”

“It’s fine. We honestly didn’t notice you were all gone until we were getting ready to leave.”

“Speaking of we, where’s Leo?” Yuuri wasn’t sure he’d ever seen Guang Hong farther than a couple hundred feet from the brown haired man. 

“He had some business to take care of today. I didn’t want to stay home since that’s what I usually do when Leo leaves town.”

“Do you want to go somewhere? I’m free if you’re bored.”

Guang Hong smiled, looking back at the TV while shaking his head. “I’m fine. I’m used to entertaining myself. I did it for a long time in the past and I can do it for a few days now.”

“Still, if you want to do something it’s no trouble. I’m sure Phichit would love to go somewhere.”

Again, Guang Hong shook his head. “It’s okay. I was planning to do some searching myself. I might leave the city for a little while Leo is out of town.”

“Oh? What are you searching for?”

His smile turned sad, “An old friend. I promised I’d find her but the last few decades I’ve barely made an effort to look. It’s the anniversary of when she went missing today.”

“Oh, well I’m sorry. I hope you find her someday.”

“Yes, so do I…” He widened his smile but it still looked sad, “I’m sorry for being such a, umm, downer.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, you don’t have to apologize.” After a moment Yuuri smiled and started to walk away. “Well, I’ll see you later then.”

“Yes, see you later.” Guang Hong still had a wistful sort of smile on his face when Yuuri left and Yuuri noted to himself how odd the interaction had seemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do da dee, I've fucked up Chris real bad. Sorry Chris, you were too happy in my first outline (just kidding).
> 
> Can you believe just yesterday I wrote and posted something where there was no angst and everyone was happy? Wild, I know.


	20. Guang Hong and Leo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guang Hong wasn’t human, wasn’t even mortal, and so he couldn’t die. He longed to end his wanderings but couldn't do so by dying. 
> 
> Guang Hong wasn't human, wasn't even mortal, and so he couldn't find a place where he belonged. He longed to end his wandering but couldn't find a place where he could rest his weary feet. 
> 
> That was until he met the boy with the brown hair and magical smile. 
> 
> \---
> 
> Leo de la Iglesia was going to die young. He was only ten when the doctor informed him and his parents that Leo would, if he was lucky, live to be twenty-two. By now, they weren’t even sure he’d last that long.
> 
> But, well, he'd come to terms with that.

Even after all these years, he could still imagine the tree next to the cliff. He could see the large pond — or was it a small lake? — that was the center of his world. He remembered the far off river that herded gallons of water off the edge of the sister cliff and down to the lake below. He felt the heat of the sun and the cool of the shade.

He knew what Her face looked like, even now.

He’d been born of the wind and the air but his brothers and sisters were nothing like him. They were tall and strong and so different from his small frame. They said he wasn’t born of wind or air and that he was a bastard. That he was too earthly to be an air elemental. He didn’t have their wings and he felt comfortable on the ground. The only thing that tied him to his label as an air elemental was his natural control over the wind and the air but even that was weak.

He loved nature. Loved flowers and grass and trees. It was the scent of a distant lotus that pulled Guang Hong out of his boring life wandering an endless forest and to the cliff that was forever burned in his memory. 

Most people couldn’t understand how an air elemental ended up as a disciple of Guan Yin but to Guang Hong, it made all the sense in the world. 

He was wandering, trying to find the lotus that smelled to him like the best thing in the entire world, and he came to the edge of his forest. There was a clearing that led up to a cliff. The clearing had only a single tree and a large pond. In the pond was a huge lotus, a woman in the white dress sitting on it like it made so much sense in the world. She had a crown and a necklace and a smile that soothed Guang Hong’s concerns. 

She didn’t speak to him then, but she didn’t have to. He knew she welcomed him to stay as long as he needed. 

When he thought back on his time with Her, Guang Hong was pretty sure she’d never spoken to him. But she never had to. She could hear him and he could understand what she was trying to tell him. They lived in harmony for years. Decades. Centuries. Millennium. Guang Hong watched seasons pass in the tree’s gain and loss of leaves. He watched its flowers grow and fall. 

Then, one morning he woke up and felt something was wrong. His world was no longer silence, he could hear bustle. He could hear the sound of words that not long ago didn’t exist for Guang Hong. But more, in the warmth of the late summer sun, he was alone. There was no lotus in the middle of the pond. There was no woman in white, ready to smile at Guang Hong and make him feel at home.

“Guan Yin?” He called, feeling cold in the sunny morning. His clothes were flowing so he’d be cooler during the summer months but now he wished he had his winter clothes. There was a sound of rustling from the forest and Guang Hong felt the buzz of panic in his veins. “Guan Yin?”

When two figures broke into the clearing, Guang Hong’s heart sank. 

She was really gone.

\---

They didn’t speak the same language. Nobody did. 

Guang Hong knew what he was speaking and what they were speaking were similar but neither party could really understand the other. There were bits and pieces that fit together, but there wasn’t enough for any sort of conversation. 

The town, well city, that Guang Hong had been brought to was larger than anything he’d ever even imagined. Humans were barely passed building small villages when he last interacted with them and now they’d created a booming civilization. 

After many insistent repetitions of “Guan Yin?” Guang Hong was finally lead to a temple of some kind, where he found a statue to her. 

He let himself fall to the ground, knees too week to keep himself upright. He let tears run out of his eyes like miniature waterfalls, his sadness pushed out of his body and onto his cheeks.

He stayed there for an entire day, the men who had brought him started out with a look of discomfort but it quickly turned to annoyance. They didn’t want to bother the obviously upset teenager they found alone in the woods, but they also didn’t know what they were supposed to do. 

Guang Hong ignored them, though, and promised in the language he’d been born speaking that he’d continue searching for her.

\---

Guang Hong ended up in the hands of a pair of women who were not from the area. He could tell because they looked nothing like anyone else living in the city. One even had blonde hair. 

Later he’d learn that they were Christian missionaries and that they mistakenly took him in, thinking he was a teenage girl.

They didn’t help him learn the local language, which would have been helpful given the fact that he was living there, and instead taught him their language. That said, English was helpful when he decided to leave.

One day the women began packing and told all their students they’d have to leave soon. And they did. And Guang Hong was alone again.

He liked that better.

So he started traveling. He was looking for Her. 

But he never found Her and never found a single trace of her. He tried so hard, too. He searched for centuries and with each passing century Guang Hong felt more and more like he’d lost his purpose. He had nothing and no one. He was lost with no way to be found.

If he could die like humans did, then he would gladly die. 

But he wasn’t a human, he wasn’t mortal, and so he couldn’t die.

He couldn’t end his wandering because he wasn’t able to find a place where he belonged.

That was until he met the boy with the brown hair and magical smile. 

\---

Leo de la Iglesia was going to die young. He was only ten when the doctor informed him and his parents that Leo would, if he was lucky, live to be twenty-two. By now, they weren’t even sure he’d last that long. 

But Leo didn’t mind. Sure, he would rather have a full life, but if this was what God had planned then he’d accept it. He’d just have to share his music with the world before he died. It would be harder to do, he only had a couple of years, but he’d do it. 

Tonight, though, he wasn’t the one in charge of music. Instead, he’d taken to the dance floor to show these people what dancing really was. It was all about the hips and Leo had the hips. And he knew how to move them. 

He helped a girl with nice hips move to the music, her face dreamy and far off. He helped a boy with the moves but no sense of rhythm to get at least a little on beat. He helped a young man with no hips and no butt but all the emotion. He mostly helped him by wrapping his arms around the young man’s shoulders and pulling their bodies close together. Leo was sure his hips could make up for anything his dance partner was lacking.

He was about to take a break, his breath heavy and body sweating, when a woman approached the part of the dance floor that everyone knew was Leo’s. He’d never seen her before and doubted she was from the area. At the very least, she’d never been here before which would make sense, she was older than most of the people who frequented this club. Not by much, he noted, but she did look older than everyone who surrounded her. 

At first, he thought she was looking for a partner and he was going to take a step away, he was tired and she was a little old for him, but when she caught his eyes Leo could see a challenge in them. He grinned, wide and excited, and stepped up to accept. She’d learn quickly that he wasn’t to be taken lightly and that you couldn’t just walk onto his turf without consequences. 

She held her own against him for a while before she bowed out, giving him the victory with a grace he hadn’t seen in a while. Leo decided he liked this woman, even if he didn’t even know her name. 

\---

“You’re good.” Leo set his water bottle down, scooting over so the woman could sit on the bench he was lounging on. 

He’d slipped out of the club soon after she conceded their contest, basking in the cool night air as he tried to catch his breath. It was getting harder and harder for him keep up his energy for the entire night, his deadline approaching rapidly. 

“It’s what I do.” He smiled at her and gestured for her to sit but she didn’t accept his invitation. “My singing is even better.”

“You really know how to feel the music.” She paused, seeming to be in thought. “I’m T, by the way.”

“Leo.” He took a long drink. “Is T short for something?”

“Terpsichore.” His eyebrows raised before he could think about it and she laughed. “It’s a name from another time, don’t worry too much about it. I go by T now.”

“Well, T, what can I do for you?”

“I want to offer you a job.”

Leo laughed, “I don’t think you want to hire me. Unless it’s a short job.”

“No, it’s more long-term.”

“I don’t think you want me then.” He smirked but there was no humor in the motion. “I’m not going to live all that long.”

“Part of this job includes you being able to live for much longer than you will now.”

His face darkened, the smile on his face gone. “Listen, lady, I don’t want to hear about your crackpot plans to make me healthy. You better not go anywhere near my family with those ideas. They’re still too emotional to make good decisions and you could probably trick them into paying you. That said if you do that I will kill you.” He laughed, “I’ve got maybe a year left. I don't care if I go to prison now. I probably wouldn’t even live long enough to make it to trial.”

“No worries here, I’m not looking for money.”

“Then what?” Leo didn’t trust this woman even though her face and voice screamed ‘trustworthy.’ 

“All you have to do is accept the job.”

“I don’t think I’m going to really be very good at any job you could have for me anyways.” He threw his arms out, raising his voice a little. “I’m nineteen years old. I’ve got a high school education and nothing much else.”

“You’ve got a great sense for music. It’s like your body is naturally in tune with it. I haven’t seen anyone as genuinely in love with music as you are since I was young. That’s all that matters for this job.”

“Fine, okay, whatever! I’ll take your job that will apparently save me. You’ll be sorry when I die in a few years. You realize I’m already starting to feel the onset of the symptoms that will kill me? If I’m lucky I’ll be able to dance for another year. After that, I’ll have a year or two before I die.”

“You don’t sound very happy about this. At least not for someone who’s said he’s come to terms with his death.”

“How did you–? Never mind, I don’t care.” Leo shook his head, “Of course I care! Of course I don’t want to die! That doesn’t mean I haven’t come to terms with it. It’s something I have to deal with and if I let it weigh me down then I’ll waste the little time I have left.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He didn’t know what that meant.

She stuck her hand out, “Okay.”

After a moment of hesitation, he sighed and took her hand, shaking it. “This better not be anything weird. I will call the cops on you if I have to.”

“Oh don’t worry, it’s nothing weird.” She smiled, letting go of Leo’s hand. She gave him a small wave and started to walk away.

“Wait! Where are you going?”

“I have some business to take care of. You’ll know when it’s time to start your job.”

She disappeared into the night, leaving Leo blinking and confused. 

\---

It was about a month later that he woke up feeling strange. It wasn’t just that he felt healthier than he had in years but also that everything seemed so strange. He couldn’t put his finger on what had changed but something did. All he knew was that he suddenly had an extreme urge to go out dancing even though it was still morning and there wasn’t much to do in the way of dancing unless he wanted to hop on into a ballet studio. 

The thought of going to the ballet studio made him smile, which was strange. He felt so strongly that he wanted to go to the studio even though he’d never had an interest in ballet before this. Sure, he appreciated it, but he’d never wanted to partake before now. 

But it wasn’t like he could do that if he wanted. He had a doctor’s appointment to get to.

\---

The doctor had called them back into the office a week later, a shaky confusion in his voice.

Leo hadn’t heard most of what he said after, ‘There are no signs of illness.’

It wasn’t until later that he found the letter in his dresser drawer. 

\---

_Leo,_

_I’m sure you’re confused but I couldn’t exactly explain everything to you the night we met. I mean, I could have, but you wouldn’t have believed me._

_There was a trade-off for saving your life. That trade off is immortality._

_I thought I’d get that point out of the way before explaining why. It probably would have been more dramatic to put that at the end but I’m not much for theatrics anymore._

_Leo… it’s been a long life and I was ready to rest. But the only way for me to rest was to find a replacement. To find a successor. I’ve been looking for years. Decades even. I don’t even know how long I’ve been looking._

_I was birthed from the soul of the planet as the muse of dance. I was a sort of keeper of dance. I’ve seen civilizations rise and fall, all through their dance. I can do dances that nobody else remembers and I can remember dances that people wouldn’t believe existed. But now… now I’m tired. I’ve seen too much and I’m tired so I’ve chosen to move on. I don’t know exactly what that means for me but for you, it means you have been given all of my knowledge and all my abilities._

_Your job, the one I offered you, was to take over my position as the muse of dance._

_If you can’t handle it then you can find a successor. You know how to transfer your powers if need be. I think you are right for this job._

_When I met you, you were more of a muse of dance than I had been in years._

_Good Luck,  
Terpsichore_

\---

He’d seen the young man at the club many nights in a row. He didn’t drink and he didn’t dance. He honestly didn’t look all that happy to be there. Leo was aware, though, that the young man had been staring at him quite a bit. 

Leo thought he looked young, too young to be in a club, but if they’d let him in then his ID must have been at least a convincing fake. 

One of Leo’s friends approached him, probably with a request or suggestion, but Leo pulled him close enough to speak above the music.

“Can you take over for me? I have something I want to do.” His friend nodded and the two switched places, Leo easily dodging through the crowd towards the young man.

The young brunet was looking around now as if he had lost something or someone in the crowd. He didn’t look panicked, more disappointed than anything else.

“Hey.” Leo spoke as quietly as one could in a club. So, he was shouting. “I’m Leo.”

“Oh!” The man looked momentarily terrified before his face fell into a placid shyness. “Hello. I’m, umm, my name is Guang Hong.” 

“Want to go outside?” Leo smiled, hoping he didn’t seem creepy or like he was trying to take advantage of the young looking man. “It’s a little loud in here and you don’t really look like you’re having a good time.”

“I don't think I’d be all that interesting to talk to.”

“Oh, I doubt that.” Leo flashed an even brighter smile, not understanding how someone could so quickly put them down like that. “How could someone with such a pretty face be boring?”

Guang Hong blushed deeply, smiling at his shoes. “Oh, okay.” Now he smiled at Leo and Leo thought he felt his heart skip a beat, “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are my bebs and I wish I had done them more justice in this chapter. I had a better chapter planned but did the really smart thing where I didn't write it down immediately and therefore forgot the wonderful prose I'd written. 
> 
> Question of the day: can I write a character who is fully happy and has not sadness in their life?
> 
> \---
> 
> Side note: if I'm _lucky_ I'll be cutting next week's updates down to MF. I graduate this Friday and then will be going back home until my job starts so I'll have more time but this weekend will be crazy and my buffer will be 100% gone once I post this Friday so...


	21. Contrast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been three years since Viktor felt their lips touch. It's been two years since Viktor let his mom cut his hair. It's been one year since Viktor took over the family business. It's been no time at all since Viktor's life seemed to regain color.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does this ch title mean? Who knows!?

Viktor never figured out where Yuliy was from. He’d told Viktor he was moving here sometime soon and yet Viktor never saw him. 

At twenty-three his mother pestered him about finding a wife. She kept talking about kids and not waiting too long. She talked about continuing the family name. He was determined to ignore her for as long as possible

At twenty-four his papa had a heart attack and even though he lived, Viktor basically inherited the shop since Papa couldn’t do as much as usual. The insistence he marry only got stronger. The feeling he was losing the little purpose he had only got stronger. 

At twenty-five, after a long battle with the only other baker in town, Viktor won the right to bake for all the Lord’s daughter’s engagement and eventual marriage. It was prestigious. It was the best thing that could happen to his family. He just felt so bored. He’d thought this job would be exciting but he’d been wrong. It was just more of the same, only now he worked in the mansion’s kitchen instead of his own.

On the day of the engagement announcement, Viktor was dead tired by the time he and his apprentices, he couldn’t believe he had apprentices, finished baking. He wanted to return home without watching the procession that would bring some rich young man into town to be wed into the Vasiliev family. But one young man who worked for him, a real spitfire who Viktor was pretty sure never tired out, insisted they stay to watch. Viktor hated to admit it but he had trouble saying no to the kid, his pleading eyes getting him every time. 

At twenty-five, Viktor found out when Yuliy was moving into town.

\---

It was honestly a miracle that Viktor was able to find Yuliy alone without anyone being suspicious of him. It turned out, being the noble baker had its perks. That, apparently, included telling people that Yuliy had called for some bread to be brought up to his room. 

Viktor finally got up the courage to knock on the door, which was answered immediately with a fake smile and a head of dark hair. 

“Hello? Did I forget something?”

“I’m here with some bread and water, in case you’re hungry.” He smiled, not sure if Yuliy would remember him. Viktor didn’t think he was that memorable of a person. 

Yuily stared at him for a long moment, smile gone and eyes filled with fear. 

“I– I didn’t, umm, ask for bread.” His words were stilted by fear. 

Viktor hadn’t been expecting much but he’d never expected fear. Why was Yuliy so afraid of him? Did he think Viktor had taken advantage of him when they first met? Did he think Viktor would tell people about what had happened between them?

“I just thought you’d like some…”

“No.” He managed, “I can’t– we can’t–”

“Yuliy, please, I’m not here to hurt you.” Viktor suddenly wanted to flee, “I just wanted to see you again.”

“No, I’m sorry.” Viktor could see tears in Yuliy’s eyes as he closed the door. “I don’t know you.” 

Viktor hadn’t been expecting much, at least he tried to tell himself that.

He hadn’t expected much, but he hadn’t expected this. 

\---

It was almost a week later when Viktor’s grumpy walk home was suddenly interrupted by hands on his wrist. He started to attack but when he turned to the assumed attacker he found a young man in glasses, with a hood pulled over his head. But the hood didn’t fool Viktor, he’d know Yuliy anywhere.

He let Yuliy lead him silently to an isolated location, waiting for the shorter man to speak.

“I’m sorry.” Yuliy began with, “I didn’t want to hurt you. I was just hoping I wouldn’t see you again and so when you showed up I didn’t know what to do.”

“You didn’t want to see me again?”

“No, I did!” Yuliy let his face drop, “I just knew I shouldn’t see you again. It’s dangerous, for both of us. But especially for you.”

“I don’t care.” Viktor’s face was set and Yuliy smiled, tired but genuine. 

“I thought you’d say that…” He reached up and brushed his hands through Viktor’s now short hair. He’d cut it not long after he thought Yuily wasn’t coming back, caving to his parent’s request for him to cut it. “I almost didn’t recognize you at first, with your hair like this. But I could never forget your eyes.”

Viktor couldn’t keep himself from blushing, “Do you like it? My hair?”

“I liked your long hair.” Yuliy smiled, “But I think this too.”

Tears filled his eyes and Yuliy pressed his face into the front of Viktor’s shirt, trying to keep his tears inside by closing his eyes as tightly as possible. Based on the wetness of his shirt, Viktor guessed his attempt had failed. 

“I wish this was easier.” Yuliy’s voice was muffled by Viktor’s shirt, “I wish I could just be with you.”

“I do too.” Viktor pushed Yuliy away from his chest, looking at the near stranger he had fallen for a couple of years ago. 

For a moment he questioned what he was doing, what he was pursuing, and wondered if maybe this wasn’t worth it. Looking at Yuliy’s tearstained face made Viktor question if this was the best for either of them

And yet he still leaned in to kiss Yuliy, his eyes closed and the motion of his lips deliberate. It only took a moment for Yuliy to return the kiss with a fierce hunger Viktor didn’t expect. 

“Yuliy, I want this…” Viktor breathed, bringing their mouths apart just long enough to speak and for Yuliy to respond, “I want you.”

“Me too.” Yuliy kissed him for a moment, “Meet me back here next week at the same time.”

Viktor hummed an affirmative response into Yuliy’s lips, letting the shorter man pull a hand through his hair while Viktor relished in the contrast between the cold wall he was backed up against and the warm press of Yuily’s body against his chest. 

In that almost silent moment, Viktor really believed this would somehow work out just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no, I can feel the writer's block returning. Every word is difficult. This chapter was supposed to be longer and involve two different parts [one in the current timeline and one in the past] but I just couldn't find any of the words for the first part so instead we've got an entire flashback chapter and I've moved what was going to happen in the first part to a later chapter. Which, honestly, was a good idea because my outline for the chapter I moved it two mostly consisted of question marks. 
> 
> I'm graduating from college today! But because of that, I won't get much writing done this weekend. I think I'm going to cut down to MF updates for at least next week (I have one ch of buffer left and another chapter almost done so I should be fine). I think I'll leave Wed for updating other fics and/or posting one-shots.


	22. Bruised Shins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lost pencil. A knocked over pair of shoes. A bruised shin. It all meant a lot to Phichit even as Seung-gil tried to convince him otherwise and he was determined to get to the bottom of what it all meant.

It wasn’t hard to tell when something was wrong with Seung-gil. Phichit assumed it would be difficult but he was actually pretty bad a hiding the fact that something was on his mind. 

Seung-gil was usually precise and put together in everything he did but in the past hours alone Phichit had watched him walk into the same table twice, trip over a pair of shoes he’d taken off only ten minutes earlier, and forget where the pen he’d placed behind his ear was. 

“Hey Seung-gil, I’m pretty tired. Why don’t we stop doing work.” Phichit suggested after watching Seung-gil stare at his textbook for ten minutes without even attempting to read the page. 

“Don’t you have an exam to study for?” He looked, bags under his eyes whispering secrets about how he’d been spending his nights. 

“It’s not until next week.” He smiled, “Why don’t we watch something?”

“Watch… something?”

“Like a movie.” Phichit closed his textbook, putting everything back into his backpack. “Do you have anything you like?”

“I don’t really watch movies.” Seung-gil admitted, looking around his mostly empty apartment. 

“What’s that?” Phichit pointed at Seung-gil’s bookshelf, walking over to pull a DVD case off of the shelf. He held it out and for a moment Seung-gil didn’t know where it had come from.

“Oh, I forgot about that. I sort of bought it on a whim.” He bit his lip, “It was my sister’s favorite drama.”

Phichit frowned, trying to decide whether or not he had the right to push into Seung-gil’s personal life.

“You’ve mentioned your sister before. Is she… did she die?”

“I don’t know.” Seung-gil confessed, looking at the textbook still open in front of him. “She was alive last time I saw her but… well, I have no idea where she is or if she’s alive.”

“I’m sorry.” Phichit started to put the DVD back but Seung-gil shook his head.

“I’ve never watched it, why don’t we? I mean, as long as you don’t mind that it’s in Korean.” 

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to explain what’s happening.” Phichit smiled, going to put the disk into the unused DVD player that had come with Seung-gil’s apartment. “Can I ask her name?” 

“Mi-na.” He stood, leaving the textbook open and abandoned on the table to go sit on the couch. “She was fourteen last time I saw her.”

“What happen? I mean, why don’t you know what happened to her?” Phichit moved to switch the lights off, handing the controller to Seung-gil on his way past the couch.

“We were separated just before…” Seung-gil’s voice caught, not by emotion but by his mind telling him to stop. This wasn’t a story for today. It wouldn’t be something he could tell for a long time, if ever. “Well, we got separated and I haven’t seen her since.”

Seung-gil clicked to start the DVD just as Phichit sat next to him, their legs bumping lightly together. 

“I’m sorry about that.” Phichit leaned his head onto Seung-gil’s shoulder, the taller man stiffening for a moment before he forced himself to loosen up. “Tell me about her?”

“She wasn’t anything like me.” Seung-gil choked out a humorless laugh, “She was outgoing and kind. Everyone loved her. At least, everyone except our father. But he didn’t like either of us. He was angry because Mom had left him.” Seung-gil was aware of nails digging into his palm but the pain didn’t register. “I was home from college, for Mi-na’s birthday, and he showed up at our apartment with a knife. I don’t know what happened after he…” 

Seung-gil breathed shakily, watching as the young man in the drama was walking through a train station looking for someone. 

“I tried to stop him from hurting Mom and he stabbed me. I passed out before I saw anything else.” Seung-gil felt his own story falling apart, “I was… in a coma for four years. I was moved to this city’s hospital because it had better facilities. I woke up but had lost all ability to contact my family.”

“I’m really sorry.” Phichit felt bad for bringing it up. He’d been hoping to find out what was wrong with Seung-gil now but instead dredged up other memories entirely. He paused before pointing to the screen. “Wait, what’s going on?”

“He’s worried it’s a trap.”

Phichit repositioned himself to lean more heavily against Seung-gil, liking the warmth that radiated from the taller man. After a moment of trying to find a comfortable position, he sat back up, scooting into a position that let him put his head in Seung-gil’s lap. 

If Seung-gil’s face hadn’t been red before, it was now as he tried to work through what he was supposed to do right now. After some hesitation he reached up and ran one hand through Phichit’s hair, the other man practically purring at the touch. 

“You have very soft hair.” Seung-gil found himself commenting, not really sure if that counted as a compliment or not. It was just the truth. 

“Thanks.” So at least Phichit considered it a compliment.

They watched the rest of the first episode, Phichit interrupting now and again with a question, but didn’t start the second one. Even though it wasn’t late, both of them felt too tired to do much more than stay lounging on the couch, Seung-gil still running his hand through Phichit’s hair.

“Seung-gil?”

“Yes?”

“What’s wrong?”

“What?” Seung-gil’s hand stopped and Phichit sat up, looking at Seung-gil with a hardened sympathy that made Seung-gil look away. 

“You’ve been off all day and I’m worried.” Phichit reached out to turn Seung-gil’s face back to him. “Is it what Altin said?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m fine.” Seung-gil forced his chin out of Phichit’s grasp, looking back at the wall. 

“You’re not fine. You haven’t been sleeping and you’ve been acting like an airhead all day. Running into tables. Forgetting where you put stuff. It’s not like you.”

“Sorry if I’m not perfect all the time!” Phichit was taken aback by the angry bite to Seung-gil’s voice. He’d never seen Seung-gil this totally angry, the closest he’d come was the engagement party but that hadn’t been like this. He definitely didn’t expect anger directed at him.

“Fine, if you don’t want to talk about it I’ll leave you alone.” Phichit didn’t want to cry right now so leaving seemed like the best choice. He was already at the door when Seung-gil’s anger dropped and he found himself squeezing his eyes closed in the hopes that everything would just go away.

“Phichit, I didn’t mean to snap at you–” He was cut off by the door closing, not quite slammed closed but definitely louder than necessary. “Fuck.”

He ran his hands through his hair, trying and failing to get his racing thoughts under control. He used to be so good at logically thinking through any problem, even stepping between his parents had been a logical, thought-out decision. Taking that knife to the abdomen while his sister ran out the door, dragging their mom with her. It had been a logical decision because there was no other option. He didn’t have the skills to disarm his father and if he wanted his family to live, he’d take the knife. He held tightly to his father’s shoulders until his mom and sister left. Until he lost consciousness. 

He was always logical and it so rarely ended well for him. Now, though, he’d tried to throw away logic. Phichit had made him want to throw away logic because he wanted to find a way to love someone even when his heart had turned cold lives ago. 

If there was one thing that Seung-gil was good at, that was turning issues over and over in his mind and either coming to a logical, cold solution or taking so long to think that the issue resolved itself, usually poorly. 

He pushed everyone away. Everyone ended up hating him. Everyone sent him away eventually or left. It had taken longer than Seung-gil expected for Phichit to leave and for once it was less about his logic and more about how emotional he’d been lately. It wouldn’t be the first time that his emotions had lead to a bad ending but it had been a handful of lives ago.

So maybe what Prince Altin had said _had_ bothered him. Maybe he couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t deserve the relationship he was in. Maybe he was sabotaging himself. Maybe that was why he was still sitting in his dark apartment instead of going after the first person in a long time who genuinely liked him for reasons other than blood relation. 

He could hear his sister chastising him for still sitting there, pitying himself. For someone so happy-go-lucky, she could be a little harsh. Maybe she knew that was what Seung-gil responded to. 

What had she said to him when they were younger and he’d been upset about losing a friend?

_“Either fix what’s broken or move on, don’t just sit there and do nothing.”_

“Okay, Mi-na.” He murmured, standing and heading to the door. He just hoped it wasn’t too late to find Phichit. Worst comes to worst, he’d text Phichit or go to his apartment. 

When he left his apartment he headed towards Phichit and Yuuri’s in the hopes that he could catch up to his boyfriend… if he could even say they were still dating after him being such an asshole. Honestly, he was pretty sure he deserved to be dumped after that. But he would try to at least apologize for what he did.

Seung-gil worried Phichit would be long gone by now but found it didn’t take him long to find the young witch. As Seung-gil rounded the corner he found Phichit sitting alone on a bench, shivering in the cold winter night. He was wearing a tank-top and shorts, both too thin to be worn outside during the day, let alone this late at night.

“Phichit…” Seung-gil stood a bit away from the dark-featured man, unsure about what he should or could do. Even though the ghost of his sister had propelled him here, she was silent about what he should be doing now. “I’m… I’m sorry about raising my voice.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed.” Phichit’s voice was small. He wasn’t crying but it was obvious he had been.

Seung-gil wished he had any idea at all what to do in this situation. He wished he was more like his sister. He wished he was anyone but the useless person he was. 

“You were worried.” He responded, “I was rude.”

“I just don’t know how to help anyone anymore.” Phichit lamented, sniffling. “Yuuri won’t talk to me and I’m glad he’s able to talk to Viktor but why doesn’t he want to talk to me? He tells Chris more than he tells me and I don’t know what to do. And now you’re not telling me what’s wrong. What’s wrong with me that nobody wants to talk to me? Am I really that fragile?”

“No!” Seung-gil exclaimed, taking a half step towards Phichit but stopping because he still didn’t know what to do. 

“Here I am, making it about myself again.” Phichit lowered his face, a forlorn smile painting a bitter picture onto his face. “I’m sorry, I wanted this to be about helping you. All you’ve been doing is dealing with me.”

“No.” Seung-gil repeated, “That’s not true. I’m sorry for being… closed off. I told you how I could remember all my past lives? Well, this last life… or my life now I guess was one of very few where I had anyone who cared about me. I don’t really know how to… how to talk to people about how I’m feeling. I’m usually on my own…”

Seung-gil stared at his shoes, wishing he had a way with words like so many other people did. He wished he had some sort of roadmap for how to fix the mistakes he made. He wished there was a way to take back the entire evening, even if that meant he didn’t know how soft Phichit’s hair was. 

Maybe the reason Phichit fit him so well was the other man had a way with words and a way with actions. He moved to hold Seung-gil, the taller man stiffening at the touch like he always did at first. But, like he had started doing with less and less thought, he relaxed into the embrace. 

He hadn’t felt this safe since before his father barged in on Mi-na’s birthday celebration. Even before that he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt this safe, carefully held against Phichit with a firmness that let him know he wasn’t alone but with a softness that left him feeling unconstricted. He let his face fall onto Phichit’s shoulder, breathing quietly for a moment. 

“I’ll try to be better about talking.” Seung-gil murmured, meaning it even when he was pretty sure he’d have a near impossible time following through.

“Will you tell me what’s been bothering you lately?” 

“If you come inside, you’re freezing.” Seung-gil pulled himself away from Phichit, draping his jacket over the shorter man’s shoulder, a blush spreading onto Phichit’s cheeks. 

“Thanks.” His eyes were still a little red and puffy but the smile he gave Seung-gil was genuine. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I giving this ship too much screen time? Mayyyyyybbbbbbe. Is it almost 3am right now and am I losing my grip on reality a little? MMMMMMMMAAAAAAYYYYYBBBBBBBBE.
> 
> \---
> 
> This is not 3am me talking now. Should I rewrite the summary of this fic? I like it but I feel bad that I think it implies a large role for Yuri, which originally there was but the story has changed a lot since I wrote that summary. I feel like I need to at least have Phichit and Chris mentioned in this summary and possibly also Seung-gil, give their greater importance... Ugh I'm bad at writing summaries though and I don't know if I want to put in the time to figure out what to change it to...


	23. Six Immortals Walk Into a Bar...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memory is a strange thing and so are immortals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I raised the rating even though this doesn't really get raunchy. I'll probably raise it again later too but I haven't decided whether I'm going in that direction or not so for now, have T rating.
> 
> Also my buffer is back up after a marathon writing session so there won't be any need to decrease posting. Honestly, I have enough I could post MTWRF. I'm not going to but still.

Mila wasn’t glaring at Yuuri, but he was pretty sure her eyes were going to drill holes through him. He really wasn’t a fan of the very pointed look she was giving him from behind the checkout desk. 

In the end, it wasn’t Viktor’s arrival that saved him from yet another awkward silence with one of Viktor’s coworkers, but instead the arrival of three more people. 

“Hey, Mila!” One of them, the lighter-haired one with the big smile, called with a wave. “Sorry we’re late.”

“It’s fine, Viktor still isn’t down.”

“And what exactly is he doing?” A long-haired woman asked, stepping over to Mila to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Last time I saw him, he was a ghost.”

“Ghost or not, Viktor can be a little fussy.” 

“I’m not fussy.” Viktor crossed his arms as he floated down the stairs, pouting even as he was clearly trying his best to not smile. “I just care.”

Yuuri was understandably surprised when Viktor came to stand next to him and was wearing a different outfit that usual. It wasn’t that Yuuri didn’t know he could ‘change outfits’ but more that he’s just never seen Viktor wearing anything except a pair of gray slacks and a black V-neck. Now he was dressed impeccably in a black suit and tie. 

“You look good.” Yuuri said, blushing more than he wanted too. 

“You…” Viktor frowned at Yuuri, “I mean that tie could go but other than that you look great.”

Yuuri looked down at his tie, flustered and surprised that Viktor would be so critical. Behind him, Mila groaned.

“Viktor, be nice. Yuuri looks great.” She pursed her lips for a moment, “Yuuri, the tie is fine. Viktor is a little bit of a snob when it comes to clothes, just ignore him.” Now she was glaring at Viktor, “You should think before you speak.”

Viktor had the decency to look bashful, “Sorry. Are we ready to go then?”

—

Viktor had told Yuuri that the reason this very anti-ghost restaurant was allowing them in was that they were a large enough party that one non-paying body wouldn’t make them lose much business. When they got to the restaurant, Yuuri got the distinct feeling that it wasn’t so much that as much as it was the fact that Mila was apparently someone of great import. Viktor hadn’t explained who Mila was but now Yuuri wished he’d asked. 

He could tell she held herself with a level of confidence you didn’t see in someone who looked as young as she did, telling him she was much older than the apparent eighteen of her looks. 

Yuuri was learning that he wasn’t the only one with a strange group of friends. 

“So, how have you two been doing?” Mila asked while they all decided what to order. 

“I… umm…” Yuuri looked at Viktor, hoping he knew what Mila wanted them to answer. 

“We’re doing great, right Yuuri?” Viktor smiled broadly and Yuuri smiled back, nodding in agreement before looking down at the entirely too expensive menu in his hands. How was he going to afford any of this? “How are you? I didn’t get to talk much last time we saw each other.”

“Great.” Mila smiled, looking at the woman next to her. Nobody had introduced the three friends of Mila’s to Yuuri but he was too embarrassed to point that fact out. “Ever since they made our home a protected zone, things have been a lot easier. I’ve never minded the change but I would have hated to see our pond disturbed.” 

“When did they make it a protected zone?” Viktor asked, “I knew it was a park but…”

Yuuri noticed Mila share a quick, concerned look with the other woman before she smiled at Viktor, “About a year ago. I made a pretty good case to the burrow council.” Her smile turned mischievous, “Apparently it’s hard for them to say no when vines are keeping them from leaving the council chambers.” 

“You didn’t.” Viktor gasped even as he was smiling. “Sara, you let her do that?”

Yuuri made a quick note of the woman’s name, wondering if he’d ever find out the names of the other two men. 

“You know how Mila is when she puts her mind to something. There really wasn’t much I could do.” Sara’s smile contradicted the assumption she had even tried to stop Mila, instead implying she might have helped her instead. 

“It’s our home.” The man with the purple eyes added crossly. “Just because we don’t have a deed doesn’t mean it isn’t ours.”

“Exactly.” Mila pointed at the man, “And that’s what I told the council the first three times I went but they just brushed me off. Something about not technically having residency and therefore not being actual constituents of theirs. We lived here before their species were even standing on two legs. They have no right to our land.”

“Especially since you so kindly let them cut down most of The Forest.” Sara added, “You could have stopped them from building this city when it was only a couple of houses. They owe you.”

At this Mila laughed and waved Sara away, “Change isn’t a bad thing. The beings that try to fight change always lose.”

Yuuri felt suddenly cold, a feeling he might have appreciated if it wasn’t accompanied by feeling like he was going to be sick. Before he could excuse himself a waiter appeared to take their order. He ordered their cheapest meal, a salad, mentally cursing the fact that now his monthly budget was completely thrown off. 

“Viktor,” Mila leaned forward in her seat, looking at Viktor was a sly sort of expression. “Anything to report about your past?”

“Not really.” Viktor waved her away with a strained smile, “Since I talked to you I’ve only had a handful of memories return.”

“That’s good, though!” The last man said. He’d been all smiles since walking into the spirits shop. “That means we were right.”

“Did you doubt me, Emil?” Sara gave the man a look but burst out laughing when he sputtered a little. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Now she turned to look at Yuuri instead. Viktor was glad to have the attention off of him but he noticed Yuuri stiffen under her smiling gaze. “And what about you? How have you been?”

“Me?” Yuuri squeaked out. “I mean, I’m fine.”

“What do you do?” She asked, “You’re human, right? You must have a job or something.”

“I’m a student.” Not that he’d been paying much attention to his studies lately, “Double major in dance and education. Though I don’t know if I’m going to finish the education degree.”

“Yuuri,” Viktor whined next to him, “you never told me you were an education major.” 

“It never came up.” Yuuri glanced at the table, “And like I said, I don’t know if I’m going to complete it.”

“So you like teaching?” Mila asked. 

“I was sort of hoping to become a dance teacher someday so I thought education would be a good background, even if it wasn’t technically dance education that I’d be learning.” Yuuri fiddled nervously with his napkin. “My dance teacher from home was one of my biggest influences and I wanted to do what she did for me for someone else. My family helped me make the decision to move here but it was really her encouragement that convinced me to audition here. I was going to give up on dance until she convinced me to at least attempt an audition.” 

“That’s really sweet.” Mila was smiled first at Yuuri, then at Sara. “I guess most people have someone in their life that helps them learn how and when to change.”

If Yuuri heard the word change one more time tonight, he was pretty sure he was going to be sick. He was glad when their dinners came and diverted the conversation. 

He was especially glad to find the conversation never turn back to him. 

\---

It was a miracle they hadn’t been caught. Viktor knew that and yet he couldn’t bring himself to put a stop to this relationship.

They would get caught. It was unfair to Yuliy’s fiancé. It was unfair to Viktor’s family. 

When Viktor announced he was going to get his own place his papa hadn’t been pleased. He’d been pretty livid, honestly. After a long talk, though, Viktor’s mama convinced him that Viktor just needed room. She convinced him that Viktor would have an easier time finding a wife if he was on his own for a little. 

If only they knew why he really got his own place.

They’d never gone very far, both as embarrassed as they were uncertain. Viktor wasn’t sure when they’d both stripped off their shirts but he didn’t dwell on it, instead relishing the feeling of their skin touching. Their breathing was heavy and their skin slick with sweat. Up until now, they’d been careful, too careful, but now they were acting recklessly. It wasn’t like they were children, though. They were adults, with Yuliy turning 23 only a week or so ago and Viktor an old 26. 

But that was exactly the problem with what was happening. They were adult and they had real lives and real problems. They had serious expectations they both had to live up to. 

But Viktor’s thoughts were swept away when Yuliy moved his lips to Viktor’s neck, his hands roaming closer to Viktor’s crotch with each sigh and caught breath from Viktor. 

“Yuliy,” Viktor murmured, not feeling stupid for what he was about to say until after he said it. “I love you.”

Viktor realized immediately that maybe this wasn’t the best time to have said he loved Yuliy. It was definitely not the best moment to say so for the first time. It wasn’t that he’d just said it in the heat of the moment, he really did feel it, it was just they were both trying to be so careful not to say things like love. They both had commitments and weights. They both knew this had been doomed from the beginning. 

Even with that poorly timed confession, Yuliy continued as if he’d heard nothing. For a moment Viktor was willing to let it pass with little more than an embarrassed blush across his cheeks but then he felt wetness that was not from Yuliy’s mouth on his bare skin.

“Yuliy,” Viktor pushed the younger man away, “are you crying?” 

There wasn’t much need for the question, Yuliy’s tears were obvious.

“I’m so sorry, Yuliy.” Viktor kept his hands on the dark-eyed man’s shoulders, unsure how to comfort him. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Not your fault.” He gasped through tears, “I just– I can’t– we can’t–” 

Yuliy’s tears were coming harder now, his words coming with more and more difficulty as his breathing lost any rhythm. Viktor watched in near terror as his lover gasped for air as if being choked. He was still trying to gasp out explanations but they were less words and more sobbing sounds. 

He finally stumbled off the bed, leaving Viktor to watch in confusion as he struggled to fill a cup with water. His hands were shaking terribly and water spilled everywhere. The little Yuliy got into his cup was shakily brought to his mouth even as he felt lightheaded. Viktor had no idea what was happening or what to do, but this wasn’t the first time this had happened to Yuliy. He just needed to get his breathing under control before he passed out. Just in case, though, Yuliy sank to the floor with his cup in hand. 

With each tiny sip of water, his breathing came more under control until, after what seemed like an eternity, he was able to breath more normally. His tears were gone too, his body too tired for tears.

“Yuliy.” Viktor walked to where the younger man was sitting on the floor, sitting down too so he was on the same plane as him. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Yuliy told him in a small but even voice. “It’s just so impossible.”

“What’s impossible?” 

“Us.” Yuliy looked at Viktor, “This can’t go on forever. I’m 23, there’s no way I can put off my marriage any longer. With each excuse, my fiancé gets more and more angry.”

“Then let’s leave.” Viktor scooted closer to Yuliy, still not attempting to touch him. “Let’s run away together.” 

“It’s not that easy.” Yuily frowned, “You know it’s not that easy.”

“Why can’t it be? My sister can take over the family business and your fiancé can find a new husband-to-be.”

“Viktor, stop acting like a teenager.” Yuliy shook his head, “There’s more resting on my marrying her than just…” He took a shaky breath. “I’m not from a rich family. My parents own a small inn. The Vasiliev family was looking for someone to marry their daughter. Someone who would take the Vasiliev name without fighting. Someone who was quiet and knew how to stay in their place. I fit the bill exactly. My parents didn’t want me to go but I insisted. They’d promised to keep my parent comfortable for the rest of their lives.” Yuliy laid down so his head was resting in Viktor’s lap, the older man waiting only a moment before running his fingers through Yuliy’s short, dark hair. “Most importantly to me, they promised not only to bring my sister here to live a lavish life but they agreed to pay for her to get the best education money could buy. My family didn’t have the money for any education above reading, writing, and basic math. But The Vasiliev’s were offering a better life for my sister.” Yuliy tilted his head to look at Viktor. “Do you understand why I can’t just leave? This is my sister’s only chance at a better life and I have to make some sacrifices to get her there, I’ll do so gladly.” 

“It’s not your duty to give up everything for others.” Viktor sighed, knowing he also had things he was supposed to do. People he was supposed to make sacrifices for. When he continued speaking he was surprised by how quiet and small his own voice was. “I have to take over the bakery, my family wants me to. More than that, they want me to find a wife and start a family. But I don’t want any of that. I want–” He knew he shouldn’t say it. “I want you.”

“I know.” More tears leaked out of Yuliy’s eyes, “I want you too.”

Leaning down, Viktor pressed a kiss into Yuliy’s mouth. It was chaste and short, nothing like their kisses from earlier, but it said a lot. It said all the things Viktor didn’t know how to say. 

Things about how he understood if Yuliy wanted to end thing. Things about how much Viktor was willing to give up for Yuliy. Things about how he still wanted to run away with Yuliy.

“Viktor…” Yuliy sat up, positioning himself in Viktor lap so he could lean close to his lover’s face. “How about this. Let’s prepare to leave on your birthday. We won’t decide until then and we’ll keep meeting like always but… let’s plan to make that decision on your birthday. Okay?”

Viktor nodded, but he didn’t need the time. Even with all the things he knew he shouldn’t ignore, he would leave with Yuliy now if the younger man asked him. Viktor would do much of anything his lover asked him to do. 

Yuliy nodded in response, trying to steel his resolve, before bridging the small distance between their mouths. In case they decided to end this on Christmas, Yuliy wanted to get in as much time with Viktor as possible. He wanted to spend as much time possible in a state of being barely two people.

He wanted everything because he knew there was a good chance that soon, he would have nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I feel dumb. I just decided to do a rough timeline of events and realized while I set this in summer, given the first chapter happens on Yuuri's b-day, that is impossible unless there is some really big time skip I'm missing :P SOOOOO... I'm going to go back and edit a few chapters (15&22 being the two I can think of right now that mention it being summer. At least I wrote it as a cold summer)
> 
> I'm really sorry this fic just keeps going, but I think I finally have a finished outline. I think it'll be 40 chapters. No promises on that, but right now I don't see this being any longer than that, only shorter.


	24. The Past Will Burn Me Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past is made of flames and he was throwing himself right into them. He didn't want to burn, didn't want to feel the pain.
> 
> He just wanted to forget.

If a ghost could wake up in a cold sweat, that’s exactly what Viktor would have done. Sure, nothing that bad had happened in his memories but there was a sense of impending doom clinging to his mind. It was like he knew what was coming next and didn’t want to relive it. 

He was afraid of what came next. He didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to relive the pain he knew had to be coming.

He was afraid. 

\---

It wasn’t like Viktor to be this late. Sure, lately he’d sometimes come in late but it was two hours past when he was supposed to take over for Mila and she was becoming concerned. She was especially concerned because she knew Yuuri and Viktor had stayed here last night. Yuri had been very clear in his disgust with having to see Yuuri slip down the stairs and out the front door in slightly disheveled clothes. 

“Viktor?” Mila called up the stairs, hoping Viktor had just lost track of time. It wouldn’t be the first time his bad memory rendered him seemingly ditzy. “You’re late for your shift.”

When her words were only met with silence, Mila sighed and headed upstairs. Business was slow at this time of day and it wouldn’t take long to check on Viktor.

“Viktor?” Mila didn’t see him in the kitchen area or the bathroom, finally knocking on his bedroom door. “Are you in there?”

Again, there was only silence. She finally decided to push open the door. Maybe he was still resting.

But when the door swung open, Mila was met with an empty room. 

“Viktor?” Mila would have seen him leave, or at least felt it. And she was pretty sure she could still feel his energy close by. “Viktor?”

That’s when she noticed a pair of shoes sticking out from the end of Viktor bed. She moved to the edge of the bed, peering down to find Viktor scrunched into the small space between the bed and the wall, hugging his knees tightly to his chest. 

It wasn’t really big enough for him, his elbows poked through bed and wall, but he didn’t seem to mind. He was breathing heavily, his eyes squeezed shut like he was trying not to cry. If ghosts could cry, Mila was sure he’d be sobbing. She was frozen in fear for a few moments, she’d never seen him like this. A sob-like sound from Viktor finally brought her back to her mind. 

“Viktor?” She crouched down in front of the ghost. “Hey, talk to me.”

He opened his eyes, raising his head to look at Mila. For a long time, his eyes held a look of nonrecognition as if he was stuck in a dream that Mila wasn’t part of. 

“Viktor, what happened?”

There was a long silence before Viktor’s eyes turned sad but at least looked like they knew where and when he was. He gasped out another sob before he was able to take a deep breath and speak. 

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“What?”

“I don’t want to remember anymore.” His breath caught again. “I hate this so much. I have to relive this again when I just want to forget.”

“Viktor–”

“Mila, I don’t think you understand how much this hurts.” He squeezed his eyes shut again, “It hurts so much.”

“What happened? Talk to me.”

“Nothing that bad has happened. I just– I know something is going to happen soon. I can feel it and I don’t want to know. It’s going to hurt and I know it’s going to hurt and I don’t want it to hurt.” Another sob. “Mila, I don’t want to feel this anymore.”

“Viktor…” Mila had so many things she wanted to say but she didn’t know if any of them would help. She doubted any of them would help. “If you don’t come to terms with this, if you don’t face your past, you’ll–”

“I’ll disappear, I know.” Mila didn’t try to hide her surprised, “I heard you telling Yakov. I know you didn’t want me to do this because of that so you never told me but that was never why I did it. I wanted to be able to remember. What if my memory got so bad that I started to forget Yakov or you or Yura? What if I started to forget Yuuri?”

“Then you understand why–”

“I can’t!” Mila rocked backward, losing her balance and falling into a sitting position. “I don’t want to disappear, not when I promised Yuuri I’d stay with him. But I can’t– I don’t–” He buried his face in his hands. “I don’t want to know anymore.”

“Viktor, I know it hurts but they’re only memories.” 

“But they aren’t just memories, they don’t feel that way. Every time I remember one of these memories it’s like I’m really there. To remember them I have to relive them and it hurts so badly. I can feel that everything is going to end horribly and I don’t want to relive it. I don’t want to know.”

“Have you…” Mila felt like an idiot. She was an ancient forest nymph, comforting a human ghost shouldn’t be this hard. But it was hard because, for all her ability to blend in with mortals, she was still a little unsure of how to help. She knew what it was like to lose things. She knew what it was like to lose people. She knew what it was like to love. She knew what it was like to blink and suddenly find everything has shifted. “Have you talked to Yuuri?” 

“I didn’t tell him about this one.” Mila guessed he was talking about whatever memory had triggered this reaction. “It wasn’t even that bad. But I can tell that it’s going to keep getting worse.”

“Yuuri wants to help and he wants you to talk to him.”

“I know.” Viktor whispered, looking up from his hands. “But it’s hard. I just want him to be happy. He shouldn’t have to relive something only his soul remembers.” 

“Viktor, what’s the worst thing that could happen by remembering.” 

“Yuliy leaving me. Yuliy having to watch me die. Something happening to Yuliy’s sister.” Mila tilted her head to the side, questioning silently who Yuliy was. “Yuliy is Yuuri’s past life. He and I were lovers but he was engaged and I was supposed to get married and start a family. We both knew we were doomed but now I’m afraid of how this will all end. I have to die at some point.”

“Viktor… come here.” Mila opened her arms and gestured or the tall ghost to come over. He obliged, letting the hard coldness of his solid form be folded into Mila’s strong arms. “Talk to Yuuri. He wants to be there for you. You don’t have to do this all on your own and if you want to slow down, that’s fine. You have time.” 

Viktor knew his little sister had never been this close to him and he was glad to have someone he felt he could call family. At least he thought this was what it was like to have a loving big sister. 

“Thank you, Mila.”

“Anytime, Vitya.” She pulled away to give him a smile, “Us old people have to stick together.”

Viktor laughed at this, the laugh sounding like that of someone still crying but who was also finally having their spirits raised. 

“Now you’ve got work. Yakov will kill me if he finds out we left the store unattended for this long.”

Viktor nodded, still unsure what he would do about his memories but more sure that no matter what, he’d be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot woot, really think I've got the entire thing outline now.
> 
> I really enjoy this chapter title and almost want to use it as the name for a fic. No idea what that fic would be about, but I like it– oh goodness I thought of where I could use it. But given I use it in here I might not...
> 
> \---
> 
> Okay, so I'm an idiot and accidentally hurt one of my fingers pretty bad. I'll be fine but typing is a little hard. I have a buffer that will last me until Wednesday but the chapter I'm currently working on is p long and there's a good chance I won't be able to finish it in a week thanks to this stupid injury. And then, after that, I'm going away for the weekend so no work will get done. All-in-all, there's a chance I'll either only post on M next week or I'll post MF. More info will come on Monday, once I see how typing goes with this stupid thing.


	25. Christophe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris loved lavender green tea and he loved that Luca drank coffee with too much milk.

Chris couldn’t say how long the knocking was going on before he noticed it especially since he didn’t notice it until there was a voice accompanying it. 

“Chris, I know you’re home. Let me in.” 

Luca.

“One second.” He called standing and moving slowly to the front door. He took as long as he could to unlock the door before finally swinging it open.

Luca was standing in his doorway, tapping his foot in an unusual show of impatience. He handed a warm to-go cup to Chris before moving around him to get into the apartment. Chris blinked, closing and locking his door before turning to find Luca on the floor playing with Ester. 

“Hello?”

“Who’s a good kitty?” He pet her as the cat purred.

“Luca?”

“You’ve been avoiding me and I thought it was time we talked about it.” He didn’t look up at Chris, intent on petting Ester. “You keep claiming it has nothing to do with the night we went drinking together but we both know that’s a lie.”

“You don’t understand–”

“Not, I don’t.” Now he looked up at Chris, no judgment in his eyes over the fact that Chris looked more disheveled than he’d ever seen him. And he’d seen Chris too drunk to find his own apartment. He’d only seen Chris in his glasses once before and now not only was he wearing glasses, but also a pair of old sweatpants and an ill-fitting white t-shirt. “But I want to.”

“It’s complicated, okay?” 

“Okay. Explain it to me.”

“No, Luca.” Chris was getting frustrated. But he wasn’t so much frustrated with Luca as he was with himself. Why couldn’t this be easier? “I can’t.”

“Why? I thought we were close but you’ve been pushing me away. If this is about how strong I came on that night, I want to know. But you keep insisting that nothing is wrong and nothing happened that night that you regretted.”

“We didn’t do anything that night.”

“But we were going to.” Luca refused to break eye contact and Chris found he was having difficulty doing the honors. “And we need to talk about it. We’re adults and we can talk about sex.” 

“C– can we at least not do it while you’re sitting on my floor.”

“Let’s go to the table then.” Luca glanced over to the kitchen table, forgetting that Chris only had one chair. “I guess we’ll have to go to the couch.” 

\---

The couch was too small for this conversation. Chris wanted to put as much space between him and Luca as possible but instead, they sat shoulders touching and knees occasionally bumping. 

“I like you.” Luca was getting right to the point as Chris took a big sip of the tea Luca had brought him. It was lavender green tea, his favorite. He didn’t know when Luca learned what his favorite tea was just like he didn’t know when he’d learned he had a cat. They hadn’t been friends for long and it seemed like Luca knew so much about him. More than Chris knew about himself sometimes. “But I shouldn’t have acted on my feelings while we were drunk. That was a bad decision and take full responsibility.” 

There was a long silence in which the only sounds were the clack of Ester’s claws on hardwood and the electrical hum of Chris’ apartment. 

“I thought you liked me too.” Luca continued, “But I shouldn’t have assumed. I want to be friends and I don’t want there to be this distance between us. You can tell me anything and I won’t act on my feelings. I won’t try to force you into anything. I just want to be your friend. I don’t– Chris!” Luca grabbed Chris’ chin, turning his face up. “Why are you crying?”

Why was he crying? Chris wasn’t sure himself. Maybe it was the overwhelming feelings fighting for control or maybe it was the fact that for all the times he’d admitted he knew Luca liked him, it felt different to hear it from the person. Maybe it was because he was thinking of the now too long line of brown haired, and often green-eyed, men he’d slept with. Maybe it was because he had lost control of his life a long time ago but was only now realizing just how much. 

“Chris, please talk to me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Luca.” Was all he could manage, feeling strangely detached from his own tears even as they made it difficult to speak. “And that’s all I’ll do.”

“Rejecting me won’t–”

“You don’t understand.” Chris interrupted, voice a whisper that hitched irritably in volume when a sob caught in his throat. “It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.”

“I know I don’t understand!” Luca rarely got frustrated but he’d convinced himself this conversation would be easier than this. He should have known it wouldn’t be, but that thought was the only way he’d gotten up the confidence to come up here. “But I can’t understand if you don’t explain.” 

“I don’t want you to understand.” Chris admitted, pulling his chin from Luca’s grip so he could stare at the cup in his hands. “I just want you to stop trying because you’ll get hurt and it’ll be my fault and I can’t deal with that.”

“I’m not leaving until you explain.” Chris didn’t expect Luca to be so obstinate. The brown haired man had ever acted like this with him. “I’m your friend and I’m not going to let you suffocate under whatever baggage you have.”

Ester jumped up onto Chris’ lap, almost knocking the tea out of his hand, and meowed up at him. It was as if she was trying to tell him something even though he couldn’t quite put his finger on what she wanted from him. In reality, she was probably just hungry but Chris liked to think his cat was smarter than that. He liked to think she knew something was up with her daddy because he’d barely left the apartment in the last few weeks and when he did, he’d leave at night and come home in the morning smelling like strangers. 

“Do I have to?” Chris whispered, petting Ester with one hand while his other had a shaky grip on his tea.

“No.” Chris looked up but now Luca was looking down, looking at his lap. His drink was on the side table and Chris wondered what he’d gotten. He guessed it was coffee since that’s all he’d ever seen Luca drink. Coffee with too much milk but no sugar. So much milk it almost turned the coffee white and he needed two cups to divide up the coffee. But he only had one cup so maybe it wasn’t coffee. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’ve pushed enough and now it’s up to you. If you really don’t want to tell me, I’ll leave.” He closed his eyes, face serene. “I just wanted to make sure you knew I would listen no matter what you had to say.” 

But there was only silence following Luca’s words. Silence from Luca, waiting for Chris’ answer. Silence from Chris, waiting for answers to show themselves. 

Then the silence was broken by a sigh from Luca, resigned and tired, before he stood and grabbed his cup. 

Chris wanted to know what was in that cup so badly. 

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Luca walked towards the door, trying the doorknob before remembering it was locked. Chris watched him unlock it and open the door. He was stepping out into the hallway now. 

What was in that cup?

“I’m not human.” Chris stood, his voice raised so Luca could hear him. Ester gave an annoyed meow at being thrown off Chris’ lap, slinking to Chris’ bed instead. She wasn’t technically allowed on the bed but Chris had stopped scolding her a long time ago. He liked having a warm, breathing creature close to him when he slept. “Stories would call me a demon and… and they’d say I can’t be trusted near humans. I– I don’t know if they’re wrong. I’m afraid they’re right. That’s why I pushed you away. I was afraid I’d do something I’d regret. Something that would hurt you.” 

Luca returned slowly, closing the door but not locking it. He got closer to Chris than Chris expected him to. He’d put his drink down onto a kitchen counter before he arrived so close to Chris, so far into his personal bubble.

He raised one hand to touch Chris’ cheek with all the softness that Chris would expect. 

“Why do you think you’ll hurt me?”

“It’s what my people do.” Luca hated seeing Chris so unsure, so sad. He wanted him to laugh and smile like he had so often when they first met. His laugh was truly enchanting and Luca wished Chris didn’t have anything to frown about, wished he could spend his days with only laughter. “We use humans and end up hurting them. And other mortal beings, but mainly humans.”

“I don’t care what you are.” Luca kicked himself for the cliché but it was true. “All I care is that you’re the drunk idiot who wandered into my apartment then cooked me breakfast the next day as an apology even though he was terribly hungover.” His other hand joined his first, one hand on each of Chris’ cheeks. “I am in love with you.”

“Wh– what?” Chris’s cheeks flushed red, his concerns pushed away from a moment. “Th– that’s sudden, isn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t say so.” Luca leaned forward, his forehead touching Chris’. “I’ve known for a while.” 

“Don’t you want to know about me? About what I was talking about.”

“Of course I do.” Luca pulled away slightly. “But it won’t change the fact that I’m in love with you.” 

There was only a breath of silence before Chris found his voice, “I love you, Luca.”

Luca smiled, pushing Chris towards the couch. Before they reached it, Luca had his mouth on Chris’ and then they were tumbling backward, Chris laying on the couch with Luca half on the couch and off. They kissed until they were breathless and when Luca pulled away to breathe, Chris pulled him back down so they were cuddling on the too small couch.

“I’m a… I’m an incubus. My family told me I’d never find love with a human because our kind is better than humans. I was told humans were just tools for us to use. It took me years to finally leave my family and community behind to come here. Yuuri and Phichit were so nice to me, even though I had tried to seduce Yuuri when we first met. I know it’s wrong to play with people’s emotions but I never actually take it anywhere. And if I actually– with you– I never–”

“I know.” Luca whispered. “I know what I feel and it has nothing to do with you.” He giggled, a sound Chris had never heard but really liked. Sure, Chris had heard Luca laugh but never giggle, the sound quiet and bright. “Well it has a little to do with you, but not in that way.”

“I– let’s just take things slow, okay?” Chris could still feel his concerns pulling his mind and body away from Luca. “I mean, I really like being with you but I just want to be sure.”

Luca wiggled around to he was facing Chris, giving his a chaste kiss. “We’ll go at whatever pace you’re most comfortable with.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Anything for you.” Luca’s smile was tender.

Luca snuggled his face into Chris’ chest, breath warming his shirt in the way Chris liked. Chris knew that for all the sleeping around he did – which, on the whole, he didn’t regret – this was the place he wanted to be most. 

He slept better on that crowded, uncomfortable couch than he had in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, this feels a little rushed to me but they're unfortunately a less important plotline in this fic as they don't figure much into the end. Not in the way characters like Seung-gil or Otabek or Guang Hong will...
> 
> \---
> 
> Eeeehhhhh, so my finger is still mildly fucked. I can type (as you can tell by the fact that I am, in fact, typing this) but it takes more time and I have to rest my hand more often so as to not cramp up my fingers. So fun stuffs.
> 
> Second, next week is Seungchuchu week and I've missed every other YOI theme week up to this point and I refuse to miss another one so I'm pumped. 
> 
> Those two things together, though, mean I that I will only have time to work on my stuff for Seungchuchu week. Also, I'm going to be out of town this coming weekend and won't be able to do any writing. 
> 
> That is all to say, I'm going to be update Monday (today) and Friday this week only and then I'm going to take next week off. Next chapter is actually a pretty good pause point so I thought that would work out. Also, ch 27 will probably be a little longer than my usual chapters so simply thanks to my stupid finger, it's going to take a while to type. 
> 
> Thanks for your understanding!


	26. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was nice to pretend, if only for a couple of hours. They were brothers, after all, and brothers let each other pretend.

All three young men sat staring at each other, their eyes flitting from one friend to the other ever couple of seconds. 

Phichit was the first to crack a smile, “I guess the three of us have a lot to talk about.”

“We’ve all been pretty bad friends the past month or two.” Yuuri scratched back of his neck. “Me especially. I’m sorry for making you feel guilty, Phichit. And Chris, I’m sorry for not letting you help more. Also sorry for pushing you when it came to Luca.”

Chris chuckled, “There’s really no need to apologize. I’m sorry for trying my best to push you both out, it really felt like the easiest way to deal with all this. I didn’t want to burden you two but that made your lives harder, I guess.” He smiled at Yuuri, “Are you doing better?”

“Yes.” He nodded slowly, “Not good, but better. I’m going to go home for a week or so around the 25th. I think I’ll ask Viktor to come if he’s up to it. But either way, I’m going to tell everyone at home.” Yuuri looked at his lap, noticing he was picking at his cuticles of his the hands folded in his lap. “And I’ll call my therapist to see if she can fit me in or at least recommend someone else until she can.”

Phichit sniffled, earning him a concerned look from both other men. Their faces only grew more concerned when they saw he was crying.

“I’m sorry, I just love you guys so much.” He rubbed at his eyes like it would stop his tears. “You both mean so much to me. Even though I’ve been trying to pretend I’m okay you both knew I wasn’t and helped me to not drown.”

“So are you doing better?” Yuuri asked.

Phichit hummed an agreement, “Talking to Seung-gil made me realize how much you guys have been supporting me even when I was trying to stand by myself. He really helped me see how much you guys care about me.” He smiled to himself, “I was trying so hard to help both of you, I forgot about how important it is for us all to work through things together.”

“It’s adorable your boyfriend helped you figure out your friends cared about you.” Chris pouted. “Speaking of which, how are you two doing?”

“Seung-gil hasn’t been doing great since he talked with Prince Altin. The other night he was really out of it and when I tried to ask what was wrong we got in a fight and I stormed out. He followed me and promised we could talk though.” Phichit smiled, “He told me we could talk if I came inside because I’d stupidly left his apartment without my jacket or shoes.”

Chris snorted and Yuuri rolled his eyes, taking over the conversation. “How’s he doing then?”

“Well…” Phichit bit his lip, looking at the table, “We didn’t really get to talk.”

“Excuse me?” Yuuri raised an eyebrow and Chris was leaning forward, a mischievous smile painted on his lips. 

“Well, when I came back inside I was still really cold so Seung-gil had me lay down to put blankets on me and like, you know how cuddling provides body heat? We were doing that and… umm… well, we didn’t end up talking.”

Chris’ jaw nearly fell onto the table and Yuuri sighed, his exasperated face falling into his hands. 

“You guys did it?” Chris asked, Phichit’s sheepish smile confirming his suspicions without words. “How are you two the first of us to do it?”

Phichit’s face was already bright red but when Yuuri gave him a pointed, almost bored look his face only grew redder.

“And not only that, but you two fucked instead of having a conversation.”

“Don’t say it like that!” Phichit screeched, drawing the attention of the few patrons of this café who weren’t used to their loud conversations by now. “You make it sound so crude.”

“It is pretty crude, Phichit.” Chris pointed out, smirking as he tried not to burst out laughing.

“Chris!” Phichit whined, making Yuuri chuckle. He just glared at his dark-haired friend, "When did you get so crude and mean? Who corrupted my Yuuri? Was it Viktor or Chris?"

Yuuri rolled his eyes, refraining from pointing out that he was older than Phichit and was hardly an angel. “Really, Phichit, _making love_ instead of talking is the kind of thing I’d expect from Chris, not you.”

“Yuuri!” Chris feigned betrayal as Phichit burst out laughing, the sound finally getting to the other two men as they started to laugh too.

The mood was light and there wasn’t much that could bring them down now. Not while they were trying so hard to ignore the negatives so they could have a pleasant afternoon. 

Phichit’s sudden coughing fit did quite a bit to sour the mood, though.

“Phichit?” Yuuri felt himself panicking, “Phichit, are you okay.”

When the coughs passed, Phichit gave his friend a thumbs up and took a long drink of water.

“Sorry, I think being out in the cold the other night got me sick.” Yuuri gave him an unconvinced look and Phichit chuckled, “You’re not going to get rid of me that quickly, Yuuri. I’ve still got at least a few years left in me.”

Yuuri sighed, leaning back in his chair and letting himself smile. “Sorry, you know how I tend to overreact a little.” 

“It’s understandable in this case.” Phichit smirked, “And, really, we keep you around for your overreaction. Without you, I would never have gone to the hospital that time I broke my wrist and Chris would have let that creepy-ass serial killer looking guy go back to his apartment.”

Yuuri stuck his tongue out at the shorter man, “I’m glad I can be both your moms.”

Yuuri’s phone buzzed and he was quick to check it when he saw the message was from Mila.

_Mila/Viktor: Hey. Viktor asked me to text you asking you to come over today. He has some stuff he wants to talk about._

_Yuuri Katsuki: Tell him I’ll be over later tonight._

“Who was that?” Chris asked when Yuuri put his phone away, a frown making its home on his lips. 

“Mila. She sends me texts for Viktor.”

“How is that pretty boy?” Chris asked with a chuckle. Even though Chris and Viktor hadn’t been able to spend much time together in the last month or two, they both seemed close. Their personalities meshed well together and even within the short time they spent together after they first met, they’d become thick as thieves. 

“Could be better. He’s been acting a little… skittish as of late.” Yuuri sighed at his phone, “I’m hoping he tells me what’s wrong tonight.”

“Guess we're in a similar boat.” Phichit smirked at Yuuri, “Two boyfriends who can’t talk about their problems.” 

“Hey, don’t group me in with you two!” Yuuri smirked right back at Phichit, “Your boyfriend was willing to talk and you distracted him.”

“Hey!” And all three of them were laughing and bickering again, like before everything happened. Before everything started falling apart.

For a handful of hours, all three of them could pretend their lives were not much different than they had been before Yuuri injured himself or before Phichit tried to be the best friend a guy could ask for. They could pretend they were just normal guys with a couple of normal, attractive, and interesting boyfriends. 

Even with Phichit’s getting sick, Chris’ still looking dead tired from his long stint of little sleep, and Yuuri’s constant body temperature they could all pretend for just a little while that everything was fine. They could pretend that nothing bad or tragic or heartbreaking might happen in the not so distant future. 

Even for a handful of hours, it was nice to pretend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here on out there isn't going to be much slowing down until the end, so buckle up :P
> 
> \---
> 
> Reminder: This fic will be on hiatus for at least a week. I'm also having some trouble with next chapter so it's hard to say if it'll only be a week but I'm going to try to post again on 5/29 (eastern time).


	27. Rushing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri isn't about to rush Viktor into his memories, not when they seem to hurt him so much.
> 
> Yuliy isn't about to let Viktor go before they experience everything together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll start off by pointing out I increased the rating. I'll continue by saying that there really isn't that much in the way of adult content. I just decided better safe than sorry but, seriously, there's basically nothing. Like it's not talked about in ANY detail. Or really talked about much more than "this is a thing that happened"
> 
> Really the main reason for the increase is the numerous self-destructive behaviors exhibited in this chapter. 
> 
> Also, this chapter contains someone having a panic attack so watch out for that.

The man behind the cash register tonight was not someone Yuuri had met before. He was all sharp lines and gruff age, his face set in an unpleasant grimace that Yuuri imagined rarely lifted. 

“Hello, is Viktor upstairs?” 

“Who are you?” The man narrowed his eyes, giving Yuuri an appraising look. 

“Yuuri…” He bit his lip, “I’m, umm, Viktor’s boyfriend?”

“Are you asking me?” His eyes narrowed and Yuuri straightened his back. This had to be Yakov. Yuuri had met half of Viktor’s coworkers and of those he had left to meet, he was pretty sure this man wasn’t Georgi. 

“Umm, no! I’m Viktor’s boyfriend.” 

“Better.” Surprisingly, he smiled. “I’m Yakov Feltsman and I own this store. Thank you for taking care of Vitya.” 

“Anytime, Sir.” Yuuri was kicking himself for that response. “It’s my pleasure!” 

Yakov raised an eyebrow and Yuuri’s felt his face heat up.

“No, that wasn’t what I meant.” Yuuri groaned but remembered something. “Mr. Feltsman?”

“What do you need?”

“You’re immortal, right?”

“Vitya told you?”

“Yes… I don't know if he’s talked to you about me but I… umm… I recently… well…”

“Spit it out, boy!” Yuuri flinched a little at Yakov’s raised voice and the old immortal sighed, relaxing his face a little. “Just explain.” 

“A few months ago I was… umm… cursed with immortality.”

Yakov chuckled, the sound low and surprisingly amiable. “Who’d you piss off?”

“Oh, nobody. It was an accident.” That won him another raised eyebrow, “I know it sounds strange but it was… I guess I was wondering how you dealt with it.”

“Well, I was a bit older than you when it happened. And mine was a curse, which is why my body continued aging for a while. She didn’t just want me to be immortal, she wanted me to be old too.” He chuckled again, almost smiling as he told this story. Yuuri wasn’t sure he understood how the old immortal could be so unconcerned but he guessed, or maybe he hoped, it was just something that came with age. “I’m sure Vitya told you the story of why she did it. At that point, I’d seen a lot of people I cared about die already. Nikolai was like a brother and his kid, Yura’s mother, was like a niece to me. Then Yura died too…” He shook his head, “That family has had a long line of black luck and I’ve watched it play out. My parents dying was sad but it was something I’d already been preparing for. I really didn’t have that many friends outside of the Plisetsky family. Lilia and I might have been separated and not on great terms when she died, but that hurt.” He looked a little sad, and maybe a little wistful, before his face returned to the stoic sharpness it had before. “It’s not easy, I won’t lie, but you have people who care about you who will be around. Enjoy the time you have with the mortals and don’t let your immortal friendships die.” Another small smile, “Now go on upstairs, Vitya is probably getting antsy.”

Yuuri nodded, returning the smile. “Thank you, sir.”

“Yakov, please.”

“Yakov.” Yuuri nodded, “Thank you.” 

\---

They didn’t talk for a long while. Yuuri had a million things he wanted to say but had no clue how to say them. For now, Viktor seemed content leaning his cold forehead against Yuuri’s chest.

“Hey, Viktor.” Yuuri murmured, rubbing a hand against Viktor’s back even if he knew it didn’t do much for him given his lack of human sensations. Viktor told him that even though what he felt was really only pressure, he still liked knowing Yuuri was there. “If you’re too tired it’s fine, but on the 24th I’m going to be leaving to visit home for a week and I’d love for you to come meet everyone.”

“You really want me to come?” He asked, not picking his head up.

“Yah, I really do. But only if you’re up to it.” Yuuri could tell Viktor was tired, reliving his past starting to take quite a toll on him. He didn’t want Viktor to come along if he wasn’t up to it because Yuuri didn’t want him to have to deal with the stress of Yuuri telling his family and friends about his immortality. “I want them to meet you and I know they’ll love you.” 

“I would love to meet them.”

“You don’t have to decide now.” Yuuri pulled Viktor closer, “If you’re too tired you can meet them another time, okay?”

He nodded against Yuuri chest, “Okay.”

They both fell silent, Yuuri listening as a loud group entered the store downstairs. They didn’t stay long though, either knowing exactly what they wanted or leaving without buying. Yuuri smiled at the memory of his first interaction with Viktor, he really didn’t count the first time they met as their first interaction given they barely talked and hadn’t even asked each other’s names. Their first interaction was an embarrassing memory, that was for sure, but he still liked it. 

He never did dance with Viktor.

“Viktor, did you want to talk about something?” Yuuri bit his lip, “You don’t have to talk about it but I’m here to listen.” 

“I know.” Viktor’s voice was so small and Yuuri thought he heard fear in it. “I just don't know where to start.”

“Wherever is easiest.”

“I didn’t tell you about the… memory from after dinner the other night. I know things are coming to an end soon, I can feel it. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen next. And it’s so hard to remember he isn’t you… I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be rude it’s just… my mind has trouble, especially when I first come out of the memory. It all feels so real…”

Yuuri sat up, pulling Viktor partway into his lap so he could look the ghost in the eyes. 

“Hey, listen, it’s okay.” He leaned forward, touching their foreheads together. “We can take it slow if you need, okay?”

Viktor nodded, wishing he could cry. He was pretty sure crying would help him feel better but he was stuck with this useless non-body that couldn’t even do that. 

Even without tears, his voice managed to be uneven and weak. “It really hurts. When Yuliy left the first time, it hurt so much. Now he’s back but I know it can’t last because… well, obviously it can’t last. I don’t want him to leave again.”

“I can’t promise you anything,” Yuuri spoke slowly, “but I don’t think he’s going to leave you again. I really don’t.”

Viktor slid his chin down to rest it on Yuuri’s shoulder. 

“How are you, Yuuri? It’s been so about me lately and… are you okay?”

Yuuri shrugged lightly, careful of Viktor’s place on his shoulder. 

“It’s easier, I think I’m starting to get used to it. I don’t think about it all the time, you know? But it’s still hard to think about. I already had… issues with fixating on the fact that people I cared about would die at some point but… I guess this just makes it worse because now even people I thought might outlive me are going to die too.”

Viktor sucked in a deep breath, or at least made the sound that usually accompanied that action. “I’m here for you, okay?”

“I know.”

\---

Yuliy arrived like a whirlwind, nothing left of the calm demeanor Viktor had gotten used to. The young man Viktor had first fallen for seemed to be gone, replaced by someone who’s mind was working three steps into the future. 

Sophie had given Viktor some tips when he asked about the way Yuliy had panicked last time they were together. Sophie had berated Viktor for not doing anything the first time but eventually gave him some tips. Apparently, an old friend of hers had dealt with something similar and she explained the way she’d coped and what Sophia had been able to do for her. 

Viktor hoped he wouldn’t have to put his knowledge to the test. 

“Yuliy, hey, what’s up?” Viktor looked at him worriedly as the other man wrapped his arms around Viktor’s neck. 

“I just missed you.” He said, kissing Viktor with a level of urgency the taller man couldn’t understand. “I missed you so much.”

“Yuliy?” The dark-featured man pushed Viktor into a sitting position on the bed and began to tug at his shirt. “Yuliy!”

“Viktor, isn’t this what you wanted?”

“Yes.” Yuliy continued to pull at Viktor’s shirt, finally pulling it off of him. “But what about you?” Yuliy didn’t pause, his lips back on Viktor’s skin. For a moment Viktor wanted to just let Yuliy be but he felt like this was so off. Pushing his lover away, he tried to look the man in the eyes but to no avail. Yuliy just wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Yuliy, answer me.”

“Yes, of course.” Yuliy didn’t look sure to Viktor and he felt conflicted. “Please, Viktor.” The pleading look in Yuliy’s eyes rivaled the urgency that was so worrying to Viktor. “Vitya, please.” 

Viktor would be lying if he said hearing Yuliy call him Vitya didn’t make him shiver. It wasn’t the name itself, his entire family called him Vitya, but instead the way he said it coupled with the fact that he’d never called him anything but Viktor. 

Maybe he should have recognized that as another sign this wasn’t right but Viktor would be the first to admit he didn’t always make the best decisions. And, really, it wasn’t up to him to monitor Yuliy’s behavior. If he said yes, then what else could Viktor do? 

At least that would be his excuse later because right now he had stopped thinking about his concerns and started thinking about how nice it felt to have Yuliy’s lips on his bare chest. Or how he hadn’t expected Yuliy to lean close to his ear to whisper to him, “What do you want?”

In an attempt to not sound like a stuttering, teenage virgin Viktor found he sounded instead like a naive, stuttering, adult virgin. 

“Umm… well…” If Viktor hadn’t already felt like an idiot, he did now. “I want… umm… you?” 

Yuliy smiled, soft and nonjudgmental, putting Viktor at least partially at ease. He was glad when Yuliy took the lead and started asking less general questions. Viktor briefly wondered where Yuliy had gotten the experience he obviously had but soon enough he wasn’t thinking so much about that. At least not so eloquently. 

And as quickly as Yuliy started this, Viktor finished it. Or maybe the verb still belonged to Yuliy, since he’d really been the one to finish things for Viktor and Viktor hadn’t finished _anything_ for Yuliy. When the younger man got up to go to the bathroom, Viktor felt bad knowing he’d done nothing to take care of his partner. He was pretty sure whatever it was Yuliy had been expecting or wanting, he hadn’t gotten it from this encounter. 

When Yuliy returned, Viktor was drifting off and only woke up when the bed tilted to the side and a click could be heard. His eyes fluttered open and he blinked a few times, wondering if this was a dream because next to him Yuliy was smoking.

“Yuliy?” 

“Sorry, I should have asked first.” He moved to put out the cigarette but Viktor waved him away, sitting up. As he did, he pulled blankets over himself, feeling strangely self-conscious about his body at the moment. “You know, some doctors have been saying smoking is bad for you.”

“I know.” Yuliy didn’t look down at Viktor, who shied away from the man a little. He’d never expected Yuliy to act so cold. 

“They can kill you.”

“Why do you think I started smoking?” The silence that spread between them was horrible, tears pricking at the corners of Viktor’s eyes as he looked at Yuliy. Silently, he willed Yuliy to look at him but it didn’t work. Finally, he broke the silence with his unsteady voice. 

“Yuliy, what’s wrong?” 

Viktor would never have known that Yuliy had, at some point, put up a strong and carefully built facade if it wasn’t for the small crack that formed in it at that moment. So when Yuliy didn’t respond, the only indication he heard being his slightly faster breathing, Viktor tried again.

“Yuliy, are you okay?” 

He turned slowly to look at Viktor, his eyes no longer indifferent. Instead, they were afraid. 

Yuliy opened his mouth but all he got out before his voice hitched was, “I–”

Then it was over. 

“Yuliy?” Viktor asked, alarm in his voice when Yuliy’s breathing picked up even more. There were tears already running down his cheeks and he was trying to gasp out words that wouldn’t come. “Yuliy!” 

Done waiting for a response, Viktor told Yuliy to stay put while he hurried to the sink, filling a glass halfway full with water, pulling on his underwear before he got back to where Yuliy was. He tried to breath himself, not wanting to make the situation worse by letting himself panic. It was hard, though, because he _was_ panicking. 

“Yuliy, hey, I got you some water.” 

He didn’t touch the other man, only reaching out with the cup so it was in Yuliy’s line of sight. With shaky hands, Yuliy took it, and brought it to his lips. He was only able to take a small sip before he pulled it away.

“Can I touch you?” Yuliy nodded and Viktor put a hand on his back, rubbing small circles there while Yuliy tried, mostly in vein, to get his breath under control. “Hey, you’re okay. I’m here for you. You’re safe here.” 

“I just– I just–” He took another sip of water, “I’m so scared. I don’t– We can’t– There isn’t–”

“You need to breathe, okay?” Yuliy nodded, taking another sip as he squeezed his eyes shut. “Don’t worry about explaining right now. I’m not going anywhere.” 

It took a long time for Yuliy to finally get enough air in his lungs to keep from passing out, which was a god sent since there had been a little bit of time when Viktor was seriously worried about whether or not he’d stay conscious. When he finally was able to breathe, he turned to press himself into Viktor chest. Viktor, again feeling a little awkward about their near nudity but pushed it away, hugging Yuliy tightly. He didn’t want to feel uncomfortable with this level of intimacy but it was all so foreign to him. That said, his urge to give Yuliy the love and protection he needed outweighing that awkwardness. 

“I’m so afraid,” Yuliy whispered, slightly muffled against Viktor’s chest. “I think my fiancé is on to me. She knows something is going on and I’m terrified of what she’s going to do if she figures out more.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“She has power and money and we have nothing.”

“We have each other, that’s not nothing.” 

“Viktor!” Viktor flinched at the loudness of Yuliy’s voice. “You know what I mean! Stop pretending everything is okay.”

“Everything will be okay.” Viktor’s voice was shaky. “No matter what, it’ll be okay.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I’m not going to leave you.” Viktor told him, “Even if we aren’t together, I’ll always be with you in spirit.” He didn’t feel like an idiot when he said this and, to be honest, he didn’t feel like one even after he said it. “Our souls are intertwined now, they’ll never forget each other.”

“Souls, really?” Yuliy shook his head, “You really believe in them?”

“I do.” Viktor smiled, “And I believe soulmates are chosen.”

“Chosen?”

“Yep.” He smiled, “And I’ve chosen you. We’ll be intertwined forever if you choose me too. Even if were far apart, even if we die and are reborn worlds apart, and even if we marry other people we’ll still be bonded. So,” He pushed his hand into Yuliy’s, intertwining their fingers as if he was demonstrating his words, “even if you’re alone or somehow without me, I’ll always be with you in spirit. How does that sound?”

Yuliy wanted to disagree, wanted to scream and shout at Viktor that they didn’t have time for this sappy bullshit. He wanted to explain to Viktor that they didn’t have the time for words and that’s why he was trying to take action. Why he needed to take actions. And, yet, part of him pulled towards Viktor. Maybe it was his soul or maybe it was just his hormonal response to being in love with the tall, blond, sappy idiot now smiling at him. 

“I guess that works for me.” Yuliy kept their fingers entwined even as he tilted forward, his forehead leaning against Viktor’s warm chest. “I’d do anything to stay with you forever.”

But was that true? 

Yuliy wasn’t sure that was completely true. Next time they met would be the day they had to decide. Next time would either be their goodbye or it would be the day they took only the necessities and ran somewhere else, somewhere safe. Yuliy could be with Viktor for the rest of his life if he wanted, assuming they made a clean escape, but would he? Could he? 

Could he really abandon all his responsibilities and abandon all the people who depended on him? 

“I won’t ever leave you.” Viktor repeated his promise. “Even death can’t tear us apart.”

“Don’t say that.” Yuliy pulled back to look at Viktor, worried about the plans he was making but the taller man only laughed.

“I didn’t mean anything by that; I just meant that even when we die, our souls will still be connected. Maybe they’d even still find enough other.” Viktor looked wistfully at Yuliy, “We’re soulmates now and forever. Or souls will spend every one of our lives trying to find the other. No matter what, we’re always entwined.” 

“‘Till the death of the universe do us part, then.” Yuliy laughed, trying to cover up his growing anxiety. 

“Not even that will end us.” Viktor kissed Yuliy, soft and careful. “Nothing can end this.”

But Yuliy doubted that was true, he questioned the statement's validity in the face of how horrible the world could be. What if they were torn apart violently. He, and probably Viktor, knew all too well this could end with one of them dead. If people found out that they were seeing each other like this it wouldn’t be good. Even if Yuliy wasn’t married it wouldn’t have been good, but with his engagement, the stakes were even higher. 

If one of them was ripped violently from this world, would their supposed connection last?

Yuliy shook his head of those thoughts, thinking how silly it was that he was even giving it much thought. He didn’t even think he believed in souls and now he was contemplating whether a some ‘soul bond’ could survive the hypothetical heat-death of his and Viktor relationship? 

He had decisions to make, they both did, but for a little longer, Yuliy decided to just find comfort in Viktor’s soft touches and warm body. Next time they met it would be in the park where they shared their first kiss and it would be there that Yuliy would have to decide if they'd leave together or if he'd run away again. But for now, for as long as 'a little longer' was, he let his breathing synch with Viktor's as they drifted off into an undisturbed sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY TWO WEEK HIATUS! 
> 
> First I had Seungchuchu week and then I had, well, writer's block. This chapter was the hardest chapter I had to write in this entire fic. I wanted there to be a little.... more to the *ahem* fucking, but I just... I can't write it. I'm just bad at even the lowest levels of smut so instead, I just did what I usually do and wrote around it. I'll be honest, I think it does hurt my writing, but I don't have the confidence to write smut nor the expertise. So, instead we have whatever the fuck this chapter was... I hate it but like, whatever at this point. I just need to get through it. 
> 
> Another note: FUCKING IS NOT A HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE TO TALKING ABOUT YOUR ISSUES AND I DON'T KNOW WHY I KEEP HAVING PEOPLE DO SO.
> 
> Last note, I swear. You'll notice I actually DECREASED the chapter count. While trying to write this chapter I decided to go to the end and write the last four chapters instead, since I knew what I wanted them to say. But then I wrote two and half of them and hated almost every word (almost 6K words RIP). I like the idea but it's WAY too melodramatic and I didn't like it as the ending tone. I've cut those chapters are reworked the story. Those chapters take place, I think, 12 years in the future. I love a lot of them but they didn't fit right. Let's just say, Luca and Chris have two adorable kids. I'm not going to say much more about them but I might release them as a separate fic because I like the story but I think it's too Seung-gil heavy for this fic. Also so melodramatic. I'll talk more about this when we actually get to the end of things because spoilers but that's the short (haha I don't know the meaning of that word, do I?) version. 
> 
> I think that's everything I wanted to tell you in this update :/
> 
> Oh, also I'm probably going to keep at MF update pattern because I'm working now and don't have as much time to write. But if I am able to get a buffer up I'll increase it again.
> 
> Thank you for your patience!


	28. How Hard is it to Say I Love You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When I die, God will count up the number of times I've said 'I love you' and even if I've only said it once, I want to say it to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I am back with the absurdly long chapter titles and bad/vauge/unnecessarily poetic chapter summaries.
> 
> \---
> 
> Look! I updated the summary and it actually fits the fic now :P

A sneeze rang out, surprising Phichit even though he’d been the one to sneeze. He let out a loud groan, cursing himself for leaving Seung-gil’s apartment wearing basically nothing. That groan caused him to start coughing so, all-in-all, it was a bad evening.

"This sucks." He almost groaned again, but caught himself. It wouldn't do to throw himself into another coughing fit. 

“ _Nam-chin_ , complaining isn’t going to make it better.”

“But I like complaining.” Seung-gil appeared with a dish that looked distinctly like something Phichit didn’t want to eat while sick. Sure, he liked spice as much as the next guy but that was a dangerous color and he wasn't sure his stomach would be up to much spice at all. “Are you sure that’s good for someone who’s sick?”

“Sure,” Seung-gil put the bowl down into Phichit’s lap, “Spice is could for clearing out your sinuses.”

“Fine.” He grumbled, “I guess this is better than that gross rice porridge Yuuri made me last time I was sick.” It had been incredibly tasteless and Phichit still shivered thinking about how terrible it had been. Yuuri had claimed it was easy on the stomach and so made great sick food but Phichit had to disagree given the tastelessness made him queasy. At least this dish had flavor. 

“Eat, you need your strength.” Seung-gil was looking at Phichit was a surprisingly concerned cloudiness to his eyes. 

“What?” Phichit asked after taking a bite of the dish. It wasn’t as spicy as he expected, though maybe he should have known that Seung-gil wasn’t currently trying to outdo him with the spiciness of a dish from his home country. They could do that later when Phichit wasn't sick.

“What?” Seung-gil parroted, the concern gone as he blinked at Phichit. 

“You are looking at me like I’m going to keel over at any point.”

“I’m just concerned for your wellbeing.” Seung-gil was fidgeting with the edge of the apron he was wearing. Phichit had bought it for him after he found out how much his boyfriend cooked and it had a cute husky on the front. That choice had been a no-brainer after Seung-gil off-handedly mentioned how much he missed his old husky, a friendly thing called Lilac.

“Well, I’m fine.” Phichit smiled, “And you don’t have to worry so much about me, really.” His smile fell, his face looking suddenly sad. “And, anyways, I’m more worried about you. We still never talked about what was wrong.”

“I guess we didn’t.” Seung-gil had been well aware of the fact that they’d neglected that conversation due to other distractions, but he also wasn’t about to be the one to bring it back up. For a moment, Seung-gil contemplated 'distracting' Phichit again but he threw that idea out quickly. Firstly, Phichit was very sick and that was probably made it not a good idea. Second, he had promised to have this talk. 

“So…?” Phichit scooted farther towards the wall, patting the space on the bed next to him. 

With a sigh, Seung-gil took off his apron and joined his boyfriend on the bed. Phichit pulled the blankets over both of them before continuing to eat his dinner, his eyes never leaving Seung-gil for more than a couple of seconds. 

“Could you remind me what the question was?” Seung-gil asked, wanting to be careful about how much he revealed. While he felt comfortable with Phichit and safe to tell the young man his secrets, Seung-gil also knew he had some things he had to keep secret. His life wasn’t exactly simple anymore and that meant there were secrets he had to keep from everyone, even Phichit. 

“I was wondering what was wrong,” Phichit explained, sneezing twice before he continued. “You were really out of it the other day and I was worried. I was wondering why.”

“It’s still Prince Altin.” Seung-gil admitted, “I didn’t anticipate his… words to stay with me like this but they became unhelpfully hard to forget the more I thought about them.” 

“What exactly did he say that messed you up so badly?”

“I’ve told you about my soul.” Phichit wanted to groan. He really didn’t think all the talk of souls meant as much as everyone insisted it did. “People with souls like mine fall into two categories. Bad luck and bad people. Either way, we always end up hurting the people closest to us. The last few lives I’ve lived I’ve been able to stop my bad luck from directly hurting people but in the pursuit of less pain for other people, I tend to get myself killed. There have been some lives where I take a role more like that of a bad person, but there’s only one or two of those and they’re pretty hazy. In those, I usually hurt the person I’m closest with because I don’t know anything but pain and suffering.”

“Why are you dwelling so much on your past lives?” Phichit asked, “Most people don’t remember their past lives and they do just fine.”

“Even if I couldn’t remember them, it would still be the same,” Seung-gil explained, even though that was completely true, even if the half-truth part of this equation was insignificant enough to keep the result mostly the same. “I’m pretty sure this time I’m not a bad person so I must be bad luck. And people know that. They can feel it. That’s why I’ve spent every past life being thrown out. I’ve spent every one not fitting in but also not standing out. I existed, but both without taking up space and also never fitting into any of the openings made for people to slip into.”

Phichit gave his boyfriend a look, one that Seung-gil had come to read as ‘your being esoteric.’ 

“My soul gives me bad luck and the best case scenario for my positive relationships is that the other person gets bored and leaves.” Seung-gil sighed, the sound foreign to him given how rarely he sighed. “The truth is, what Altin said didn’t mean much. He said it out of fear and a hope that he could push me in a certain direction. The reason I can’t let it go is that I already knew– already thought it was true.”

“ _Yxd rạk_.” Phichit breathed sadly, not saying anything else.

“I never felt like I deserved your friendship, let alone the relationship we have now. I do tend to… sabotage my relationships. And myself in general.” It did feel good to say this out loud, especially to Phichit. “I’m afraid I don’t deserve you because I know how screwed up I am and if you really only have a short time left, I’d rather you spend it with someone worthwhile.”

Silence drew out between them and Seung-gil contemplated what he could have said wrong. He thought about all the things he’d said and how he probably shouldn’t have said any of them. He shouldn’t have even thought them. 

“I love you.” Phichit finally said, “And it kind of hurts that you don’t think my spending time with you is worthwhile. Isn’t that my choice to make?”

But Seung-gil was still caught on the ‘I love you.’ Neither of them had said those words yet and for Phichit to say them so suddenly and with such little fanfare felt strange to Seung-gil. 

“What?” Phichit asked, obviously unaware of the admission Seung-gil had so clearly heard. 

“You… umm… you said…” Phichit tilted his head, confused by Seung-gil’s red cheeks. “Never mind.” He tried to collect his thoughts, but it was hard. “It does mean a lot that you say that.”

“Well, I mean it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, not matter how long that is.” He leaned over and gave Seung-gil a small kiss, “And you are one hundred percent worthy and deserving of this relationship.”

Seung-gil was going to respond something, his face showing a small smile, when Phichit found himself in a coughing fit. The smile dissolved and Seung-gil reached for Phichit’s water, handing it to the witch without speaking. 

“I’m fine,” Phichit said once he had his coughing under control. He smiled at Seung-gil. “Just a tickle in my throat.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yep!” Phichit gave him a thumbs up, “What about you?”

“I’m better.” And he wasn’t lying. It felt good to just say these things out loud. Now, instead of swirling around his mind, they were free to roam the wide open air. When given this kind of freedom, the thoughts that bogged him down for so long became infrequent guests in his psyche. “ _Nam-chin_ … I love you.”

Phichit looked surprised, blushing a little before giggling nervously. “I wasn’t expecting that.”

“But you just said it?” Seung-gil leaned against his boyfriend so that he didn’t have to look him in the eyes.

“Did I?” More nervous laughter. “I didn’t even realize.”

“Oh.” Seung-gil didn’t know if that made it better or not.

“Seung-gil?” 

Seung-gil turned his head to look partially up at Phichit. For a moment, Seung-gil didn’t think the other man wanted anything but then he leaned in for a long, slow kiss. When he pulled away, Phichit whispered into Seung-gil’s ear. Or at least, in that area since his lips were somewhere closer to Seung-gil’s jawline. 

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Nam-chin** : Korean; boyfriend
> 
>  **Yxd rạk** : Thai; Most beloved 
> 
> \---
> 
> I used the Google translate’s romanization for the Thai as opposed to the more literal pronunciation because I am a fool but I just… If anyone would use terms of endearment I’m sure it would be Phichit. Also, I would have written it in the original Thai alphabet but my computer is being a butt right now and also I didn’t do the same for the Korean so I decided not to play favorites. 
> 
> I mean, would do the same for Russian or Japanese even though I actually have enough of a grasp on those languages to be able to at least partially check for correctness. 
> 
> Pretty much I’m saying that I’d rather look like an idiot while using bad romanization than look like an idiot attempting their actual languages. Why? Because I am a coward.
> 
> \---
> 
> Yah this chapter was supposed to me _more_ but I lost the thread while trying to work on the previous chapter so we got this instead *sigh*


	29. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The train ride back to Yuuri’s hometown was short enough that Viktor didn’t have time to prepare but long enough that he had plenty of time to overthink the meeting. 
> 
> And, boy, could he overthink this meeting.

The train ride back to Yuuri’s hometown was short enough that Viktor didn’t have time to prepare but long enough that he had plenty of time to overthink the meeting. 

He knew there wasn’t much that could go wrong. Yuuri had told him all about his family and they sounded lovely. More than lovely, really. There was no way they’d hate him but Viktor couldn’t help but wonder if maybe they’d decide Viktor wasn’t good enough for Yuuri. Or that they’d somehow blame Viktor for Yuuri’s immortality.

And, oh, he didn’t know how Yuuri was going to tell them about that. What he didn’t know was that Yuuri also didn’t know how he was going to tell them. 

“Minako will probably meet us at the train station.” Yuuri commented, “She always picks me up when I come home. It’s sort of a tradition.” 

“Minako was your… sister?” Viktor knew that was wrong but he was having trouble with names. He thought getting his memories back would help his memory but instead it seemed to get worse and worse. He suspected he needed to get to the root of the memory loss, which had to be the day he died, before his memory would be restored. Or maybe he’d always he like this.

“She’s my old dance teacher.” Yuuri was concerned about Viktor and not just because his memory had gotten so much worse, though that was extremely concerning. He’d also refused to talk about the latest of him memories. Yuuri thought he was going to completely break down when he said he wanted to take some more time before the rest but he hadn’t. “She’s a little… enthusiastic.”

“I’m sure I’ll love her,” Viktor says because he isn’t sure she’ll love him. Not when he can’t even remember her name.

“I swear it’s going to be okay.” Yuuri said, smiling, “And I swear you have nothing to worry about.”

“I know… I believe you, I really do it’s just… hard to convince myself to not worry.”

Yuuri chuckled as the train came to a stop, “I think I can understand that.”

\---

The woman who met them could definitely be described as enthusiastic. She could also be described as loud, which surprised Viktor since he wasn’t completely convinced Yuuri’s entire hometown wasn’t mute. It was just so… quiet. 

“Yuuri, it’s been way too long!” The woman was nearly shouting, earning her looks from the few other people in the train station. “And you haven't called home at all in months! Your parents are so worried.”

“Sorry.” Yuuri apologized, “There’s just been a lot going on. I have a lot to tell them. To tell all of you.”

She raised a mischievous eyebrow even as worry clouded her eyes. “Does any of that have to do with the ghost standing next to you?”

“Ah, some of it does. Not most of it, though.” Yuuri smiled, gesturing to Viktor. “This is Viktor. He’s my boyfriend.”

“I knew it, I knew you were dating someone.” Minako looked Viktor up and down suspiciously, “I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting a ghost.” 

“Sorry.” Viktor didn’t know why he was apologizing and so he laughed. “It’s nice to meet you, though. Yuuri told us a little about you and it sounds like you’re really important to him.”

“Aww, he talks about me.” Minako smiled at Yuuri, though there was something sly in that look. “What’s he told you?”

They started walking as Viktor spoke. “He said you convinced him to go to the city and to try out for the dance program.” Viktor smiled, “I have to thank you for that. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d never met Yuuri.” 

“That’s so sweet,” She cooed. “Yuuri, your mother is going to love him.”

“That’s good to hear.” Viktor laughed, turning to Yuuri. “I like her.”

“Why do I get the feeling I’m going to regret letting you anywhere near my family?” Yuuri complained even though he was smiling. 

“Probably because we all can’t wait to tell your boyfriend embarrassing stories about you.” 

All three of them laughed and Yuuri felt a little lighter, glad that for now, he didn’t have to face the biggest issue he needed to tell his family. For now, he could just pretend he was home to introduce his boyfriend to his family and friends. He’d pretend for as long as possible. 

\---

To say his mother liked Viktor would be an understatement. She _loved_ him. 

Yuuri couldn’t figure out what exactly clicked between the two of them, but he suspected it had something to do with the fact that they both had stories about Yuuri the other hadn’t heard.

“He was so embarrassed that he hid from me at first.” Yuuri currently had his head on the table, his cheeks red as Viktor told the entire assembly about how they first met. Yuuri’s family was there, his sister had been smirking at him nonstop since they’d arrived, as well as the Nishigori’s, if Yuuko raised her eyebrows suggestively at him one more time he was going to explode, and of course Minako. “It took a lot of pressuring and pushing by his friends to even get him to agree to sit at the same lunch table as me.”

“Guess Yuuri takes after you, honey.” Hiroko smiled at Toshiya, “The first time we really talked was after you got really drunk, wasn’t it?”

“Yuuri,” Viktor was using his whiny voice and Yuuri, unfortunately, loved it. “You never told me your family was so lovely!”

“Okay, now you’re making me sound like a terrible person.” Yuuri looked up from the table. “And, sure, just keep telling them embarrassing stories. I have plenty of stories I could tell about you.”

“You do not.” Viktor challenged.

“How about when I came to that lunch you were talking so much about, it took you forever to even recognize me?”

“Yuuri, that’s not fair!” Viktor flopped over so he was leaning against Yuuri. “You were wearing glasses and acting all shy.” He frowned dramatically, “And I did remember we’d met. I remembered meeting you at the art gallery.”

“You mean the gallery where you asked me a bunch of questions except my name?”

Without a real response, Viktor just whined Yuuri’s name again and Yuuri couldn’t help but smile. He liked this Viktor a lot better than the one who was concerned about memories and pasts. 

It wasn’t that Yuuri wouldn’t stay with Viktor and help him through something difficult like reliving a life you’d forgotten on purpose, it was just that he preferred it when Viktor could be happy. 

And he was aware things weren’t perfect right now because he knew very well how afraid Viktor was to sleep near Yuuri anymore. He suspected the next memory would be Viktor’s last and he knew Viktor was going to put that off as long as possible. 

But Yuuri was fine with that. It was Viktor’s choice and he’d be sure to be careful of when and where they slept. 

When Viktor quieted down, Hiroko launched into a story about when Yuuri was in middle school and Yuuri groaned. There really was no stopping her.

But at some point, it would be his turn to tell a story and he really didn’t want to tell that story. 

“I’ll be right back.” He sighed, heading to get some fresh air. 

It was already nighttime and pretty cold out but Yuuri didn’t mind. It wasn’t anywhere near cold enough for him to even really notice.

“Hey, bro.” He jumped a little at Mari’s voice.

“Hey.” He smiled as she took a seat next to Yuuri. “Sorry for ignoring you guys lately.”

“I know mom and dad think it’s because you got a boyfriend but I don’t think that’s the reason.” Well, she was getting right to the point. “Your friends are worried too.”

“Don’t worry too much.” He couldn't look at her when he said that. She should be worried and he knew she would be, later, but for now he just wanted to spend a few calm days with his family and friends. “I’ll tell you guys everything soon. For now… let’s just let it all be normal. Please?”

Mari was quiet for a long time but eventually, she sighed, “Okay. I’ll support you no matter what.”

“Thanks, Mari.”

“No problem.”

They fell into a comfortable silence that felt so much like home to Yuuri. Sure, when they’d been little their home had always been filled with noise but once they got older that had stopped being true. Once they were older, much of their time was spent just sitting in silence because they knew they didn’t need words. 

Viktor loved filling silence with words and that made Yuuri smile because he also loved when he did that, he could never get enough of Viktor’s talking. Yuuri loved finding silence amidst loudness and even if he didn’t know it himself, Viktor loved to watch as Yuuri fell quiet and turned in on himself. He would watch in fascination as Yuuri’s mind worked silently, creating a bubble of silence that not even Viktor could pop. Not that he’d try.

“Mari? Yuuri?” Hiroko poked her head outside and smiled at her two kids. 

They were leaned against each other, asleep, and she couldn’t help but think about how often this had happened growing up. Even when the two of them seemed to hate each other, as was pretty normal for siblings, Hiroko knew she could wait for them to tire themselves out and she’d find them here, asleep against each other like they’d never be pulled apart. Tonight, Mari had a protective arm around Yuuri and Hiroko clucked to herself. For all their fighting, Mari had always been extremely protective of her younger brother and sometimes Hiroko wondered if that was because of her temperament or his. 

She left and returned with some blankets, not wanting to wake them but also not wanting them to freeze to death. She’d wake them up in a little bit and have them come inside but for now, she did what she’d always done.

She takes a picture and then wraps them in blankets.

She doesn’t notice that while Mari is cold, Yuuri feels completely fine. 

She does notice that while Mari is flushed from the cold, Yuuri looks completely normal. She doesn’t think about that much and leaves to let them sleep.

Hiroko loves her children and is just happy Yuuri is happy. That’s all she’s ever asked for them and it was all she’d ever ask for them. 

Happiness is all she’s ever wanted for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm contemplating changing up my update schedule. If I can get enough chapters done I think next week I'll post four chapters because basically this chapter and the next one are 'one arc' the next four are another 'arc' then the last two are the last 'arc'. If I did that, I would post ch31 on Sunday then keep to the normal MWF pattern. 
> 
> Of course, this is hugely dependant on whether I even finish those chapters in time to do that :P


	30. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri just had to tell them. It was easy. 
> 
> At least it should be.

Viktor got along well with Yuuri's family and Yuuri was glad for it. Maybe that would make the hit from his big revelation hurt less. They’d know that Viktor would be there for him, forever.

At least, that was what Yuuri hoped they’d think. He hoped that because the alternative, the most likely alternative, was that they’d be devastated. 

Or maybe they’d realize that he was the youngest of them all and that they all probably would have died first regardless of immortality or curses. 

But neither immortality nor family were logical, so they’d probably not take this very well. At the very least they’d probably realize how much pain he’d been through and would cling onto this and that would upset them.

Basically, the more he thought about telling them, the less he had any idea how they’d react. 

Maybe he was overthinking things.

Yuuri was good at overthinking things. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Viktor appeared with a soft, cold hand on Yuuri’s shoulder.

Yuuri smiled faintly, looking up at the ghost. “I think I’m going to tell them tonight. I just… it could go either way and I think that’s the worst part. If I knew what to prepare for it would be easier but I just don’t know.” He sighed, leaning against his boyfriend. “What about you? How are you?”

“This was good for me, I think.” Viktor smiled. “I love your family, they’re all great.”

“They love you too.” Yuuri laughed, pulling Viktor down next to him. “I wanted to ask you something.”

“What is it?” Viktor looked at Yuuri a little worriedly. The dark-haired man wouldn’t look at Viktor but he was blushing so Viktor guessed it couldn’t be that bad. 

“I was just thinking that… When we get back to the city, maybe we should move in together.” 

Viktor blinked at Yuuri for a long time before breaking into a huge smile.

“Move in together? Really?” Yuuri nodded and Viktor was throwing himself into the shorter man’s lap as he looped his arms tightly around Yuuri’s neck. “Of course, of course, of course!” 

Yuuri was laughing as Viktor pressed cold kisses into his skin. They were hard, firm, but Yuuri loved it. It felt more like home than Yuuri realized until now. 

He loved his family and he loved his hometown but he was starting to realize the city had become home. Leo and Guang Hong and Luca were home. Phichit and Chris were home. 

Viktor was home.

“I love you.” Yuuri murmured, kissing Viktor softly.

“I love you too.” Viktor smiled back at Yuuri before pulling him into a tight hug.

“I’ll never leave you,” Yuuri assured him because he wanted Viktor to know that no matter what happened in their past together – and even if that past wasn’t really Yuuri’s per say, it was still kind of his and he’d take responsibility for his past self – he wasn’t going to leave now, in this life. 

“I know,” Viktor responded, fitting his face into the crook of Yuuri’s neck. “God, I know.”

Yuuri closed his eyes and leaned against Viktor. It was like leaning against a wall but Yuuri loved it. He didn’t care whether Viktor was stiff or soft as long as he was Viktor. 

Mari backed out the room quietly with a small smile stuck on her face, deciding to give the two some more time before she called them to dinner. She liked Viktor and liked him even more because Yuuri liked him but now, well, now she was sure she could trust him to take care of her brother.

She knew something was up with Yuuri. She’d never told anyone but for as long as she could remember, she could see auras. Mari was never sure why she never told anyone but she just… didn’t. When Yuuri returned home she realized there was something strange about his aura, aside from the fact that it continuously pulled towards Viktor’s. His aura seemed stronger but also like it was tinted with someone else’s aura, which wasn’t something she’d ever seen before. Not that she got out much.

Regardless, she just wanted to be sure her little brother was safe and loved no matter what. And she thought that maybe, just maybe, he was just that.

\---

He knew he called all of them here and he knew he really couldn’t back out of this but he really wanted to.

Oh, he wanted to.

But they were staring at him expectantly and Viktor was holding his hand and Yuuri knew it would be fine.

It had to be fine. 

“Yuuri?” Yuuko was the first one to look at him with concern and he sort of wanted to run just because of that.

“I wanted to start by apologizing for being… distant.” The words were trying to remain caught in his throat. He hated talking like this, even to the people he cared about. He hated everything about the situation he found himself in and he momentarily thought about just not telling them. Maybe they’d believe him if he just said he used magic to look young even as he got older?

“Yuuri.” Viktor squeezed his hand and smiled down at him.

Sighing, Yuuri decided to forgo his speech and just say what he had to say. To hell with eloquence because it would only stop him from ever getting to his point.

He sort of wished he’d had a drink before this. 

“Thanks to some… well because of a series of unexpected mistakes I’ve become– I have–” He took a single deep breath because this was important and he needed to just say it. “I can’t die… I’m… immortal.”

And, honestly, for a moment it felt nice to say it and he felt light.

Then everything was noise.

\---

Viktor’s cold legs were tangled with Yuuri’s warm ones and his cold arms were wrapped tightly around his warm boyfriend. 

Yuuri was tired and, honestly, so was Viktor but neither could sleep. That was partly because they were both stressed from the evening. It was also because they were aware of the fact that if they both fell asleep, there was nothing they could do to stop Viktor from reliving his memories and, well, if they weren’t ready for that before Yuuri's trip home, then there was no way Yuuri or Viktor could deal with that right now.

Telling his family went… better than expected. It hadn’t gone well, but it didn’t go horribly. 

All Yuuri knew was that he was glad Viktor was here with him because without him he wasn’t sure his family would have believed he could be happy despite this. They knew him pretty well and Yuuri knew they were concerned because they knew it would hurt him to live this life. But he assured them that he had people who would be there for him and that he’d be okay and…

And saying all that out loud didn’t make it good but it made it better. Saying it out loud made him feel better somehow and that was really all he could have asked for. 

“Viktor?”

“Yah, Yuuri?”

“I think I’m going to be okay… I think… I think it’s all going to be okay.” 

“Yah, I think it’ll be okay.”

And like a sign from the shitty god that seemed to be watching over them, Yuuri’s phone started to ring.

“Who’s calling at this time?”

Yuuri frowned, recognizing the ringtone immediately. 

“Phichit.” He grabbed the phone, pausing to check the caller ID simply because he was hoping he was wrong. “Hello?”

“Yuuri, it’s Seung-gil.” Yuuri’s blood ran cold and he found he couldn’t speak. It sounded a bit like Seung-gil was having even more trouble talking than he was. “I– I’m sorry. Phichit’s not– he isn’t–” Seung-gil's voice cracked and Yuuri almost expected him to start crying but he didn’t. “You need to come back as soon as possible.” Yuuri was silent and when Seung-gil continued, there was a shake and a sort of pleading in his voice that Yuuri would never have expected to hear from Seung-gil. “Please, he’s dying and I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m on my way.” Yuuri looked at Viktor, fear in his eyes. “We’re on our way.”

It turned out, this was all he needed to feel cold again. 

And, fuck, he was cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact that won't make it into this fic: Yuliy's little sister (Mariya) has the same soul as Mari. Most souls take a few years to reincarnate and so after Yuliy died, his soul stuck around for a while. When Mariya died, though, her soul was basically like "you protected me in this life, bro, so I'll protect you in the next" and so they were reincarnated as siblings but with Mariya's soul taking the role of older sibling this time around.
> 
> \---
> 
> So I'm still hoping to post sun, mon, wed, and fri next week but currently I only have two of those chapters done so we'll see.


	31. How Easy is it to Say Goodbye?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seung-gil’s life had always been based on calculations of risk. He was always lost in his own mind, calculating risk of failure. Risk of losing. Risk of death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a small allusion to suicide near the end, in the paragraph starting with "And Seung-gil was..." 
> 
> It's quick and pretty vague but I didn't want anyone being caught off guard. I know, for me, it's always the small, quick things like that that get me. And, like, I forgot I wrote the line and when I was rereading it kind of caught me off guard so I thought a warning was in order.

Seung-gil’s life had always been based on calculations of risk. He was always lost in his own mind, calculating risk of failure. Risk of losing. Risk of death. 

And maybe that was why now, when his world was collapsing again, he found himself lost deep in his calculations. Calculations he should have made weeks ago when he and Phichit met. When he and Phichit went to the museum. When Phichit told him he would die young. When Phichit first came down with what seemed like a cold. 

He could remember when they first met. Or, not when they first met but when Phichit first made good on his personal goal of making Seung-gil his friend. Phichit had run up to him, waving and calling his name.

“Seung-gil!” He pulled out the syllables in a way that was strangely attractive, strangely endearing. So much so that Seung-gil had stopped in his tracks to see what this stranger who knew his name wanted. 

“Yes?”

“Hi!”

“Hello?”

“Seung-gil, we should get lunch. I mean, you should get lunch with me and my friends.”

“You and your friends?” Seung-gil looked around, wondering if this was a prank. “Who are you?”

The man’s face had dropped, looked lost, before the sadness was replaced with a pout. 

“I sit next to you in statistics.”

“Oh.” Is all he said because Seung-gil didn’t know how to explain how he spent every stat class calculating the probability that his sister and mom are dead. Or calculating the likelihood that he’d ever be allowed back into the place that was, unfortunately, his only home. 

Seung-gil didn’t know how to explain to the pretty, happy stranger that he didn’t know who he was because he spent most of his time making obsessive, terrified calculations in the hope that one of them would give him a positive outlook. 

“Well I’m Phichit and now you have to come to lunch, as an apology for forgetting me.”

“I didn’t forget you, I just didn’t know who you were.” Phichit’s face fell again and Seung-gil kicked himself. He’d thought about how that was why nobody liked him. People always wanted to be his friend until he opened his stupid mouth.

“Wow, you’re kind of mean.” And then the strangest thing of all happened.

Phichit laughed. 

It’s a hysteric sort of laugh, but not completely unhappy. There was a lot of unhappiness in it and Seung-gil wondered if it had anything to do with the strangeness of the man’s aura. He could see the faint outline of a small aura, too small really, that was half drained of color. He’d never seen anything like it and in a lot of ways, it fascinated him. It also terrified him.

The laughter had been a little scary too.

But now, he’d give anything to hear even that because the Phichit laying in front of him was nothing but silent. The only sounds from him are horrible and unsettling and so un-Phichit-like and Seung-gil finds himself desperately doing the math like somehow it would disprove something he knew was correct. 

There was a time when statistics had been a comfort, had helped him through anxiety and through panic. But now they were an anchor, pulling him farther and farther into the darkness. He couldn’t breathe. He was drowning and didn’t know what he was supposed to do. 

He tried to calculate how easy it would be to say goodbye. 

He didn't get favorable results. 

“Seung-gil.” He looked up, eyes unfocused at first before finally realizing Chris and Luca had arrived and each was sitting on opposite sides of Seung-gil. 

“Thank you for coming.” Was all he could manage which was stupid because of course Chris would come. Chris was one of Phichit’s best friends. Chris and Yuuri had more of a claim on grief than he did. Seung-gil hadn’t even known Phichit for a year; he had no right to be the one drowning in inescapable grief.

With that input, he tries to calculate how easy it will be to say goodbye.

The results are still bad. 

“I’m sorry this had to happen,” Luca says, as much to Chris as to Seung-gil.

“Yah.” Chris is stricken and pale but he still looks at Seung-gil with concern. “I’ve known him for while and Seung-gil… well, he really loved you. I’ve never seen him more head-over-heels for someone.”

“Thank you.” Seung-gil manages as the fall back into silence, Chris standing to hover over Phichit in the hopes that he’d be coherent enough to listen to Chris’ stupid jokes. The quietly murmured jokes and reminiscing from Chris made Seung-gil feel a little better, made him feel a little less like everything was falling around him. 

But it still was.

The door slammed open again later and Seung-gil was enfolded into a warm hug. He didn’t particularly want a hug and he remained stiff in the hug but there was something in him, deep down, that was glad for it. So even as his body remained mostly stiff, he leaned into it. He felt, right now, like he could stay here forever because these arms understood what he was feeling. They understood that he was lost and uncertain and praying to gods he’d never liked to come and help the only person he’d ever loved like this and who loved him right back. 

It turned out they were Yuuri’s arms, which Seung-gil only learned when he pulled away to hug the other’s in the room. Then he stood next to Chris, staring at his best friend with a face that said he was trying his best to not fall apart. It was a face saying that he didn’t want to fall to pieces but he was already cracking and the falling wouldn’t take long. 

“His parents?” Yuuri’s voice was so small and broken. It kind of scared Seung-gil. 

“They’re on their way.” Seung-gil had almost not called them because while Phichit had never spoken badly of them that was mostly because he’d never spoken of them at all. Seung-gil sensed a reluctance in them when he called to tell them that their son was dying and that had made him want to punch them. They were just lucky they had been a world away. “I don’t know if they’ll make it, though.” 

“His sister?”

“Sister?” Seung-gil hated this. He was learning too much about the person he thought he knew so well. It really underscored their distance. 

“I’ll call her.” Yuuri started to walk out of the hospital room, “Their relationship is complicated but she’ll want to be here.” 

The room wasn’t silent, not really, but to Seung-gil it seemed to be up until the moment that Chris broke it with a sob. Luca stood to stand next to him, rubbing his back as Chris turned to cry onto his shoulder. 

Seung-gil was struck by the idea that maybe the reason people didn’t want people to be loud in hospitals wasn’t for the sick people but for the healthy ones because while Chris’ sobs were not distressing to Phichit at all, though maybe he could hear them right now, they were pretty distressing for Seung-gil. 

Viktor took a seat next to Seung-gil, looking at him seriously even as Seung-gil stared blankly into space. 

Yuuri’s hug had been a little unwanted but, somehow, it had helped. Not much, but a little. The hug tried to say it was okay, that it was going to be okay and Seung-gil wanted so desperately to believe it but it was hard.

He kept trying to change the math, to make this goodbye easier but the math came out the same no matter what. Even surrounded by friends, and they were friends, the math came out the same. 

“Seung-gil.” He didn’t look up at Viktor, but the ghost wasn’t having it. “Seung-gil!”

Finally, the dark-haired man dragged his eyes up to look at Viktor. The ghost looked much like he always did, expect the lines of his face were concerned and upset. He looked like he was going to cry, and sounded the same, but Seung-gil knew that wasn’t possible for him. That, somehow, made him angrier than the current situation because what asshole made it so someone could be a ghost and not cry? Why deprive former mortals of something like that? It just seemed so unfair but then again, maybe Seung-gil’s mistake here was ever assuming this world could be fair.

If this world was fair, then it wouldn’t be Phichit laying in this hospital bed. If the world was fair, it would be anyone but him. 

No, that wasn’t right and Seung-gil knew it. What he meant wasn’t anyone, what he meant was he’d be the one dying. Because for all of Seung-gil’s faults, the one that had caught the eye of the god who ‘saved’ him had been his self-sacrifice. 

If he could give his life to Phichit to save him, he would do it gladly. 

But his life wasn’t his to give. His life wasn’t even his own anymore, not since he’s been stabbed to save his family. Not since he was brought back from death by a god who didn’t understand what he was doing. 

“Seung-gil, I need you to listen to me.” Viktor’s hand was cold when it touched Seung-gil’s shoulder but, honestly, the man barely felt it. “Don’t think yourself sick, nobody wants to see that.” 

“I’m not– I won’t–” Seung-gil couldn’t decide on words, so he just shook his head. 

“Seung-gil, you’re allowed to be angry right now. You’re allowed to be upset and sad.” Viktor paused, “And you’re allowed to cry.” 

Seung-gil looked at Viktor for a long time, mulling over his words. 

“I don’t know your reasons but I can tell you don’t think you’re allowed to cry.” Viktor took his hand away, watching as Luca lead Chris out of the hospital room. “But you are.”

“I’m angry.” Seung-gil managed, “And it’s not fair.”

“It’s never fair.” Viktor smiled, “Trust me, I know some things.”

And Seung-gil believed it, looking at the ghost. Watching how his aura flickered and burned like fire only in a pink-purple that fit him to a tee. He watched in fascination as he started to notice the aura, it was just so much like a fire, seemed to be blown by an unfelt wind. When Seung-gil followed the direction this wind, he saw it was directed towards where Yuuri was in the hallway. 

Seung-gil guessed soulmates weren’t as made up as he’d assumed. 

And his anger was back, flaring up as he thought about the fact that Viktor and Yuuri were made for each other and were just barely able to touch. Phichit and he weren’t soul mates, not by a long shot, but they’d been comfortable together and now they were being torn apart. Sure, Seung-gil had always assumed this would end between him and Phichit but he didn’t imagine it like this. Even when he did on occasion think that maybe they’d be together long enough for Phichit to die, Seung-gil thought they had more time. He should never have assumed he’d have more time.

He was angry and upset and felt like he was drowning but now the anger was pushing him up and up until it spilled out as tears. Through a clenched jaw and clenched fists, he cried silent tears while Viktor sat next to him and put his hand back on Seung-gil’s shoulder. 

Seung-gil was angry and upset and when he tried to do the math on how easy it would be to say goodbye the numbers failed him and he came away with nothing but the realization that no matter how hard he tried, he’d always be left with the fact that saying goodbye wasn’t easy and it would never be easy and it might just be impossible. 

Yuuri returned and was too much in shock to cry, just walking over to take Phichit’s hand in his. Luca and Chris returned, Chris still crying but it was quiet now. It was amazing how small a tall man like him could get under certain circumstances. 

And Seung-gil was crying but his mind was blank, blanker than it had ever been except for maybe just before he died. He could remember what it was like, each time he died. Dying of hunger or by the blood draining from his wrists. 

Or by a knife in his abdomen. 

And his mind was blank even when the room was filled with the horrible sound of the machines shouting for help. Shouting for doctors.

His mind was blank when the doctor came and nurses pushed them out of the room.

His mind was blank, sitting in the waiting room feeling alone even though he knew he was surrounded by friends. 

His mind was blank when a small, delicate hand touched his arm and he looked up at Guang Hong and Leo, staring at him with sad eyes. They looked at him with eyes that told stories of all the people these immortals had lost and how it still hurt them; especially Leo because Leo was at sort of god but he had been human before that. 

“Seung-gil Lee.” 

His eyes were drawn away from their faces to the face of a person he didn’t want to see, not right now.

“Prince Altin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch out for an update tomorrow too!


	32. I Don't Want to Make a Deal With The Devil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't want to make a deal but that was what Otabek Altin was offering. 
> 
> And, maybe, it was the exact deal Seung-gil needed.

He was angry and right now he didn’t care if Altin was the one who he blew up on. “Now is not a good time.”

“On the contrary, now is the perfect time.” The elf looked placid but Seung-gil’s eyes were slowly becoming accustomed to immortal souls too and he could see a vague outline of raging blackness. “Because I have a deal.”

“I don’t need your deals.” Seung-gil started to turn his head away but Prince Altin wasn’t done.

“You do.” Seung-gil stared at him, daring him to continue. “Because I can save your friend.” 

“You can do what?” Chris was the first one to speak, sounding angry. 

Yuuri was saying something that Seung-gil can’t quite understand; Luca and Viktor were in a shocked silence; Leo and Guang Hong were silent too but Seung-gil suspected that was because they knew more or less what was going on. 

“I don’t believe you,” Seung-gil informed the elf. 

“You don’t have to believe me but I can do it.”

“How?”

“Elves have the ability to trade life-force.” He paused, “I’ll entwine my soul with his and he’ll be brought back.”

“He’s not dead.” Seung-gil didn’t know when he stood, but now he was standing too close to Altin, wanting to attack the elf even though he hadn’t done anything. This wasn’t his fault and Seung-gil knew it but he needed to hate someone. 

“Not yet, no, but he will be.” Talking to Prince Altin really helped Seung-gil understand how honestly could be grating sometimes. “And I can save him.”

Anger finally bubbled up and Seung-gil reached out, grabbing onto the elf’s collar. 

“If you could save him, why did you wait?” When did he start shouting?

“It wasn’t an easy decision to make.” Altin’s jaw was set but there was something akin to fear in his eyes. “It’s not one I make lightly.” 

The people around them felt a trickle of discomfort at the scene. None of Seung-gil’s friends had ever seen him this angry, or really angry at all, and none of them knew Altin very well, but the fear and desperation in his eyes seemed out of place. 

Someone coughed and Seung-gil let go of Altin, turning to see Phichit’s doctor had arrived. 

“Is Mr. Chulanont's family here?”

“No.” Yuuri was the one to step up and Seung-gil didn’t understand how he was keeping calm right now. Unlike Seung-gil, who’s negativity only pulled him down, the man seemed to only be stronger for his anxiety. “But I should be allowed to speak for him. Christophe and Seung-gil should also be on the list of people allowed to make decisions for him.” 

“And your name is?”

“Yuuri Katsuki.” He gestured for Chris and Seung-gil. “Please, just tell us what’s happening.”

“He’s still alive.” The doctor seemed satisfied with Yuuri’s identity. “But he's only being kept alive by life support.” He shook his head, “There’s very little chance he’ll come out of this.”

Seung-gil turned away from the doctor, grabbing Prince Altin by the wrist and dragging him away from the waiting room, finding a secluded corner and looking at him seriously.

“You can really save him?”

“Yes.”

“What will happen?”

“I don’t follow.”

“Why was it a hard choice for you.”

Altin was quiet for a long time, for too long, before responding. “If I transfer my soul, I will die.”

Seung-gil’s heart dropped because that’s what he expected the elf to say but it still made him pause. Phichit wouldn’t want someone to die to save him. That said, what Altin was asking for was a trade. His life, and Phichit’s, for a chance at saving his people. 

“Why you? You’re the crown prince. Shouldn’t it be someone else?”

“It is my place to save my people. If I do save them, then they’ll be plenty of time for a new successor. And, anyways, my soul isn’t meant to be king.”

“All you ever seem to talk about is how shitty our souls are.” Seung-gil hated the shake in his voice almost as much as he hated the shake in his entire body. “But what I don’t understand is why you think that has anything to do with me helping you?”

“I was simply using that as a way for us to connect.” Altin suddenly seemed very young to Seung-gil. And lonely. “I’ve been searching for a way to save my people for years and you are my only chance. It is nearly impossible to get an audience with The Ruling God as a normal earthling but you, you have the right to talk to God.”

“What do you even what me to ask Him?” 

“Elves have a set amount of souls they can pull from when children are born,” Altin explained. “A child can only be born if a soul is available. I won’t go into details on how conception and birth happen.” Seung-gil raised an eyebrow at that and was surprised when Altin blushed and hastily continued. “Elves are immortal but, like all immortal beings, we can die. We can die accidentally, if we’re mortally wounded, or by choice. Some elves, when they get very old, decide they want to move on. We don’t actually know if they truly move on somewhere else but we do know that for years when an elf moved on, their soul would return to a sort of pool of souls. But, in the last few decades, this hasn’t been happening. Our so-called pool of souls has been depleted and even when elves die, their souls don’t return to the pool. That’s why someone like me, someone with a horribly black soul, was ever returned to a body. There are no souls left.”

“Then why not just… not die?” Seung-gil was reeling. This was too much information. 

“It’s part of our natural cycle to die one day. Just because we’re immortal doesn’t mean we want to live forever.” Altin sighed. “Forever is a long time.” 

“Fine.” He didn’t see any reason to continue to question Altin. “What do you want me to do?”

“Mortal creatures have souls that reincarnate too, but they also have a system in which new souls are created to replace ones that have gone to heaven or ‘moved on.’ I want you to ask The Ruling God to grant elves the same system.”

“You do know the god now is not… he’s not really that accepting. There’s a good chance he’ll refuse.” 

Seung-gil had had it all planned out. He’d ask the current god to help Viktor, to give him an immortal but corporeal body. It would be hard but he thought he could convince God that Viktor deserved this because he was a good person. He just had to skip over the whole gay thing since He could be a little touchy about that stuff. 

Then he’d wait for a god to come around who didn’t hate witches and ask them to help Phichit, to save him.

But Phichit was dying, he was basically dead, and plans might have to change. 

“I’m not asking you for an empty favor.” Altin looked uncertain even if his words sounded certain. “I think you could convince Him.”

“They hate me.” Seung-gil sighed, leaning against the wall because he felt so tired. “That’s why I’m even on Earth.”

“They saved you because of a history of selflessness.” How the hell did he know that? “And I think the fact that this quest is selfless will sway Him.” 

“I–”

“I’m just asking you to try.” 

“And if I don’t succeed?”

“What?”

“If I don’t save your people, will our deal still stand? Is the deal that you save Phichit if I try or if I succeed?”

“I… I don’t know.” Altin seemed conflicted. “If you don’t then I really can’t die… This is my quest and if I die, then who will save my people.”

“How about this,” Seung-gil looked at him seriously. “If I don’t succeed, you save Phichit and I’ll continue your quest.”

“How so?”

“You said it yourself, only a god can help the elves now.” Altin nodded, “If I don’t succeed, I’ll go to every god and ask them to help. I will search Earth for non-risen gods who could help. I’ll take on your quest to save your people if you save Phichit.” 

Prince Altin was silent for a long time, his mind working hard on this problem. 

“Okay… I choose to believe you because you seem like a good person despite your soul. Or maybe it’s because of your soul?” Altin took a deep breath. “But we’ll talk more when you return. For now, let’s just assume you’ll succeed.” He stuck his hand out, “Do we have a deal?”

“Yes.” He took the other man’s hand, shaking it firmly. “I save your world and you save mine.” They let go and Seung-gil looked around, “I’ll need somewhere to sit down. I’m not using my energy to transport my whole body, I’ll just send my soul. It’ll seem like I’ve passed out.” 

“We can go back to the waiting room and explain to the others.”

Seung-gil laughed at that but it was a bitter laugh, one that really didn’t sound like a laugh at all. “I don’t really have time to explain.”

“I’ll carry you back.” Altin offered, “And I’ll explain.” 

Seung-gil shrugged, “If you want.”

After a breath, Seung-gil sat down on the floor with his legs crossed and his back to the wall. 

“I’ll be back.” He took one more deep breath before concentrating on returning. It only took a moment before he slumped over and Prince Altin wondered whether this was actually a good choice.

“Good luck.” He whispered, pulling the man onto his back. “Good, damn luck.”


	33. But a Deal With You is Just as Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reason Seung-gil had been saved was that the gods thought he was somehow a selfless person. In Seung-gil's opinion, he was pretty selfish but that never bothered him much. And right now that didn't matter because all he needed was to save Phichit.

His head was beating out an angry rhythm as he blinked awake. Well, awake might not be the right word since that implied he’d been sleeping. 

“Seung-gil?” He was in a sort of conference room. It was always where he woke up and he suspected it was a cruel joke about how gloomy and stern he was. 

He looked over and saw Min-Soo Park looking at him with her head tilted to the side and her eyebrows tilted in concerned confusion. 

“I didn’t expect you.”

“I need an audience with God.”

“You have the right to one.” She knew there was more to Seung-gil’s sudden demand but she would let him explain his plan. In case he wasn’t thinking anything crazy, she wasn’t about to give him any ideas. She had a lot of crazy ideas right now but she was supposed to be a good influence on Seung-gil. “You’re very late so you’ll have to wait in line like everyone else– Seung-gil, where are you going?”

“To see God.” Seung-gil brushed past the older woman, feeling bad that she’d been assigned as his guide. 

“You can’t just run into his chambers.” 

Seung-gil stepped out of the conference room, taking in the state of Heaven. 

The Ruling God liked clouds and bright lights and gold so that was what everything was made of, really not all that different from when he’d left. Because he’d been saved by this Ruling God, Seung-gil also got the ‘privilege’ of looking a bit like an idiot with black wings unfolding from his back. He hated these. Everyone already knew what his soul looked like, it was common knowledge, but he’d love it if there wasn’t this constant reminder on his back.

But maybe they were helpful because all these damn angels were terrified of him. 

Cowards. 

He didn't have time to think about his feelings on angels. He had to convince The Ruling God to help Altin even though Seung-gil was painfully aware of the fact that this God was one of the strictest. 

The angels he pushed passed weren’t too happy with him but Seung-gil couldn’t wait the months some angels would wait for an audience with God, let alone the years that it sometimes took. Altin wouldn’t wait for him and Phichit couldn’t wait for him. 

Most angels didn’t have anywhere to be so they would wait as long as they needed. He’d heard of an angel who spent almost ninety percent of a god’s reign waiting for a meeting. Most didn’t even have anything they particularly wanted. Most of them just didn’t have much else to do.

Angels were a frivolous bunch. 

Seung-gil really didn't care what they thought about him. He would push through the line and break this door down if he had to. He’d never cared what they thought about him and he wasn’t about to start caring now. If they were going to all fear or dislike him for something as stupid as the color of his soul, then he wasn’t about to worry whether he hurt their feelings.

A lot of the angels waiting didn't even fight him when he began pushing his way through. Mostly he got annoyed shouts. Two guards tried to stop him at the door but he still tried to push through. When one of them reached out to grab him, to stop him, they shouted out like they’d been hurt and crumpled to the ground. 

“What did you do?” the other guard asked, kneeling next to his fallen compatriot. 

Seung-gil looked at the fallen guard then looked at his own skin, where he found black lightning playing across his skin. He smirked at his own skin then at the guard, his friend was blinking and seemed fine so Seung-gil didn’t feel too bad. 

“Don’t you know how dangerous a black soul is?” Not that he knew. He wondered what Prince Altin would think if he was what Seung-gil’s black soul let him do. “Now let me through.”

Seung-gil didn’t care if he was damned for this behavior. They could throw him out of heaven or make him a demon. He didn’t care as long as they let him help Phichit.

The doors swung open and the angel talking to the God stopped, looking at the commotion with blinking confusion. Surprisingly, it was an angel Seung-gil knew. And it was one who actually seemed to like Seung-gil.

“Hello, Mr. Lee.” The brown haired man with the small, white wings smiled at Seung-gil. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Sorry Dan.” Seung-gil actually felt bad for interrupting him. Dan Dola had been saved around the same time Seung-gil was and he’d been waiting to meet this god for a while. He’d always been very nice to Seung-gil, saying something about not being afraid of something as silly as some darkness. “You can finish.”

“It’s fine, I think I’m done here.”

“I won’t help a witch.” The Ruling God chimed in like the asshole He was.

“First, she’s a mage, not a witch. Second, I’m a mage too!” He sighed, patting Seung-gil’s shoulder as he moved to leave. To Seung-gil’s surprised there was a lightning looking something dancing on Dan’s skin too and it seemed to negate Seung-gil black lightning. “Good luck.”

“Seung-gil Lee.” The door closed and he was left alone. “You have no right to be here.”

“I do have the right to be here, you’re the one who saved me.”

“I was convinced by some of my angels to save you. It may have been a mistake.”

Seung-gil flinched. He knew that was true but it still hurt. A lot. 

“I don’t care about your regrets. I’m here now and because I’m so damn selfless I asking you to help.”

“I don’t help witches.”

“Which is stupid.” Seung-gil crossed his arms. “But I’m not here to ask you to save Phichit even if you should save him. He is everything you say people should be and he’s the one who helped me learn all the lessons you hoped Earth would teach me.”

“Fine.” His voice was a rumble now but if He thought that would scare Seung-gil, He was wrong. Seung-gil had died enough times not to be afraid. He was lightning and he wasn’t afraid of a little thunder. “What do you want?”

“The elves need help.”

“The elves?” 

“They’ve got problems with reincarnation not working.” Seung-gil kind of wished he’d had the time to bring Prince Altin here. He would have explained better. “They need a way to create immortal souls.”

“I don’t deal in immortality.” 

Seung-gil raised an eyebrow. “Then what do you call angels?”

There was a long paused and Seung-gil could feel the unhappiness radiating off of Him. It was amazing how little he cared whether or not God was happy. 

“Why should I help him? Why should I help you?”

“I’ve never asked for anything.” Seung-gil realized his plan had some flaws. Namely, the fact that he didn’t know how to convince God he should help the elves. “And the elves are a good people. They take care of the forest.”

His words fell flat and Seung-gil realized this wasn’t going to work. He’d failed Altin and it hurt because could he really ask Altin to give up his life for a promise of Seung-gil trying to help the elves in the future? 

“Get out.”

The doors behind Seung-gil banged open and he turned, lost for words at the sight of Min-soo Park breathing hard and looking angry.

“Hey, asshole!” Seung-gil felt more than a little bit uncomfortable with this situation. He’d never heard Min-soo raise her voice louder than calling for him to come back the couple of times he ran off while he was supposed to be listening to her. “I’ve been an angel for centuries and I’m not going to let you give Heaven a bad name.”

“Min-soo Park.” Seung-gil swore God sounded afraid. “Seung-gil Lee was your–”

“You wanted him saved because he was selfless, right? Well, he’s doing what you want.” She took a deep, shaky breath. “He’s in love so get your head out of your ass and help him out.”

There was a long pause but Min-soo was smiling like she’d already won. And maybe she had. Seung-gil suspected there was more to this conversation than he understood. 

“Fine. Seung-gil, tell the elves they will have a solution to their problem within a year.” There was a flash of light and Seung-gil felt a burning in his hand. Looking at his skin, there was a symbol burned into the back of his hand, one he’d never seen before. “That is the mark of our covenant. I cannot break an agreement of this type and the elves should know that.”

“Thank you.” Seung-gil bowed deeply even if he didn’t particularly feel like He was deserving of the respect then followed Min-soo out of the chambers.

“Well, that was fun.” She smiled at him and he blinked at her, feeling dazed by the entire situation. “What? Didn’t think I could get angry at anyone but you? I’ve spent nearly twenty years listening to angels complain about how unfair He is and I had had enough.”

“Thank you.” He said genuinely, “You’re one of the few who cares about me.”

“It’s my job.” Her smile was warm, “In your first life, your mother prayed for protection over you. I was a new angel and excited to help so I offered to protect you. I did poorly. I tried again and again throughout your lives but I didn't– I failed. I was able to convince this god to save you but he turned against you quickly. I felt like I’d failed again when he had you sent to Earth.” She sighed, “I can’t make up for the pain of your past lives but I am trying to make your future better.”

“Thank you.” He repeated, smiling at her. It was slight, but she counted it as a win. 

“It’s my job.” She mirrored his repetition with her own. “Now go tell Otabek Altin what you’ve done.”

“Thank you.” He wanted to say it more and more because she was truly one of the few who cared about him. “Sorry for being a bother.”

Then his vision whited out and he felt his stomach drop. The return trip was always way worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this ch really about? Was really supposed to highlight the fact that seung-gil has many people who care about him, he just sometimes doesn't see it. 
> 
> \---
> 
> I guess I should mention that I have nothing against Catholics or Christians. My depiction of this particular Catholic God is meant to mirror the parts of Chatholasism that drove me, and many others, away from the church. I don't go into it but in this fic but my idea for this AU is that there are many many many gods, including multiple different gods within just Chatholasism so, like, Seung-gil just had the bad luck of trying to deal with a real asshole of a god.


	34. Long Live the King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The covenant burned into his skin would be Phichit's ticket back to life, at least Seung-gil hoped it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished writing the last two chapters and have exactly 0 self-control so I'm just gonna post these last 3 chapters today, tomorrow, and Saturday.

Seung-gil’s eyes flew open and he was already off running for a garbage can, barely able to keep from throwing up before he reached it. As he threw up the little he’d eaten in the last day along with a lot of stomach acid someone put a hand on his back, unsure but firm, and he was glad for it. When he finally pulled his head out of the garbage, they handed him a napkin for his face.

“Thanks.” He looked up and saw it was Yuuri because of course, it was Yuuri. He was the one of their group that was the most like a concerned mother.

“Otabek explained what you were doing.” He was fidgeting a little. “You’ve been gone for about an hour and a half.” Seung-gil hated the difference in the flow of time between Heaven and Earth. “Phichit… he’s… he’s completely gone. The only thing keeping him alive is life support.”

“So he’s as good as dead?” Seung-gil asked, feeling panic return before his mind remembered that he had a way to save Phichit. He could fix this. “Where’s Altin?”

“Seung-gil.” He looked over and nodded to the elf, holding out his hand.

“A sign of the pact. Your people are saved.”

“Thank you.” His face didn’t change and neither did his voice but Seung-gil saw relief in the elf’s eyes. “Thank you so much.”

“You don’t need to thank me just… Just help him.”

\---

“Hey, Chris,” Yuuri called to the blond. He had a death grip on Phichit’s hand, Luca patting him carefully on the back as he cried.

“Yuuri, is his family here?” He asked.

“His parents and sister aren't here, but his family is.”

Chris turned before letting go of Phichit and staggering over to Yuuri and burying his face in his shoulder.

“Chris, hey, you don’t need to cry. I don’t know how to explain this but he’s going to be okay.”

He pulled away from Yuuri, fragile hope in his eyes. “Really?”

“Yes.” Altin nodded, stepping up to the bed and putting his hands about an inch above Phichit’s chest. “Viktor, can you tell Yura I’m sorry for leaving.”

“What?” Viktor looked at Yuuri and Seung-gil, “What do you mean?”

“He’s my only friend and he should know I’m sorry.”

“Say it to me yourself, asshole.” Atlin turned, his face a bit terrified, and everyone followed suit.

Yuri, Seung-gil had met him once at the party, was floating about two inches off the ground with his arms crossed as he glared at Prince Altin. Behind him was a tall man who looked strikingly like Prince Altin, flanked on either side by two severe-looking elves.

“King,” Altin bowed his head, “What are you doing here?”

The tall elf sighed, “Is that any way to greet your father?”

“I’m only following protocol.”

“Forget that.” He stepped around Yuri to stand close to Otabek before pulling the small elf into a hug, “You have done enough for us.”

“I’ve done it,” Otabek explained. “Seung-gil Lee was able to get us help from The Ruling God. He’s signed a pact to help us so I have to fulfill my end of the bargain and revive Phichit Chulanont.”

“I know.” King Altin smiled at The Crown Prince, “And I’m saying you’ve done enough.” King Altin turned to look at Yuri first, “Thank you for finding me before my son did anything rash.” Then he turned to Seung-gil. “You saved our people and we will forever be in your debt.” And now he was looking back at Prince Altin. “You’ve done more for our people in your short life than I have in my entire long life. You will make a great king.”

“What are you saying?”

“I'll do this.” He stepped around Prince Altin, putting his hands over Phichit in the same manner Prince Altin had before.

“This is crazy, you’re the king.”

“You'll be king soon.”

“I’m not supposed to be king.” Yuri had floated over to stand behind Prince Altin.

“Beka… I’m sorry.” He looked back at his friend, tears in his eyes, and Yuri put a hand on his shoulder.

Seung-gil had to turn away then because he couldn’t stand this. He didn’t want anyone to have to die but for him but Phichit was more important than this stranger.

There was the sound of someone collapsing and Phichit’s machines went crazy, the man gasping suddenly from his bed. He turned then, rushing to Phichit’s bedside and capturing the young witch’s hand in his own. Seung-gil pressed the hand against his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut in a vain attempt to stop tears from flowing.

“Seung-gil?” Phichit’s voice was raspy, but it was there and when Seung-gil opened his eyes he was met with a pair of dark gray eyes. “What’s going on? You look… different.”

Seung-gil looked down at himself but didn’t see anything different. “I don’t know what you mean. It’s just me.”

Phichit looked around at everyone, smiling, “Everyone looks different. It’s strange.”

The two elves who’d come in with King Altin stepped into the room, genuflecting in front of a trembling Otabek.

“Long live the king.” Seung-gil was struck by how strange the last few days had been, apparently culminating in watching a new king being crowned. They stood and stepped to scoop up the former king and Phichit gasped, seeming to realize what was happening. “King Altin, we must return.”

“Okay.” His voice was small and he turned to look at everyone. “Thank you all for… for everything you’ve done.”

“We have to thank you,” Yuuri informed him, moving now to stand on Phichit’s other side where he was joined by a smiling but tearful Chris.

“Yura, I’ll see you soon.”

“Beka…” But he was gone and Yuri looked lost, glancing at Viktor who shook his head.

After a moment of hesitation, Seung-gil kissed Phichit’s hand. “I’ll let you three talk.”

“You don’t have to go.” Yuuri insisted but Seung-gil only shook his head.

“I’ll be right back, don’t worry.”

And he was gone, leaving Yuuri and Chris with Phichit. Luca, Viktor, and Yuri stayed still for a moment before retreating from the room as well. Now there was only the nurse and doctor who’d run in, confused and surprised at what seemed like a miracle.

“Hey.” Yuuri smiled at Phichit, not believing that this had happened. “How are you feeling?”

“Surprisingly good.”

“Phichit, if you ever do that again,” Chris sobbed out, still unable to keep him voice under control. “I’ll bring you back to life just to kill you myself.”

“Wow, thanks, Chris.”

“Chris, be nice.” Yuuri knocked into the other man. “Phichit’s probably still weak.”

“Sorry, Mom.” Yuuri stuck his tongue out at Chris who only laughed. “But really, Phichit, you better never scare us like that again.”

“I’m sorry.” He sighed, holding tightly to Yuuri with his right hand and Chris with his left. “I’m so sorry.”

“We’re just glad you’re back.” Tears finally fell and Yuuri was almost surprised by them. He’d been totally unable to cry, his mind blank and unnaturally calm instead. Now it all flew to the surface and the tears wouldn’t stop. “I– I– I was so scared.”

“I’m sorry.” Phichit opened his arms, offering a hug only is Yuuri wanted it. For a moment the taller man almost refused but then he let himself be folder into a hug. He’d given Seung-gil a hug earlier because the man seemed to need one and he’d just have to trust that Phichit felt the same way looking at Yuuri. Chris joined them, nearly crushing both small men in his arms. “I’m glad I didn’t die. There’s still so much for us to do.”

Yuuri laughed through tears, “I’m glad you’re happy to be alive. I am too, for real.”

“Long live Phichit Chulanont.” Chris whispered, “Our prince, our king.”

Phichit laughed at that, tears bubbling out of his eyes too as all three of them clung to each other and cried.

\---

“Prince– King Altin!” The Prince– The King, turned to look at Seung-gil with a passive face.

“Yes?”

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. This is my fault.”

“It’s not your fault.” He stepped away from his bodyguards and away from the body of his father to come closer to Seung-gil. “We can’t start laying blame for things that are out of our control.”

“But–”

“You could blame anyone you want. You could blame Phichit for his spell or Yuuri for injuring himself. You can blame whoever decided mortality should be the state of things. You can blame whoever made such faulty beings as elves.” King Altin sighed. “My point is, I don’t blame you any more than I blame myself. My father lived a long, good life. He will be remembered well for leading our people through such a dark time. It was somehow fitting for him to be the one to truly save us.”

“You were the one to save your people.”

“I guess.”

“King–”

“Please just call me Otabek.” Seung-gil thought he saw a small smile on the elf’s lips.

“Otabek then… You’re a good soul, even if you don’t believe it. A black soul doesn’t make you bad.”

“I’m not like you. Your soul was turned black my circumstance. Mine was created like this.”

“That doesn’t make you inherently bad.” Seung-gil sighed. He wasn't here to convince Otabek of his worth even if he wanted the elf to know he was worth so much. Seung-gil knew what it was like to believe in everything but yourself and it was a lot easier to tell someone else they have worth than of convincing yourself of that fact. “You’ve done a lot of good for a lot of people and that has to mean something.”

“You’re a selfish man, Seung-gil.” That was definitely a smile. “And I think I like you.” He turned, putting a hand up as goodbye. “I have to go, but we will see more of each other.”

“I plan on it.”

\---

Seung-gil stood near the door, letting the three friends reunite. They were still hugging and crying when he returned so he simply waited outside, not wanting to interrupt.

“Seung-gil, go on in.” Chris slapped him on the back on his way out, knocking the wind out of him. “Yuuri said we need to get something to eat.”

“That includes you too, Seung-gil.” Yuuri gave him a withering look. “But that can be postponed until after you go talk to your boyfriend.”

“Seung-gil!” Phichit called when he stepped inside.

“Yes?”

“Hi.”

“Hello.” Seung-gil smiled at Phichit, ignoring the buzzing of doctors and nurses and making a beeline to his side.

“We should get lunch sometime.”

“When you’re cleared to leave, that’ll be the first thing we do.” Seung-gil sat down next to Phichit, who grabbed at Seung-gil’s hand and held it tightly.

“What if it’s night? Or morning?”

“Doesn’t matter, we’ll get lunch even if it’s midnight.”

“Good.” Phichit’s smile turned sad. “Someone died for me.”

“Phichit…”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“He didn’t die for you. It was an exchange. I saved the elves and they saved you.”

Phichit’s grip was a little painful but Seung-gil wasn’t about to complain. “I don’t want people dying for me.”

“It wasn’t your choice, it was mine.” Seung-gil wanted nothing more than to make Phichit forget anyone was dead. It was a stupid wish, Phichit wasn’t a child who needed to be protected, but he still wished it. “I’m the one who has to live with that choice.”

“It still feels like it was my fault.”

“Nobody is at fault.” Seung-gil put his free hand over Phichit's. “And it really was me who made the decision.”

He paused and looked at Phichit, really taking him in. His brown hair, his gray eyes, and his red aura. Seung-gil still couldn’t see immortal souls so there were parts of Phichit’s soul that seemed like voids to him but he assumed those were the lingering pieces of Otabek’s father’s soul.

“I love you.” He stood slightly to press a kiss into Phichit’s forehead. “And I’m a selfish man.”

Phichit laughed and smiled and Seung-gil decided he’d wait for him to get out of the hospital before he explained everything. He suspected that now Phichit would be immortal and on one hand he’d be upset about watching friends die, on the other hand, a lot of his friends were immortal too.

“I guess I’ll have to forgive you for your selfishness.” Phichit tugged Seung-gil back up, he must be better because his strength was back, and kissed him. “Because I love you.” He smoothed back Seung-gil hair, taking in how tired and upset he still looked. “Now go get something to eat. Tell Yuuri he’s allowed to be mom to you too.”

“Excuse me?”

“Listen to anything he tells you, he’s usually right.” Phichit was smirking at Seung-gil. “I’ll be fine now. You should get some sleep.”

“I’ll try.” He smiled, “Don’t give the doctor too much trouble.”

“I’d never dream of it.”

Seung-gil felt relief and that soon gave way to exhaustion. Maybe he’d actually be able to sleep a little. But first, food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can everyone say deus ex machina? I'm sorry, people, but I seriously can't kill any of these babies. My OCs, sure, but these sweet children? Nah. Unless you count the fact that Viktor is technically dead... Also that West Side Story AU obvi people are dying in that.... Okay.... I _usually_ don't killed my bebs.
> 
> So yah, two more chapters to go. We've wrapped up Chris/Luca, Seung-gil/Phichit, Yuuri's immortality, Phichit's short life, and the tension in the Chris&Phichit&Yuuri friendship. Now all we have left is a certain ghost...
> 
> Everyone ready for a flashback or two?


	35. Fragile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is fragile. Viktor knew that all too well.

It turned out that being present for the death of a king meant you had to endure weeks of questioning from various government agencies, particularly from ones you’ve never heard of. 

By the time they finally stopped getting calls and, in Viktor’s case, visitors asking for meetings, both Yuuri and Viktor were drained and ready to put this all behind them. 

Phichit had overheard Yuuri telling Viktor they should put off moving in together for a little because he was worried about Phichit but the younger man would have none of them. He pretty much forced Yuuri and Viktor to start looking for a place of their own, saying he didn’t need to be taken care of and that he was fine.

Secretly, he wanted not to feel bad about leaving Yuuri since he was planning on asking Seung-gil if they could move in together soon. It might have been a little soon to take that step but Phichit figured that if someone went to the lengths Seung-gil had to keep him alive, then there might be something there worth rushing things for.

“Viktor?” Yuuri’s voice was soft as it broke the relative silence of Viktor’s room above Yakov’s store. 

“What’s up?”

“If we’re going to live together then we’ll have to figure out your past.”

“I know.” Yuuri turned over to look at Viktor, but he stayed on his back staring at the ceiling. “I’m almost ready. I know you’re here for me and that’s all I need. I kind of wish I didn’t have to do this, but not because I don’t want to remember.”

“Then why?”

“I don't care about what happened.” He turned his head and smiled at Yuuri. “Because you’re here now.”

“Well, whenever you’re ready I’m here for you.”

“I know.” He leaned over to kiss Yuuri, pulling their mouths apart enough to add. “Let’s wait though.”

“Okay.” Yuuri agreed with a smirk before leaning back into the kiss. 

\---

If Viktor was being completely honest, when he left his apartment late at night on the eve of his birthday, he didn’t think Yuliy was going to come. And while that was fine, Viktor knew no matter what he had to leave. 

The thing was, he didn’t think he could stay if Yuliy did. The expectations were killing him and he didn’t think he could watch Yuliy be married to someone else. 

So he waited, listening for the clock tower to call midnight and announce his birthday. As he waited, it began to snow lightly. 

Yuliy appeared as the clock was calling 11:45 into the silent night, looked harried and anxious, snow clinging to his dark hair in a manner that would have been attractive if Yuliy didn’t look so terrible. 

“Viktor.” He hurried over, pulling Viktor into a tight hug that wasn't fast enough to hide the obvious bags under his eyes. “You’re here.”

“Of course… I’m surprised you came.” 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

Viktor could actually feel Yuliy shaking in his arms. “Love, what’s the matter?”

“I can’t go with you,” Yuliy explained, still clinging to Viktor. “They have my sister. My fiancé knows I’ve been seeing someone and she’s threatening to hurt Mariya if I don’t end it.”

“She’s doing what?” Viktor’s blood was hot with anger. How could someone be so cruel? “But she’s a child.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuliy was crying now, his face pressed into Viktor’s front as he continued to repeat “I’m sorry.”

It was as if the words would somehow change things, somehow make this better and give them a way out.

“It’s okay.” Viktor pressed a kiss into the top of Yuily’s head, wishing he could get Yuliy to stop apologizing. “It’s not your fault.”

But that wasn’t nearly enough to stop his sorry's and Viktor instead pulled the shorter man to sit down. Yuliy was still clinging to Viktor and muttering unending apologies as the bell called midnight. 

Yuliy looked up from where he was sitting, his hands still holding tightly to Viktor’s shirt like it was his only lifeline.

“Happy birthday, Viktor.” His voice was weak but his smile was genuine. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Yuliy.” 

“I don’t want to live without you.”

“Remember what I said?” Viktor was smiling widely even as his heart broke, hoping to calm Yuliy. “We’re soulmates now and nothing will change that.”

“What if one of us kills the other?” Viktor blinked at the sudden question. “What if one of us is murdered?” Viktor was lost for words as Yuliy took a shuttering breath, “What if one of us kills ourselves.”

“Yuliy, what are you saying?” Viktor grabbed tightly to Yuliy’s shoulders but the other man refused to look him in the eyes anymore. “Yuliy, what are you planning?”

“I don’t want either of us to die.” He squeezed his eyes shut, “But if I died, everything would be okay.”

“No, it wouldn’t.” Viktor wanted to shake his lover, terror flooding his veins. “Yuliy, no it wouldn’t.”

“This is going to kill one of us and I don’t want it to be you.” 

“Why would it kill one of us?” 

“Because it has to.”

“No, Yuliy, no. It doesn’t. And it shouldn’t be you, either way. You have a family to take care of and people who are counting on you. Even if I’m gone, you can’t give up.” He still hadn’t told Yuliy he was planning to leave town, but that could wait. First, he had to calm Yuliy down. “You’re strong and you need to keep protecting the people you care about.” What Viktor really wanted to shout was that Yuliy should forget about everyone else and just come with him but that would be irresponsible.

“Viktor?”

“Yes, Yuliy?”

“Kiss me?” Viktor looked down at the younger man questioningly, “Please?”

Viktor leaned over, kissing Yuliy slowly as he felt Yuliy start to cry. Before Viktor could pull away to ask if Yuliy was okay, the other man had a hand in Viktor’s hair and was keeping him close. 

The desperation in Yuliy’s kiss was different than the desperate rushing from weeks ago. Instead of being filled with fear of possibilities, Yuliy seemed terrified because he knew exactly what was going to happen. 

“Yuliy.” The voice was female and familiar, but not enough for Viktor to immediately place it. Not while fear was making his heart pump too fast and his breathing difficult. 

“Lady Vasiliev.” Viktor was finally able to get the words out, bowing his head as he realized how fucked they were. 

“Yuliy, I thought you were ending this.” She didn’t spare Viktor anything more than a look. “That was the deal and yet I find you here with him passed the agreed time.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuliy was shaking badly now, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, do what you were told.”

“I was leaving town tonight anyways,” Viktor informed her as much as he was telling Yuliy. “You don’t have to concern yourself with me anymore.”

“I’ll always be concerned.” She smiled, “Yuily.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuliy turned his back on her, putting his hands on Viktor’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”

“Yuliy, it’s fine.” Yuliy’s hands slipped off of Viktor’s shoulders and Viktor pulled Yuliy into a tight hug. “I love you and that will never chance.”

“I’m sorry.” He repeated. “I love you too and I’m sorry.” 

Viktor started to pull away, knowing he had to leave before this became impossible. He heard another apology from Yuliy then there was a strange feeling in his abdomen. It was like ice for a moment, then turned warm. He didn’t remember falling, but he was on the ground in Yuliy’s arms and Yuliy was crying.

There was a lot of pain after that and if he moved at all it hurt.

“Yuliy?” He reached up to touch the man’s face, “Yuliy?”

“Viktor.” Yuliy grabbed onto Viktor’s hand and Viktor could see blood on his hands. He wondered if the blood had anything to do with the warm, liquidy feeling where most of the pain was located. “I’m sorry. She said I had to. She would kill Mariya. I’m sorry.”

“Yuliy, I love you.”

“Fuck.” Yuliy was crying and Viktor wasn’t sure why he kept apologizing. “I’m sorry Viktor, I love you too, I swear.” 

“Soulmates?” Viktor smiled, feeling less pain now but feeling a lot colder. 

Yuliy nodded, forcing a smile. “Yes, of course… soulmates.”

And staring up at Yuliy, smiling as he cried and held tightly to Viktor’s hand, Viktor thought that even filled with tears, Yuliy had the prettiest eyes in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus Yuliy, you really went with the slowest most painful stabbing death possible. 
> 
> Also, I should tell you all that I have a real love for writing situations where characters have to choose between killing the person they love and having a beloved younger sibling killed. Like I've written this scenario more than once and, like, didn't even realize it until I was editing and older story I was writing.


	36. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now I lay me down to sleep,  
> I pray to Lord my soul to keep,  
> If I should die before I wake,  
> I pray the Lord my soul to take.

It was like sleeping and that was… comfortable. Nothing hurt anymore but he missed Yuliy’s face. Missed his eyes and his soft skin. Missed his voice and his laugh and the way his lips felt. 

But he was comfortable in the darkness even though he felt something trying to pull him away from this place. It seemed to be asking him to return but he didn’t want to, it was so nice where he was. He was fine staying here forever even though occasionally he would see flashes of things he’d rather not see.

Yuliy crying over his cold body, a knife red with blood nearby. His sister crying alongside his parents while his body was lowered into the ground. He caught glimpses of friends and family throwing handfuls of dirt into his hole. He saw darkness slowly overtaking his view. 

But he was comfortable and so he was more than a little annoyed when his darkness was disturbed and he was pulled back into the light. He was definitely unhappy when he felt a burning heat and the light became so bright, too bright. 

Then he saw the face of an old woman. At first, he thought it was his mother but then she spoke and he knew that voice was his sister's.

“I’m sorry, all of you, I never wanted to do this to you. We have to leave, have to go over the ocean to get away and I couldn’t leave my family behind. I know burning you is disgraceful but you’re the last of the Nikiforov’s and I can’t leave you behind.”

Then a young woman was talking to her and Viktor was in darkness again.

The light returned and he was standing in front of an empty lot with his sister.

“This is our new home. Mom. Dad. Vitya. Welcome to our new home.”

But now he was tried. He couldn't sleep in the darkness after he’d been woken because there was too much rocking. Too much movement. Now he laid in this empty lot and he could sleep. He would sleep for a long time, he thought, and that was that. The voice calling for him to move on was gone now and he could finally sleep.

\---

When he did wake up it was with a gasp and with blurry confusion. He wasn’t in an empty lot anymore, but a barebones building. He looked around but found it seemed to be completely empty. There were some boxes and he found he was sitting partially behind a register. From where he was sitting he could see some empty shelves but not much else.

He heard voices coming from up a set of stairs and as they came downstairs their voices became more clear. Even so, he couldn’t understand anything they were saying. He caught a few words that sounded familiar but that was it. He heard words he thought were florist and alcohol but there wasn’t much else there. 

He watched as two men, one young and one older, walked towards the entrance of the shop. It sounded like they were arguing but neither seemed particularly upset. Finally, the older one left and the younger one turned back towards the shop with a smile. He had dark brown hair and a bit of a severe face, but it was greatly helped by the smile. There was something about him that was vaguely familiar but Viktor couldn’t place it for the life of him. 

When he spoke, obviously to himself, the man actually spoke in a language Viktor could understand.

“I’ve made a home, Mama. This is all for you.”

“Excuse me,” Viktor called out without thinking, standing shakily. “Can you tell me where I am?”

The man looked up, his jaw dropping open and for a moment Viktor thought he was going to faint. Instead, he let out a long string of curses in both Russian and whatever other language he’d been speaking. 

“Are you alright?” Viktor asked, looking worriedly at the younger man.

“You’re a ghost.” He said. “Who speaks Russian.” 

“My name is Viktor Nikiforov and…” He looked down at himself, fear gripping him for a moment when he realized he was a little translucent. But then he remembered that this was the only thing that made any sense. He’d died, after all, that much he remembered. “Yah, I guess I’m a ghost. And of course I speak Russian, I’m from Russia.” 

“A Russian ghost in my new store.” He was muttering to himself now. “What in the world am I going to do.”

“Can I ask your name?” Viktor smiled and the man blinked at him, sighing.

“Yakov Feltsman and this is the shop I just bought.”

“Nice to meet you Yakov.” Yakov raised an eyebrow at the smiley ghost. “Now, where exactly am I?”

\---

He saw a lot of memories in quick succession, more refreshers than actual reminders. 

Meeting the Plisetsky family, Igor and Nikolai helped out all the time at the store when Yakov was first putting things together. Later he’d meet Lev and Yuri. 

He met Lilia and watching Yakov and Lilia’s love blossom and then die. He remembered their wedding and their laughter as well as their fighting and eventual divorce. 

He remembered Nikolai dying. He remembered Yuri dying. 

He remembered Lilia screaming at Yakov and blaming him and then cursing him.

He remembered Lilia dying. 

Meeting Mila and Georgi. Meeting Yuuri and Phichit and Chris. Meeting Leo and Guang Hong and Seung-gil. Meeting Luca and Prince JJ and then-Prince Altin.

It all was coming back too fast for him now but soon he was back to the present and with a gasp he was back to his real life.

\---

After his memories returned, it took a while for Viktor to get used to his everyday life. He didn’t mean to, but he found himself flinching away from Yuuri. He knew Yuuri wouldn’t hurt him, couldn't even if he wanted to, but there was still a lingering fear. 

At the time he hadn’t realized what was happening, let alone who had done it. Now the realization was hitting him full force and Viktor didn’t know how to deal with it. 

Finally, he decided he needed to tell Yuuri. There was no other way.

He’d wrapped himself in Yuuri’s embrace before telling him the story, but his voice caught when he got to their final hug.

“Then what?”

“I was… I was stabbed.”

“Stabbed? By who?” Yuuri could feel the ghost shaking like a leaf.

“Yuliy.” His answer was almost too quiet to hear but a gasp from Yuuri told Viktor that Yuuri had heard his answer. 

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry.”

They were quiet for a long time before Viktor spoke again.

“I was right, though.”

“About what?”

“We were soulmates, bound by love and by choice.” He grabbed onto Yuuri’s hand, intertwining their fingers. “We found each other. After everything we found each other.”

“Not even death was able to pull us apart.”

“Our souls found each other.” Viktor smiled, kissing Yuuri long and hard. “Nothing can separate us ever again.”

“I love you.” Yuuri smiled, feeling strangely light. 

“I love you too.”

“Nothing will ever tear us apart.” Yuuri echoed Viktor’s words. “Now we’ll be together forever.”

“Forever is a long time.” Viktor pointed out, fitting his face into Yuuri’s neck.

“But it’ll never be enough time with you.” 

Yuuri laughed as Viktor tickled his neck, pushing the ghost onto the bed and laying on top of him, Viktor laughing lightly as he did. Their conversation was light and teasing, but neither of them was paying much attention to it. Instead, they were both basking in the warmth of the other’s presence and in the knowledge that they’d found something that made forever worth doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't think of a chapter summary so, yah. And this ending was a little anticlimactic but... well I feel like everyone in this fic deserved an anticlimax at this point XD
> 
> The following debrief is gonna be long! If you don't want to read all my blabbering just skip to the last line b/c there's a secret message for you! It'll be in brackets and be labeled as a secret message. 
> 
> \---
> 
> Well, boy howdy this has been an adventure. To all of you who have stuck it out through this fic that was originally supposed to be short, humorous, and a slow-burn well... Thank You <3 <3 <3
> 
> This fic became a little bit of a burden to write about half way through, but all you guys helped me preserve where, in the past, I would have just given up on this story.
> 
> Originally there was a 4 chapter epilogue that takes place ~12 years later. I didn't really like it (I started writing it around the ch 26 mark because I had some writer's block) because it was melodramatic and focused too heavily on themes and characters I didn't think needed to be focused on as the last part of this fic. 
> 
> I never finished them (wrote about 6K words in a day then scraped them all save my soul) but the basic idea, for those interested, was this: 
> 
> ~
> 
> Everyone goes to Chris and Luca's for Luca's birthday. As the only two of their friends who age, they're older and they have two adorable kids. Seung-gil is called back to heaven due to a change in the ruling god and he forces his way into a meeting with said god because he's determined to get Viktor a corporal body. She looks at his soul and notices he's friends with Guang Hong so she asks him to bring Guang Hong to her. 
> 
> He does, there's a lot of stuff hat happens with people not wanting them to go because of complicated stuff with transporting bodies and energy and souls and basically, they'd have to chill in heaven for a while before they can return. 
> 
> Phichit uses some of his energy to help so that they don't have to stay as long and Guang Hong kisses Leo, telling him he loves him which is a big deal because the two of them were kinda in a weird not-dating-but-totally-dating relationship so now they're like official p much. They go to heaven, turns out the ruling god is the god Guang Hong was a disciple of. They talk, it's happy, she explains why she left and he explains that he's been happy with his bestie/BF Leo the Muse. 
> 
> She grants Seung-gil's wish of helping Viktor, Viktor gets and body, everyone is happy. Then Guang Hong, realizing Seung-gil could have asked for information about his family but didn't to help his friend instead, asks her to help SG find his sister and mom. They're alive and well and he can't wait to see them and shit. 
> 
> THE END
> 
> ~
> 
> It was 2 melodramatic so I had to cut it but there was some really sweet adorableness in it that I'll miss. Also, Chris and Luca's kids are #2Cute.
> 
> \---
> 
> So! Upcoming projects! I'm going to be continuing work on my ongoing WSS AU so hopefully, I'll actually finish that for the good people who are also crazy enough about WSS to think this AU was a good idea and not the dumbest shit. 
> 
> I'm part of 3 YOI related big bangs because I make bad choices, with the first one's posting being in Aug. If I remember correctly, that one is the YOI Shit Bang that's p much about spreading love and having people write and draw whatever they want without judgment. Mine's gonna be a sci fi Seungchuchu fic but that's all I can say! The other two are both Viktuuri fics, one being a fantasy arranged marriage AU and one being a family AU. 
> 
> I'm aaaaalso working on two more fics for the "It's Easier With You" series. They're both half-done and both fully outlined, so those will probably be the next big things I post. The first one is a sequel to "With You By My Side" that's about all the things discussed in that fic (hint: Viktor's parents and adoption). The other happens after the fic I'm giving the codename "IWACS" and will now be codenamed "YELTBHOS"... Okay, maybe I'll code name them "Winter" and "Summer" since those are easier to remember. But "Summer" happens after "Winter" (that sounds really silly haha) but narratively it is sort of a sequel to "Snow Leopards Don't Cry" (hint: it's about Yuri P). 
> 
> I'm also working on more fics for the Seungchuchu Olympian AU b/c damn do I love those two. I think next I need one more from Phichit's POV since the majority of my writing is from SG's PV
> 
> \---
> 
> Okay now, the secret message for everyone!
> 
> [Secret Message: I love you all so much and you're all the lights of my life. Thank you thank you thank you for all your support and love and I hope you all have an amazing day and life!]

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading as well as leaving kudos and comments. 
> 
>    
> [ Tumblr ](http://mismatched-ideas.tumblr.com/)


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